Poly-Dating: How to meet like-minded people

Maybe they are wondering the same exact thing about you.

I was thinking the same thing. Sounds to me like everyone is waiting for someone to make the first move!
 
Good Luck, Let us know how it goes!
 
Whatever your approach is, just make sure not to scare them. I'd avoid any "label" words, such as "poly."

Maybe they are interested more in "play" as understood by swingers than "poly" like in "let's form a quad." Many folks who actually practice some form of poly are scared of the word and won't touch it with a 10 ft. pole.
 
Whatever your approach is, just make sure not to scare them. I'd avoid any "label" words, such as "poly."

I agree. Like any word, "poly" may come with misconceptions and meanings that are not necessarily the same for them as for you. And much like the word "gay" or "lesbian", people are often scared of the label despite living the life. This often changes with time, but a less confining word (e.g "open relationship") may be better for the initial approach.

I would discuss monogamy instead of "poly", to see if they subscribe to myths like "If you truly love someone you only have eyes for them", and feel your way from there. Maybe they sense monogamy isn't right for them, but were never exposed to the idea of poly, so throwing the word "polyamory" in the discussion (without mentioning you are), and leaving the rest to their googling skills might go a long way. These are two great videos/ researchers who can help ignite such a discussion:

Helen Fisher: http://www.ted.com/talks/helen_fisher_tells_us_why_we_love_cheat.html
Esther Perel:
http://www.ted.com/talks/esther_perel_the_secret_to_desire_in_a_long_term_relationship.html

One more thing- some words of caution. It sounds a little like you are expecting an "either or" kind of answer. There are many possibilities in between. They could be totally poly, experienced and wishing for a quad. They could also be totally mono and are just easy going on flirtations. One of them could be pushing for poly while the other is hesitant. They could be at the exact same stage you are in in your "poly development", or they could be in a much more early or late stage in their process. Just remember all the options and prepare for everything, and don't get carried away in wishful thinking.

Part of why I'm saying this is that me and wife recently got into a bad situation after she started flirting with another married lesbian, and I supported the development. We we're both wishfully-thinking the other couple was also open/poly. By the time we figured out they aren't, a relationship had already developed and my wife found herself having an affair with a cheater. Which was not the type of "open relationship" I/we hoped for.

So be very careful, and clear between yourselves about acceptable boundaries, what to do if you are openly asked what your status is, what's acceptable if only one of the other couple approaches you and so on. And take it slow, the transition from words to actions is very hard, even when you totally believe in the poly ideal.

Good luck!
 
How to meet like-minded people ????

How to meet like-minded people ????

the simple solution is
SEARCH THEM

We are a polyfamily, and we are very clear : just show that you are like-minded people.

We check, if it is ok, no problem.
 
How to meet like-minded people ????

the simple solution is
SEARCH THEM

We are a polyfamily, and we are very clear : just show that you are like-minded people.

We check, if it is ok, no problem.


Yeah, well i hang out with nudist swingers, so everyone searches and checks everyone else constantly. And still in nine years i've only met one person that way that i've liked enough to fuck, i mean "get to know better".

Tee hee.:D
 
Poly Dating: how to meet people?

Hello,

I'm pretty new to non-monogamy and currently single. I'm wondering if people on these forums have any tips on how to go about dating as a poly-curious person?

Firstly, I've tried online dating (OkCupid) and it has honestly been an incredibly soul destroying experience. I've sent out several dozen well-considered messages to openly non-monogamous girls (single and non-single) over the last 4 months and yet I've had pretty much no replies at all. Which kind of sucks ... so alternative approach needed.

I've also been to my local poly meetup, which was interesting but it seems to be a small community and they only meet once a month.

So ... I'm running out of ideas. Should I try the more "conventional" dating scene, speed dating or something? Knowing that my interest in poly is probably going to get me a lot of rejection? Is there some other approach people can recommend? Are there any groups that are not exactly poly but likely to be poly-friendly? What I'd really like to do is find a community of poly-friends in my area. Let me know your ideas! :)



MisterT
 
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Firstly, I've tried online dating (OkCupid) and it has honestly been an incredibly soul destroying experience. I've sent out several dozen well-considered messages to openly non-monogamous girls (single and non-single) over the last 4 months and yet I've had pretty much no replies at all. Which kind of sucks ... so alternative approach needed.

That is the way of online dating from the male perspective. Over the past few years of having my OKCupid profile up I've sent out countless emails, had a few admirers, and went on 3 dates which turned out to be even remotely interesting (2 more which were plainly a bad match). So if getting dates is your goal as a male I'd say a patient approach is the only reasonable suggestion.

There is no easy way that I'm aware of to meet people who have a compatible worldview to mine, our personalities blend well together, AND that we have good romantic chemistry. Certainly living in Texas it's a lot to hope for.
 
Also, a previous thread on Poly Dating. Do a search (top banner) to find more results. I just did a tag search "dating" and this one popped up a few down the list.
 
195 96446992

^^ Ooops looks like I typed the captcha into the wrong box :-S


Glad it's not just me that's struggled with online dating.

I hadn't spotted that post, I'm reading through now, pretty long thread. Thanks :)
 
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Firstly, I've tried online dating (OkCupid) and it has honestly been an incredibly soul destroying experience. I've sent out several dozen well-considered messages to openly non-monogamous girls (single and non-single) over the last 4 months and yet I've had pretty much no replies at all. Which kind of sucks ... so alternative approach needed.

Unfortunately, I've heard that from pretty much every male I've ever discussed the issue of OKC with - I don't know WHY the numbers are so very skewed, but nonetheless that seems to be the case. (From the female perspective, well, let's just say the noise-to-signal ratio is REALLY high so there's a decent shot the women you're messaging may or may not even notice your messages. :(

No real suggestions for you, just commiseration; if it makes you feel any better I can tell you that OKC can pay off, I've met both of my most recent partners through there as did my husband (though he tells me it took him far more messaging and "work" than mine did...)
 
Nate mostly meets ladies online but its more of a friend approach. Hes mey someone off fetlife and a couple new people from a stat trek convention. Seems the fet, geeky, or pagan scenes are great places to meet open minded people.
 
When I was open to dating I met people in real life.

I met my husband Murf through the classic car scene.
 
When I was open to dating I met people in real life.

I met my husband Murf through the classic car scene.

I love that visual. Classic car scene :D..

I am pretty much the same way, traditional worked for me.

I have met a few people online, but I also was never looking at the time. One was through my communication on this site and the other was okc.

In all cases, ever.. the only time I have ever hooked up with anyone is when I wasn't looking....

Hes mey someone off fetlife and a couple new people from a stat trek convention. Seems the fet, geeky, or pagan scenes are great places to meet open minded people.

I have more or less heard this as well, and my friends also meet up this way. It seems that going to events and places where you can find a common interest outside of simply being poly.. helps. Conferences, meetups etc.

Geeks, pagans, larping etc...
 
I've dated a few guys on OKC, a couple on FetLife. My current boyfriend I met in the real world, by chance. Definitely on OKC I am slammed with messages, just keep trying!
 
OKC has been pretty productive for my husband. He went out with a girl last night who ended up being pretty good; they even made it to the bedroom, and while it ended before they were ready to, they both want to do it again. He went on another date earlier in the week.

I guess it depends on a lot of factors; if you're in a smaller area, it's going to be harder, just because there's not a lot of people. OKC doesn't show me anymore useful matches, it's the same ones. I'm not dating, atm though. The key to those is usually going to be an attractive profile. Be funny, honest, and verbose. Two lines and a bathroom selfie are not going to attract the ladies. YOu have a huge amount of competition, so you have to stand out.

I've heard similar things, though; OKC is about the best option as far as online dating goes, but it's still less than fantastic.
 
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