Finding That Elusive Female Orgasm

LovingRadiance

Active member
Ok-I have a friend (not me THANK YOU GOD) who is struggling.

She can't orgasm during intercourse-and believes it means she's "broken". Completely can't believe that a large majority of women can't.

She orgasms fine with toys. But, her husband is jealous and angry about her using them. (I know-that's a topic for later).

He expects her to give him oral and manual stimulation as well as intercourse. But-he won't perform manually or orally on her and doesn't appreciate the toy use... (again-respect issue I already started addressing)

BUT-can anyone guide me to INTELLIGENT articles, medical journals, blogs ANYTHING that is not bullshit-to share with her so she can't start realizing that this bs in her head IS bs..?
 
Ok-I have a friend (not me THANK YOU GOD) who is struggling.

She can't orgasm during intercourse-and believes it means she's "broken". Completely can't believe that a large majority of women can't.

She orgasms fine with toys. But, her husband is jealous and angry about her using them. (I know-that's a topic for later).

He expects her to give him oral and manual stimulation as well as intercourse. But-he won't perform manually or orally on her and doesn't appreciate the toy use... (again-respect issue I already started addressing)

BUT-can anyone guide me to INTELLIGENT articles, medical journals, blogs ANYTHING that is not bullshit-to share with her so she can't start realizing that this bs in her head IS bs..?

Do you really want me to Google That For You™? I mean, would it be faster? I know you get internet by dogsled up where you are, but it IS the same internet?

Sorry but it's late, i'm home, i'm high... you know... Captain Obvious and all that..
 
Ok-I have a friend (not me THANK YOU GOD) who is struggling.

She can't orgasm during intercourse-and believes it means she's "broken". Completely can't believe that a large majority of women can't.

She orgasms fine with toys. But, her husband is jealous and angry about her using them. (I know-that's a topic for later).

He expects her to give him oral and manual stimulation as well as intercourse. But-he won't perform manually or orally on her and doesn't appreciate the toy use... (again-respect issue I already started addressing)

BUT-can anyone guide me to INTELLIGENT articles, medical journals, blogs ANYTHING that is not bullshit-to share with her so she can't start realizing that this bs in her head IS bs..?
I'd start with divorce lawyers in her area.
 
Is this the same one who had the "psychological disconnect between sex and emotion" a few years ago?
 
Here's just one, LR. I think there's a bunch out there about this book, as well as the book itself. I'm sure there's plenty of other sources too; this is just one I happen to remember.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/all-about-sex/201303/hysteria-and-the-strange-history-vibrators

If I remember right you can see the first chapter of the book or an intro or something on Amazon. The author's description of being an academic who does research on vibrators was pretty funny. I wasn't motivated enough to read the whole book.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Technolog...71637398&sr=8-1&keywords=technology+of+orgasm
 
This is an article rather than an official study but makes some good points:

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/menshealth/feature/helpwithorgasms.htm

Especially in this paragraph:

So, try not to give the impression to your female partner that she ‘ought’ to be able to climax through intercourse alone and that that is what you think of as ‘proper sex’. The sex menu can be a varied one.

I know that the experience of one person may not mean much or go that far is convincing her that she's normal, but I also have a lot of trouble. Even with manual and/or oral stimulation, less than 10% of my partners have been able to make me come, and until my current boyfriend, I was pretty sure it was never going to happen. I've definitely never come from sex alone - it would be an impossibility. It think this is the case for a lot of women, from my own experience talking to people about it, it's quite rare for a woman to be able to come without any clitoral stimulation.
 
Dan Savage. Anything - the blog, the column, the podcasts, his books. He regularly reinforces that people do not come all the same, especiallly female people. And your friend desperately needs to learn about GGG: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Savage_Love

Here's a link to the most recent column: http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=17004334

The older columns are available in archives.

Dan Savage's podcast is on itunes. Just search for 'Dan Savage'. The shorter version is free. The 'micro' version is actually about an hour and I find that is more than enough. There is an apple app and there are probably android and similar apps.

The blog is what I read most frequently: http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?show=blog

Sadly, her husband sounds like he is about 90% of her struggles. What an selfish lover.
 
sounds like her husband is broken

it's not a "large majority" who can't orgasm from penetration alone, it's all women when they are made to feel less than, not beautiful, or too much of a hassle to be worth it.

Thank God all you want, he is a sick unfair biased bastard, give a woman a few things that make her feel desirable and attractive, including whatever minimal ambiance needs to be created, let one sexual experience happen where it is OK to not have one brain cell preoccupied with trying to please an idiot male, know what little things turn her on (which may take a few weeks since it isn't uncommon for women who have only been with men to feel allowed to consider their sexual desires) and the next thing you know the woman who had trouble orgasming realizes that women can not only have orgasms that are several times more intense than a mans, but they can have as many as they can stay conscious for but usually before that they go unconscious the many blurr into one and they don't know where one stops and another begins.

A woman's orgasm is NOT elusive, that is 100% complete and total myth, but I will say it probably seems that way but if you really want to be precise you could the majority of women have been fooled by men into thinking their orgasm is elusive.

And to be honest, I can admit that there will always be moments that no matter what the situation I will always be jealous of the not elusive and probably technically infinite capability a woman has to orgasm . Infinite because not being able to maintain consciousness as the only restriction is the biggest bullshit reason I have ever heard in my life as far as having sympathy.

You poor poor suffering female gender you
 
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She orgasms fine with toys. But, her husband is jealous and angry about her using them. (I know-that's a topic for later).

He expects her to give him oral and manual stimulation as well as intercourse. But-he won't perform manually or orally on her and doesn't appreciate the toy use... (again-respect issue I already started addressing)

Seriously sounds like they also have some bigger issues that need to be addressed in counceling.
 
Maybe the women who can't orgasm just need a bigger dick. Maybe the woman in the OP can't orgasm because her husband IS a big dick, but doesn't HAVE a big dick. Like a Virgin is a metaphor for big dicks. Morning afternoon and night - dick dick dick dick dick dick dick dick DICK.

How many dicks was that?

A LOT.
 
it's not a "large majority" who can't orgasm from penetration alone

I don't orgasm from penetration with my husband very often (probably only about 25% of the time or less). With my ex-boyfriend, I orgasmed from penetration at least 90% of the time. It's not that my husband makes me feel less valued then my boyfriend did, it's totally to do with the difference physically between the two of them.

rest of your rant is really just not worth addressing.
 
it's not a "large majority" who can't orgasm from penetration alone

I'm sure there is a survey somewhere of how many women achieve orgasm by which methods. If a difference of agreement needs to happen I presume the arguing parties will present their data. Otherwise it's anecdotal. Not that I have a problem with anecdotal evidence; I just have a problem watching people argue using it as if it were an axiom of reality.

Something I'd like to personally add to the conversation; I don't think it's responsible to put the burden of ones orgasm onto someone else. If her hubby isn't into eating pussy then that's his business, it's not his responsibility to do 'whatever it takes' for her to achieve orgasm certainly if her ability to do so is hinged upon something that he specifically doesn't enjoy. My orgasm is my responsibility; if my partner isn't doing the one thing that I need to happen and they have told me they aren't interested in doing it... maybe I can just enjoy what I *am* getting. Then I can go do whatever it is that makes me cum with someone else (or on my own).

How many dicks was that?

A LOT.

Quite a bit of dick just happened there.
 
Something I'd like to personally add to the conversation; I don't think it's responsible to put the burden of ones orgasm onto someone else. If her hubby isn't into eating pussy then that's his business, it's not his responsibility to do 'whatever it takes' for her to achieve orgasm certainly if her ability to do so is hinged upon something that he specifically doesn't enjoy. My orgasm is my responsibility; if my partner isn't doing the one thing that I need to happen and they have told me they aren't interested in doing it... maybe I can just enjoy what I *am* getting. Then I can go do whatever it is that makes me cum with someone else (or on my own).

Except that in this case her husband is jealous and angry at her for doing what does work for her. So to recap, This husband has no problem placing the burden of his orgasm on her, he isn't willing to provide any stimulation to her that isn't what he's already doing for himself, and he has a problem with her doing what works for herself. I don't think this woman has a problem with placing the burden of her orgasm on someone else, in fact she's already blamed herself for this situation not working.

I guess I mean to say that that comment makes perfect sense if you're not in a relationship where someone feels it's responsible to dictate how the other is allowed to cum. Which is a position I doubt you would find acceptable to begin with.
 
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I guess I mean to say that that comment makes perfect sense if you're not in a relationship where someone feels it's responsible to dictate how the other is allowed to cum. Which is a position I doubt you would find acceptable to begin with.

Totally.

LR seemed to not want to get into that particular part of the discussion so I just didn't address it. Yes, someone working *against* your desire to have an orgasm is a totally fucked up situation and (as mentioned earlier) it's more of a divorce issue than an orgasm issue.
 
if anything I said sounds inaccurate

It would probably the part about women having trouble achieving orgasm as being one hundred percent bullshit. How could that be true when there are obviously several women (if not a majority) saying that they do have trouble?

I didn't go to some bullshit website for statistics or any legitimate psychology experiments because I don't believe humans are honest enough to have any experiment that is legitimate science.

I am speaking about women that I have talked to, that I know personally, whom I do believe. In talking with them I have come to the conclusion that if your partner -- to use a term that's more sensitive or politically correct instead of being a dick -- is a little bit on the selfish side in bed, "it's not a majority of women" that have problems orgasming in any way, let alone from penetration alone, all of them have had problems achieving orgasm if the sex was with a lover who was a little on the selfish side.

All of the woman also had little to no problems with a lover who was not at all what most people would think of when they considered a selfish lover

All of the women also conveyed that the longer it took to orgasm often meant more intense orgasms

For the sake of all the people that have my replies blocked, for whatever reason, they would probably appreciate it if you didn't quote me, as then they have no way to not see my words in the comments

no matter how ranty or anecdotal they may be
 
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I don't think this woman has a problem with placing the burden of her orgasm on someone else, in fact she's already blamed herself for this situation not working.

That's also fair.

If she feels that there is some kind of shame from not being able to have an orgasm while her self absorbed, controlling husband jabs himself into her... I suppose we are starting from a more simple level of discussion.

I wonder where people are getting the idea that they should be able to have an orgasm on demand. Maybe it's porn or harlequin novels mixed with a simple mind. Or just the fact that it's not a topic that normal folk feel comfortable discussing rationally.
 
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