Originally Posted by sweetmama
...He can separate sex and love and is comfortable enjoying sex the same way he would any other recreational activity. I can understand this perspective intellectually, but on a gut level sex and emotions are still very connected. So I’m able to understand and respect his sexual encounters with people he is emotionally involved with, but have a hard time making peace with those that are purely recreational.
I am worried that you think to have the same approach as you boyfriend does towards sex. You don't at all. You can stand fully in your own belief about it and feel proud of who you are. We are all different and there is a wide continuum of comfort levels where sex is concerned...
It really kind of bugs that anyone would try and convince others out of their comfort zones in regards to sex... as if they have the monopoly on what is best for others... I see this kind of thing often right now in my life and it might not have anything to do with yours.
Just be rest assured that there is no need for you to change and put yourself in danger if you feel that you would be compromising your values. What is the most important thing is that you feel undamaged and mentally healthy. If you don't feel like that with your boyfriend then it may be time to take a good long look on whether or not he is worth spending great amounts of time with anymore. Perhaps he is best as a FWB, and intimate friend, secondary, tersiary... who knows maybe there is someone out there that has the same values as you do who would be pleased to devote his time to you in a way that you understand. I see nothing wrong with that.
I personally feel physically ill when it comes to some kinds of casual sex. I think that far too often the precious nature of being close to someone is destroyed by casual fucking. To me, and in my experience, the line between appreciating women, their bodies and their personality and nature and giving them a good fuck because it would be fun to get off in some chics hot body, is far too close. The line is blurry to me and I fear it sometimes.
As we have gone over in other threads, and as I have said before I think that women forget that they need to check into their bodies, their minds, their values of themselves and their loves. How they feel about the person that is pursuing them (are they charming me because they want to get laid? or are they actually caring about me) and whether or not it is all around a good idea to have sex with this person in terms of their other relationships.
It sounds like you are soul searching. Good luck with that... I wish for you to stay true to yourself first. Then it will be the right thing, always.