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Old 02-26-2010, 11:08 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,872

- I'm concerned about the "psychological health" of random, detached sex with strangers. In my mind, that was something he did when he was an emotionally unhealthy person with low self-esteem and he used sex as a way to feel better about himself via his ability to please women
Its possible he still feels this way...He is with you, and is comfortable but may still feel that need to prove it to himself...

Little opening up here, no matter what my wife tells me, or shows me about my ability and how much fun we have, I still have the inherent need to please other women, and know it...while it is no where near as manic as it was when I was single, I can definitely tell you its there. I LOVE to please women. While I don't crave it like I used, when I get the chance to do it, it feels great, more than likely better for me than the girl.

Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
- I'm a wee bit irked that this comes on the heels of our relationship growing out of the honeymoon stage, where having a fulfilling sexual relationship now requires a little more effort to create the mood, find the energy, etc... And when I've been saying for the past few months that although I am satisfied with our sex life, I would love it if we had sex more often. So part of me is feeling like "how come you want to have sex with other people when I'm wanting to have more sex with you"
Thats tough for any of us to guess at. My reasoning for wanting sex with others could be as different as your partners. It could be the idea of freshness, the craving of the new energy, new exploration. Maybe he is craving the initial lust felt with a new person...unadulterated sexual desire.

Depending on what hes looking for (walking into a bath house, or actually finding someone to hook up with) it could be the hunt (I know I will take crap for that phrase, but I am being blunt about it, and its the only word I can think of to encompass what I mean). I don't read much about it in the poly world, but as a single guy, the hunt was half the fun on both sides. The flirting, talking, making out and finally getting what you both want. Having someone there that you care and love, but offers up no real challenge in the end (I hate roleplaying so that doesn't supplement the need). I know our ex loved the hunt, considered everyone she was able to get a conquest.

I don't understand the bath house/key party idea, just walking in and have sex with. So if thats what he wants, I can't relate or help.

- I'm also wondering if any of his desire is triggered by my wanting to get back into a polyamorous lifestyle and him feeling envious that I would get more relationships, but that since he doesn't want more "relationships" he's responding by wanting sex with strangers, since that was basically his M.O. before we got together
It might be related. It might be he has been thinking it for a while but has been sticking to the mono thing as it was working. Open up one barn door the other might swing open with a big enough wind...
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