Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG
That's easy..casual sex is not a part of my relationship. It has no place in "my approach " to multi partner relationships.
Originally Posted by sweetmama
He can separate sex and love and is comfortable enjoying sex the same way he would any other recreational activity. I can understand this perspective intellectually, but on a gut level sex and emotions are still very connected. So Iím able to understand and respect his sexual encounters with people he is emotionally involved with, but have a hard time making peace with those that are purely recreational.
My concern is not so much about health concerns as I trust that he is making good choices in that area. I suppose there is an element of moral judgement involved. I am still trying to figure out exactly what my underlying beliefs are in that area and why Iím feeling so strongly.
ďI have found in talking to new polyfolk that once they have experienced that reality for themselves they are more comfortable with the poly relationships of their partners. (In other words, if you get a chance to feel attraction/love/whatever to someone else and can feel that it does not diminish your feeling for your boyfriend, you might feel more comfortable with his relationships.)Ē
I have not quite made the step towards getting involved with someone other than my boyfriend, although Iím open to the possibility. I do, however, fully accept that itís possible to be attracted to and/or love someone without it changing how I feel about my partner. I am totally comfortable with his emotional relationships and the sex they include. Itís the negative gut level reaction to casual sex that is causing the trouble for me. I know logically that the same principle should apply Ė what he does with one person has no bearing on how he feels about me. But as I think about the list of people he is involved with, and the element of casual sex included in it, I still feel like somehow it makes what we have less meaningful. Iím still not totally clear on those feelings or where they come from. . .the heart of my problem, I guess.
Thanks to everyone for all the great replies!
1+ on what MONO said.
It sounds like you need sit down and decide what you want. When it comes to things like this you have to have definitive and solid ground to stand on. This will make it easier for you and your partners to see those lines and decide if they can deal or not. nothing sucks more is gettin to know someone under a one premise of one thing then having to decide then if they can deal. Some things are bound to happen like this but the is one of those things that you should be clear on with yourself first.