Thanks for the thread link and for sharing your perspective. It seems that you and I have a lot in common so I always enjoy reading your thought process.
Originally Posted by redpepper
I am worried that you think to have the same approach as you boyfriend does towards sex. You don't at all. You can stand fully in your own belief about it and feel proud of who you are. . . .
It sounds like you are soul searching. Good luck with that... I wish for you to stay true to yourself first. Then it will be the right thing, always.
Thanks for bringing this up. It is definitely an area where I need to stay aware of my own personal boundaries and make sure I'm not compromising anything at the core of my self or belief system. I am doing some soul searching for sure in the hopes of finding out if this is in fact one of those core values issues or if it's just another of those things that's been programed into me. Over the past few months I have been shocked repeatedly by how many new things I am learning about myself and how many things have changed in terms of my outlook. Things that at the beginning of this process I was completely certain were just part of who I am turned out to be something else entirely. So in the interest of exploring my feelings and figuring out exactly what my beliefs and boundaries are and why I have them, I am willing to sit with the discomfort for a while.
I agree, defining boundaries is key here. As this is my first poly relationship, and still a fairly new one, it is a work in progress for me. It just isn't something I've had to think about until very recently. But I can certainly see how it complicates a relationship to start out on fuzzy terms boundary wise. The last thing I want to do is put my boyfriend in a position where he feels pressure to change or accept boundaries that don't fit with his needs because of an attachment that has already formed. But like most of life, this adventure into polyamory wasn't exactly expected, so for now I'll have to work with where I am.