Smelling the flowers

So much time has passed and so much has happened since I last posted.

My grandson's little sister, she's going into first grade this fall, now wants to spend the night sometime. I think she and her little brother have a hard time with the big brother having a grandma that they don't have. I'm considering taking her on a Friday night and then meeting them the next morning/noon at the farmer's market.

Let's see, we got the sink in the night before the move. We were there until 11:30 pm and in bed by midnight, although without time to decompress it was hard to fall asleep. The movers were great. I'm so thankful she hired them. We're all getting too old to be schlepping furniture. The king-size platform had to be taken apart and reassembled, but the rest of the stuff was moved without a hitch.

B is getting settled in the new house and it's looking pretty cute. She plans on buying a sectional for the living room when her house closes at the end of the month, so in the meantime that room is looking a little forlorn.

This weekend Bond and I are going to visit my longtime friend, former bestie, up north. We're meeting her and her partner at his family's cabin/condo. I did not invite B along, because my friend invited Bond and me, and I didn't push to include B. I no doubt should have and if I had B wouldn't be having icky feels about us going away without her. Some history: this friend and I had a big falling out over her supposedly support for polyamory, but attitude that it's harmful for children being raised in a poly household, which in the end means she doesn't really approve of polyamory. She has recanted her statement and we've tried to patch things up, but in my head I still have her attitude categorized as not approving. I also want to have a normal getaway with Bond. I realized with all of the house stuff happening we never let B know that we were going to be gone for the weekend, so on Monday I did that. Ugh, bad feels all around. B feels left out, Bond feels like she's applying a double standard, and I feel guilty for not including her and guilty for wanting to have time with Bond and my friend. I haven't visited this friend in years and I'd really like to fall into the outwardly socially acceptable relationship model just for a weekend. We thought we'd discuss this Tuesday night, but we skirted the topic and threw ourselves into date night instead. The next day B requested that we talk about wants and expectations next date night.

I should expound on the double standard situation; B does things with her friends, including out of state visits, and doesn't include us. When Bond asks she tells him it wouldn't interest him, he'd be bored, etc. Additionally, she planned a friend trip to New Orleans in late September without regard to the plans we had to go to the Wisconsin Burning Man. It basically feels like she has us hostage when it comes to vacations.

One thing we did discuss was going to visit my granddaughter in KY. Her first birthday is on the 25th and they are having a big party in TN, closer to her great grandparent's than their house so they can attend. B was all on board about going that night, but by morning said she couldn't due to finances. She thought we were going longer than we are planning and we kind of settled some assumptions. She said she's going to talk to WP about him keeping the kids. I kind of think she's going to back out of going.

More to say, but gotta go.
 
Message from Bond:
talked to B a bit. short answer is she's pissed about the [friend] sitch, being left out - 'oversight'.
she says it's not about the trips, but that was certainly the impetus.
she feels left out and wants more solo time with us each individually and not always the one to go home alone.​

Part of the 'more to say' when I left off was that recently Bond has been snapping at me and being argumentative. Not constantly, but enough to hurt my feelings and leave me bewildered. I barely slept Tuesday night as my mind wouldn't let go of this. I was trying to recreate conversations/situations to figure out what's happening. To see my role in all of it, too. Wondering how much of it can be assigned to being overtired. We've been working so hard on the new house for B and quite frankly we're tired as dirt. But there has to be more to it than that. Does he still like me? Am I annoying him by just being? And on and on my brain churned through things.

In the morning I brought the subject up. He said that he has decided to tease me back when I snap at him rather than absorbing it like he usually does. So, yes, it is my behavior that is playing into this situation. Between the upset with B and this I am feeling like a piece of shit. It'll take time to change his perception of me, even if I never slip into snapping at him again. I hate that.

I hosted a major headache due to lack of sleep all day. Last night I laid on our bed and listened to an Audible book all evening. I felt more like myself this morning. Bond also initiated sex, so that helped, too.

But now I'm tired again and I got that message from Bond about B wanting to change our relationship and it's not setting well.

My reply to him:
The whole situation with B has the potential to zap all the fun out of the weekend. I'm feeling pretty disconnected from both of you presently.​

There is nothing wrong with B wanting more solo time with each of us or with not wanting to be the one alone at night. Bond has pushed for that from the early days of our triad, but she was always resistant. She said that she has been changing and I believe this is what she was referring to. I'm kind of proud of her for stating what she wants and for healing enough emotionally from the way things went down with WP to want these things again, but at the same time, I don't know how well I'll handle this new dynamic. In order for her to have that solo time I will have to give up something and they aren't things I want to give up.
 
OMG, I'm dying from lack of sex. I have not had sex since the 8th. Whenever it goes this long I start to feel emotionally frayed around the edges. Bond had a bowel obstruction and has not felt well enough to engage in sex. Last Tuesday (date night) we were camping with the kids, so no sex. The week before on date night it was more of a B and Bond thing and I watched, so no orgasms there either. Thankfully, Bond initiated sex the next day, so that helped a bunch, but it's been a drought since then. (B was going to come over at 10 pm last night for sex, but we had wicked weather and the roads all around were flooded. A man lost his life after being stranded in a car and then swept away when bystanders attempted to save him and the other two passengers. Like 10-13 inches of rain! It took me an hour to drive home from work. I had to keep turning around and trying different routes.) Tonight is date night and the whole plan is dinner at home and then sex. Thank fucking god. Not sure which god, maybe the Old Gods and the New.

Giving B more one-on-one time: Bond has been "helpful"/"persistent" in suggesting events and times for me to have a date night with B. I find it helpful and irritating, especially when feeling so very tired following the trip up north and then half a week of camping with the kids. However, I followed his suggestion and asked her out to the Lesbian Pop-up Bar night last Friday. It was nice. The venue they held it at wasn't the best for a couple of reasons; for one, they don't serve any drinks that are low carb (they do not stock gin or vodka), and secondly, they wanted attendees to use their banquet room, which had long tables rather than round or high tables so mingling was hampered. I took one look in that room and was like, hell-no, and we went back to the bar. We were both tired by 9 pm, so we headed for home.

This Thursday Bond and B have a date. I believe they are going to the Orton Park Festival, which is something I've had on the calendar for eons, but oh well. I'm actually fine with that. I plan on getting our things packed for our weekend in KY and wrapping my granddaughter's birthday presents. We leave the next morning and I'm really looking forward to that. :)

Our weekend with my friend at their "cabin" was so much fun. I actually peed my pants laughing so hard. I also got a hole-in-one mini golfing. Woot! We sat in chairs in the lake and drank. We sat in the cabin and drank, and we sat in the bar and drank. We played pool, and wait for it...drank. We also played foot golf and drank. Holy fuck balls. I haven't drank that much in...years. Probably not since I used to hang with her 24/7, which would be pre-2000. Actually, I don't know if we even came close to drinking that much back then even. :D I was pretty astonished that I wasn't hungover or sick. We laugh so fucking much when we are together. I love her so much!

Camping with the kids was super nice. We had a huge yurt right on the beach of the lagoon. The kids were in the water almost around the clock. Well, S2, wasn't, but the others were. :) My grandson, B's daughter, and S3, all made new friends. They were sad to leave them.

Tomorrow is S2's birthday. He'll be 15.

Remember what I said about being too old to schlep furniture? Well, guess what we did last Saturday? Yeah. B needed her mother's couch and matching overstuffed armchair moved out and a rattan set moved into her mother's apartment. In order to get the old stuff out we had to move the refrigerator, slide the stove over, remove the door from the hinges, and then lift these pieces higher than the stove to get them out the door, stand them on end to turn because 4' from the door is a fence, and then carry them out to the curb and load them on the truck. To top things off, the humidity that day was enough to melt a person without an exertion. Fun times! But we got it done and felt like rock stars afterwards. Well, after a shower that is.

I didn't get the data job I applied for at work. I think the reasons are bullshit, but oh well. Now I am trying to decide if and when I am going to talk to my boss's boss about how my boss isn't doing his job. Sigh. I just want to burn the world down.

In a humanitarian attempt to not burn the world down, I am turning my focus to short-term rentals. I would like to buy one in a year or less. I've been crunching numbers and trying to guesstimate income and expenses. There are two websites that collect data on this and at some point I will need to buy a membership to help with planning. Meanwhile, I have been scouting real estate to educate myself on prices, and I've saved a number of Airbnb properties so I can track their rates and bookings throughout the year.

My goal is to have a 1-2 bedroom condo close to downtown here in Madison, a small house, also in Madison, not far from the downtown, but more near east, and several vacation destination homes; one being fairly extravagant like a log home with a two-story windowed wall on a lake or with lake access. I've found one for just under $300K that would be ideal. I'm also considering a smaller house in Green Bay close to Lambeau Field. There are quite a few that are around $70K. I have found some sweet downtown condos for $250-260K and also a smaller two bedroom, adorable, near east, home for that much. Oh, and I'd like a rental in the Wisconsin Dells area and one in Door County.

Hopefully these rentals will be my way out of my current job while providing a secure financial future. I need to learn how to buy property as an entity (LLC) and secure business loans. Goals. :)
 
This morning my boss asked me to come into his office to talk. He told me that they extended a job offer for the data management specialist position and that the candidate (Peter) accepted the offer. He starts on the 4th. I took the opportunity to assure my boss that I'd be nice to him, but that I was very angry about the whole situation and then I took the next 20 minutes or so to discuss quite frankly why. I didn't let him off the hook and stared him right in the eye as he explained the reasoning, and I must say that I was fantastic at countering and asking pointed questions. I told him that I don't think he realizes how good I am with data. He assured me he does. (He has no clue.) I expressed how let down I feel by the Bureau that they did not take into account my nearly 17 years of experience with them. That I had thought the Bureau was of a better caliber, but evidently not. That if it was one year from now (when I am debt-free) I would have quit. He went on and on that they do not want to lose me and that they value me. I gave him a sardonic, direct look that said, "Really? Funny way of showing it."

When he answered my question as to what skills Peter has that I lack, he said that they felt he'd be able to interface with the auditees and their IT component. I let him know that I have many years of experience working with customers. He mentioned that Peter has 12 years of experience as a DBA. I interjected that I have been doing the data for the Bureau since 2006, which is quite a long time - 12 years. Later in the conversation when I asked how they hope to get the audit teams to accept and pass more responsibility onto the data management specialist he said a few things and I replied back that I think having if we tell him the history of past interactions with the auditee and the overall goal that he'll be able to work with the auditee's IT people directly which will lead to better data files. And again, my boss had a light bulb moment. One thing after another showed that I certainly could handle the job. Fuck him. He told me that they had seriously considered me for the job and were thinking of the impact on the IT unit and how to cover my current position if they gave me the job, but then they got these two candidates that he thought were sterling. He said they have plans to expand that role and the number of people and that they are planning on slotting me into that. I told him, "Oh, great, another person to report to. And one that I get to train in the first place." He assured me that I wouldn't be reporting to him and that I wouldn't be hierarchically below him, but rather equal. Which lead me to mentioning that another aspect is that this person is being hired at a higher rate than I make. I laid it on him that the Bureau developed me into the data person that I currently am, but then judged me insufficient without offering me the training that are seeking. I also asked him why I hadn't been considered for the position in the first place before they did an external job search. I'm so pissed that they didn't interview me. I had no heads-up, only Anne showing up at my cubicle and asking me to come into my boss's office to talk. It was an informal discussion and I didn't get to say all the things I would have in an actual interview.

My co-worker is so upset about all of this. She's my champion, at least privately, although she is tempted to actually speak to Anne and the top boss about all of this. I feel that as a unit, the three of us let things go too far before reporting to Anne that our boss isn't cutting the mustard.

I'm going to let a few days pass, and if my boss doesn't speak to Anne and the big guy, then I'm going to.
 
I've let a lot of time pass since my last post. So many things happened. The day after my last post, B's dad (chosen family - she had two dads, they were a couple) committed suicide. It was an absolute shock to her as they had shielded her from his depression. Her BFF flew in from CO and B told us to go forward with our plans to visit my son and his family in KY for my granddaughter's first birthday on the 25th. It felt wrong leaving her, but also right at the same time as it gave her time with her BFF to go to Green Bay and be with her chosen family to mourn.

Kentucky: Bond and I left Friday morning for KY. We got a late start, because we wanted to see B before leaving. I think we got out of town around 10 AM. We hit heavy traffic in Indianapolis and also Louisville. Our timing sucked. The kids picked us up at our hotel and we went to Buffalo Wild Wings, which it turns out if practically out the back of the hotel parking lot. LOL. My granddaughter is the sweetest, most easy going baby I've ever encountered. We left the restaurant right before 11 PM and she totally rolled with it. Her party was hot and humid, but she was a trooper. She may be the first one year old I've ever witnessed to actually open her presents and move onto the next with no objections. Love that baby girl! Sunday we met up with her other set of grandparents for breakfast and then the kids and us went to the Nashville Zoo for the day. What a nice zoo. We bought them a season pass so they'll be able to go for free for the next year. When you're broke and have a baby there aren't many things you can go do and they seem to really enjoy the zoo. This was their second visit there. I hope they use the pass. Monday morning we headed for home. We were super anxious to get back to B.

Bond and I never had an opportunity to meet her dads before this tragedy. We went with her to the funeral. B had told us that it would be packed, as he was well known and had been quite the humanitarian, but the public outpouring was more than we had anticipated. The visitation was from 2:30 pm to 6:00 pm, and it took us an hour to get through the line. There were flowers from one of our State senators, two from the Green Bay Packers, another from the Breast Cancer Foundation, and a whole bunch from other organizations. He was on six boards for local arts and charities. A local artist created a piece that was displayed at the church entrance, and also was on the theatre marquee with his name and dates of his life. B's ex-husband sent her a message saying he was in line for an hour, but was turned away at the door due to capacity limitations. There was a reception following the funeral, also on the campus. To say this was touching and powerful would not come close to expressing the emotional impact of this funeral.

B's BFF posted this to FB:

This is a story about family, and loss.

My best friend, my sister, she was a girl born to a single mother, who just didn't have as much time or energy as needed for her. Between 4-5 years old, she was brought to a building of misfits, musicians, artists, and actors. The only child in a downtown apartment building, around 5 stories high with a center court and an old empty elevator shaft.

The residents fell in love with this little girl and raised her as their own. She ran from door to door, pounding and ringing bells, insisting on their love. For the next 5 years in that apartment complex, she became the thread in their lives that tied these random people together and created the family that they all needed, and then managed to bind them to their natural families too.

They became her dads, her aunts and uncles. Their parents became her grandparents. Their nieces became her cousins. Most continued to live near each other, and those few that moved away still kept closely in touch beyond state lines.

That little girl grew up. She introduced her friends to her family. Got married in her Dads backyard. Moved away, but always had a place to stay in their home, their sanctuary. Open doors, comfortable beds, and lots of stories about my friend as the small child they raised. Every time I went back to visit, this is where we stayed.

Last week, one of her Dads began to seriously struggle with anxiety and depression. He went with his partner to his therapist to have his medications adjusted. The therapist insisted on in-patient treatment, didn't trust the partner to help. The situation became amplified, and the police were called to place him into care. It was a weekend, the facility they needed wasn't available, and he was driven hours away. The medication he was on was taken away, and he wasn't given the care he so desperately needed at the time. He was given coloring books and crayons and markers, and his partner, the love that he was married to and shared his life for almost 40 years, wasn't allowed to intervene. He wrote letters about his time there, optimistic and heartbreaking letters.

And then on Thursday he took his own life in the facility they had placed him.

This is why I'm in Green Bay.​

New stories about Jim:

Dreamer and doer, Jim Rivett made the Green Bay music scene richer, too

Jim Rivett, who was a tireless contributor to community, dies unexpectedly at 60

Jim Rivett, active in Green Bay community, dies at age 60

His family went public with the information that his death was a suicide. I admire them so much for doing so. Green Bay family shines light on depression after brother's death

We spent the night in Green Bay with B and returned home Friday morning. I didn't go into work, fuck that place! I spent the afternoon working in the yard instead. What a mess. I cannot do all the things needed at our house and work full-time. I spent hours and hours working on various things around the house the weekend, so today I feel like life is somewhat in order. I'd like to have more days to do that and really get things whipped into shape. I really want to take some space in our mechanical room (huge basement room) that we use for storage to set up an art space. I am itching to do paint pours.

I downsized from two fish tanks to one, got rid of all of the mystery snails, and now have the Mollies and the two plecostomuses in the 40 gallon tank. Bond and the older two boys moved the old kitchen base cabinet, the one fish tank had been sitting on, to the basement. I'm so glad to have it out of the sunroom. It really opened things up. Now you don't see the back of a cabinet when looking into the sunroom from the living room. While they were moving things they took down the two twin beds in the spare bedroom downstairs and carried all the boxes for the new bed down to the bedroom. They didn't assemble the new bed, but it's all there now at least. I'm so happy that happened.

I'm going to end this here. There is more to say, but I have things to get done.
 
My daughter was arrested on a warrant Monday night for unpaid child support. It'll take several days before she's booked, as they have to transport her from north central WI to south central WI. I have decided I am not going to bail her out. I'm pretty sure she will qualify for work release. She did last time. I am done rescuing her. Done supporting her. At a point it becomes enabling instead and we crossed that line a long time ago. To be truthful, I do not think she will live a long life. This may precipitate things or it may help her as I don't think she'll be able to use drugs in jail. I feel like I'm being terribly callous, and I'm not 100% certain I can maintain this hard line.

I spoke to my youngest son, my brother and sister, and my partners, and everyone is behind me. From the looks of her, she's using heavily again. I anticipate that she'll be booked sometime today and that I'll be getting a phone call from her. I am dreading the conversation I'll have to have with her.
 
I'm sorry, Petunia :( For the little it's worth, I think you're doing the right thing. My family's going through something similar with my sister's children. It's so hard not to help, but then the helping just becomes enabling and is counterproductive. ((Hugs)) Take care of you.
 
I'm sorry, Petunia :( For the little it's worth, I think you're doing the right thing. My family's going through something similar with my sister's children. It's so hard not to help, but then the helping just becomes enabling and is counterproductive. ((Hugs)) Take care of you.

Thanks, PinkPig. :)
 
I wrote my daughter a letter and posted it in the mail this afternoon. She called while I was in a meeting and again just a little while ago, but I didn't pick it up. I'm assuming it's her, because the call says it's coming from the city she's in and I never get calls from there otherwise.

She should get the letter on Saturday, well, it'll be delivered to the detention center on Saturday, but when she gets it will depend on the system.

I don't want to talk to her until she's had time to digest the letter. I told her I'll visit her in a week. They allow visitation according to first letter of a person's last name which is Sundays and Thursdays for her.

Although I said I was not going to bail her out or support her anymore, I did send quite a bit of money her way today. I laid out in the letter how I expect it to be used.

I have sent the detention facility $300, which is their maximum allowed. This is to be used as so, $210 to initiate your eligibility for Huber/Work Release. (This is the upfront charge that covers the first two weeks, and thereafter it is $105/week.) $25 to cover your booking fee, and the remainder for the commissary. I have deposited $50 with Inmate Calling Solutions, please use it sparingly as it is extremely expensive. Use the stamped envelopes to send letters when possible rather than calling.​

For profit detention systems are one of the worst ideas ever. It's incredibly expensive to have someone incarcerated.

*************
My programmer co-worker (GP) and I met with the new data specialist guy this morning to give him an overview of the data and we got to ask him questions about his experience doing different things. Turns out he does NOT have data analytics experience and has barely done any data analysis. Seriously, I am so much more qualified for the position than he is that it isn't even funny. After that our IT unit took him to lunch. At the end of the meal when the waitress was passing out checks my boss never offered up to pay for his meal. I waited a bit and then I took it and put it in with mine. After the waitress took everyone's cards and went to run them, my boss was all like, "Hey, I'll get that." Really? Should we chase down the waitress? He's lame beyond belief.
 
I've continued to watch YouTube videos on acrylic art pours and I'm on several Facebook groups for it, too. I am so antsy to get going on this. Hopefully I'll get started organizing the big room in the basement where the art space is going to be set up on Sunday. I'd dearly love to buy two heavy duty shelving units to get the remainder of the stuff that is sitting around in this room set up on. Unfortunately the shelves I want to get cost $100 per unit, and I believe I'll need two at a minimum, possibly three. There are less expensive options and if I involve Bond in the decision making, he'll no doubt steer me in that direction. Several years ago I got a lot of shelve units for this room and they are the cheaper ones that I am anticipating Bond will steer me towards. They are decent, but there are things I don't like about them, they're not wide and the spacing between shelves is set at one height. The ones I'm hoping to get are like the ones I put in the garage. They are the type that will last a lifetime, because they have heavy metal framing. The others are plastic, thus weaker and over time I think they'll sag. I've also got my eye on a smaller shelf unit that I think will work well for paints and supplies. Thankfully that's only $35 or so.

We have an old ping pong table, homemade, that was left by the previous owners. I'm planning on using it as an art table. Hopefully it'll have the strength to support our work spaces without dipping on the corners. If it's not up to the task, then I'll have to find something else. I'm considering getting a couple of XL crate pans to use for paint pour trays to catch drips. There are other options like washing machine drip trays or oil drip pans, or storage bins, or disposable foil pans.

I'm a bit concerned about how messing this will be, or rather how messy I will be! I believe I've mentioned that I manage to get paint on myself before I can get the brush applied to the wall :D when painting a room. I'm considering coveralls with a long apron over them, gloves, and dedicated painting shoes, plus wide, thick plastic sheeting to cover the floor even though it's cement and nothing fancy, and thinner plastic to cover the ping pong table. I keep reading about people finding paint on their skin that has seeped through their clothing, and finding paint on the soles of their feet, and paint getting on their sheets, etc. I am rather worried that I'll track paint onto the new carpet in the hallway and stairwell, so I'm hoping to lessen the risk. I'll control what I can, but I know going in that there is no controlling B. She's like a force of nature. New idea - area rugs outside the room. We already have several inside the room by the doorway. I like the idea of using this room for the art space, because it has a utility sink in the corner. I may need to expand on the area rug idea and put them down all the way to the basement bathroom.

The kids are at their mother's this weekend. Tonight we have a social mixer for Bond's work. They had one last year and it was a lot of fun, so B has been on Bond to find out when they're going to have another. I swear they are only having one because she pushed him to ask. LOL. We may join an art walk following the mixer if we get out of there early enough. Tomorrow night we're hosting a small party, so the day will probably be consumed with preparation for that. And as I've mentioned, I'm hoping to work in the basement organizing things on Sunday.

Last night we went to B's even though she wasn't home at the time, because Bond wanted to complete some outstanding projects. He knocked three things off the list, including installing a new outlet for the ceiling fan in the kitchen so now it's possible to control the fan speed. And we got the bench/swing hung up on the lower patio. B was so excited about that. :)
 
I'm so nervous and overall feeling sad about the situation with my daughter. I am dreading visiting her on Thursday.

Our party Saturday night was really nice. It was a small group for once and it was so much easier. Clean-up was quick and for once I didn't overdo on food.

Sunday we put the ping pong table up on it's legs and I don't think it's going to work as a work surface for doing art pours. It's too easy to flex it with a bit of weight and that just won't work for paint pouring as the paint will slide off the surface before it sets. It's one thing to move the paint during creation of the piece, but another to have it slide off after you have what you want.

Bond and I shopped for shelving. We didn't buy anything, but we narrowed down our choice. We also drove around Middleton looking at the businesses that are still dealing with all the flooding damage.

Tonight we're going to Polycocktails. I feel like we haven't been there in a long time. Not sure how accurate that is, but it sure seems like a long time. I got a message from some dude who moved to our area from Michigan. He's hoping to connect with people. I am 100% not looking to add another relationship as I'm poly-saturated, but maybe he'll be at the meetup tonight and we can talk in a totally platonic way.

B's new sofa is being delivered tomorrow. She's so excited. :)

Franki and Smatch are heading up north on Wednesday. They'll be back on Sunday and plan on stopping in Madison for the Willy Street Fair. Maybe I'll get to see her then. They were at our party Saturday night and that was nice, but she and I really need some alone time together. I feel like my life races by and I don't have the energy to make time for her. I feel caught in the current and worn down.
 
I got a call late in the afternoon from a number I assumed would be my daughter calling. I stared at it and decided to not pick it up. Total chicken shit not facing things kind of decision which is a crap way to do life. I just didn't want to get into a conversation that had the potential to be highly emotional sitting at my desk in a cubicle and our conference room was busy, and that's my usual go-to spot for private phone calls. Following right on the heels of that call was a call from my mother, which I took. She was calling to say that my daughter was out of jail and sitting outside the courthouse waiting for me to pick her up. So, at 4:20 pm I sent a quick note to Bond and B, left work, and drove to pick up my daughter. It's about an hour away. I could hardly believe she was out. I kept wondering if they would refund me all the money I put on her account or not. The jail system can be really fucking slippery. I wasn't sure what my reception would and how hostile and hurt she'd be feeling towards me and all of that.

She seemed really good when I got to her. Lots of smiles and hugs. Lots of conversation. She looked skinny as a rail, but not in a using/drug addict way.

Turns out she was able to make bond, because I had put money on her account. Bond was set at $250. So, even though I said that I wasn't going to continue to bail her out, I literally bailed her out! :eek: She has to be back for court on Thursday.

She was in a hurry to get in contact with her friends up north, her boss as she needs him to provide employment information and deal with the fact that he wasn't paying into child support for her, check on her dog, etc. The cop that arrested her didn't let her take her phone, so she had no way of immediately contacting anyone. I put some food in front of her when we got home, logged onto my laptop and logged off of Facebook so she could log on and contact people via Messenger, and then handed my phone over to her. If you ever want to test how dependent you are on your devices, try sitting around without them sometime. OMG. I was a bit lost.

Her best friend called her immediately. She's been taking care of her dog and she assured her that he's just fine. And she got her a few phone numbers that she needed. She has been wanting to work construction for this one person and she and this guy are interested in each other, but the timing was always off in the past so nothing ever came of it. He builds log homes and has about 6 projects going through the state and in Michigan. He happened to be going past Madison last night and he agreed to come by our place to talk.

What I hadn't realized is that my daughter never got my letter. It wasn't until quite late that I figured that out. Bond got home from Polycocktails around 9:30 pm and he was there by then, so yeah hours after I had picked her up. She asked for stamps and envelopes and I asked her if she had gotten the ones I had sent and she said no, she hadn't gotten anything. :eek: I wonder if they'll give it to her on Thursday. All I can guess is that the package arrived on Saturday, but they didn't disperse the mail that day, but she may have gotten it on Monday, but she had her court appearance, so she didn't get it.

I'm hoping she never gets it. She seems so much better than I thought she would. She has been working hard, just not getting paid, and she's really trying to turn things around. She has figured out the solution on her own to this latest round, too.

This new boss, Ron, seems like a decent guy and he's running a successful business. He knows the score with her and is still interested in employing her and also in dating her. He is letting her take his truck on Thursday so she can get to court. I'm really hopeful that she is going to find some success in life.

Fingers crossed.

She mentioned that she'll need a place to leave her stuff and be at some weekends. She's hoping that can be our place. Bond is not opposed. I'm reluctant. She smokes and her stuff stinks. I hate that. She has a dog, too. She can take him with her to work, so he would only be there when she is, so that wouldn't be too bad. It would definitely make it hard to have my grandson, though.
 
The judge sentenced my daughter to six months in jail, but if she gets a job for 35 hours or greater/week, or completes the paperwork and submits it to the child support agency for work search, then she does not have to serve the time.

Listening to her on the stand, man it was heartbreaking. I actually cried. Her life is incredibly hard and she has been trying so hard to turn things around.

Ron was right on top of setting things up with the child support agency for payments, and when he talked to my daughter later Thursday night, he let her know that he had paid her entire child support balance! And the next four weeks worth, too! Folks this was over $13,000. To say she was stunned doesn't even cover it. She told him she'd pay him back, and he told her no. His only requirement is that she keeps a job, whether it's working for him, or doing something less taxing on her body. He actually set the payments to automatically be paid from his credit card.

So even though he says to not worry about paying him back, something like this creates a bit of an imbalance and expectation to their dynamic and I hope it doesn't ruin things.
 
Today there was an active shooter .41 miles from Bond's work. The schools that S1, S2, and B's oldest go to were on lock down. People were posting sad emojis on the news stories on Facebook and I was all fucking angry emoji-ing them. I'm so angry about the shooting incidents we have in this fucking country. People can stuff their thoughts and prayers right up their fucking asses. Let's put some legislation in place!

B leaves on vacation and I have knee surgery, both bright and early tomorrow morning. We'll be up at the ass crack of dawn to accomplish both arrival times to the airport and hospital. I have to shower using a medicated cleansing soap, sleep on clean sheets, and shower again in the morning with the special soap. We'll be dropping B off around 5:15 am, so I can check in at 5:45 am.

I'm so happy to be off work until the 1st. And speaking of work, lunch is over and I need to get busy training the new guy.
 
My surgery went well. I returned to work today. I wish I'd never have to return here. Saturday night I suddenly remembered that the day after the next I'd be back at work and the feeling of stress associated with my job bounced back into my awareness. It surprised me, because I hadn't realized how I had walked away from something I feel so intensely. I'm going to be so happy when the day arrives when I am not working an outside job.

Most of the swelling in my knee is gone. The stitches came out on the 27th and now the incisions are covered by steristrips. Actually one of them has fallen off; two more to go.

Tonight Bond and B have a date night. We're both feeling very disconnected with her. Bond has barely slept the past two nights because of it. He plans on having a relationship discussion with her tonight. We've barely seen her since she got back from NOLA, and none of those times were intimate. She's doing her own thing and doesn't really share what her plans are. Which isn't a requirement, but it definitely adds to the disconnect.

She and her kids hung out with us Friday night. When I asked what the plan was for her kids' b-days (3rd and 8th of Oct) she pretty much told us that we weren't going to get to do anything with them. They were doing "family dinners" with each kid on their b-day, nothing more. I was super bummed. She says all the time that we are family and then does things like this.

Saturday the new hot tub cover came in, so Bond sent her a message that he needed to borrow WP's truck to haul it. She thumbs up'd the message, but nothing more. She took her daughter to Devil's Lake so she could get her annual sweatshirt for her b-day. Didn't offer up that was what she was doing, or offer to contact her husband about the truck. Bond and I ended up doing it all. Turns out she had been at WP's to drop the kids around 3:00 pm. We sat and waited for him to get home in order to get the keys. As the clock was ticking down, WP messaged and asked us if B was there (no) and then let us know that the kids were there, so we could get the keys off the table. We barely made it to the spa place before they closed. When we got to her house she was home, so she helped a little with things. I asked if she had plans that night. She did; with The Therapist (ex-boyfriend). She keeps saying they will only ever be friends, but Bond thinks they are actually dating. The up-side was that she offered up times when we can celebrate her kids' birthdays. I guess she may have had time to consider it and found some availability.

We moved date night from Tuesday to Friday this week and will actually be going out to bars. I'm not sure how enthused I am about going out drinking. I'm getting too old for stuff like that.

Tonight I'm excluded from their date night. Makes me sad. But considering the stuff Bond wants to discuss with her, I'm kind of glad I won't be there. It would probably come across as the two of us ganging up on her. Instead I'm going to immerse myself doing acrylic paint pours.

Bond's HS gf is in town for training again this week. I think he and B are doing something with her on Wednesday or Thursday night. I am busy both nights. Wednesday I have a hair appointment and Thursday I am going to a book reading by the author with Franki.

We're swapping the kids' weekends around this month, because Naya is going out of town on a weekend she'd normally have them. It works perfectly for us, because now we won't have kids the weekend of the 13th, which is when Bond's company Halloween party is happening. That means we won't have kids on a weekend until the 19th. Woot!

I've been having so much fun creating fluid paintings.

Black, white, and gold, 10" x 10"

Purple and Gold 5" x 7"

Turquoise, Burnt Sienna, and Gold 10" x 10"

Fish: Green, Blue, and Yellow 5" x 7"

Aqua, Blue, and Green 10" x 20"
 
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It's date night for the triad tonight. I'm really jazzed about it. I think we may do a bunch of things. There are a lot of things happening around the city tonight and if the weather is good hopefully we'll do a few of them. If not, then at a minimum we're going to the adult store for a dildo for B, a couple of pipes - again for B, and then a couple of fun bars and back home for some sex. Yay! B is spending the night, so we'll have her for a bit in the morning, too. :)

I'm pushing to get pumpkins tomorrow from near where I used to live. It'll be a 20-25 minute drive one way and I suspect I'll meet some resistance about going from Bond, and B if she's still around. But, seriously people, they have the best pumpkins by far and I haven't gotten pumpkins from there for at least 3 years, maybe more. Want!

Date night with Franki last night was really nice. We did not make it to the book reading, which was a bummer, because she was late getting to Madison, so we just went to dinner. After dinner we went to B's so she could see the new house in person. She loved it. Franki's house is super tiny, and B's new place is quite small, but actually larger than Franki's. Bond and S2 were there and B's friend, unsure if I've named her before, was also there. They had just started a bonfire and it was fantastic. Bond had a packet that you toss on the fire and it makes all sorts of colors as the fire burns. It was fabulous. Franki and I sat on the bench swing (we both love swinging) and rocked forward and back towards the fire bowl. It was so nice. We left around 9:00 pm, because Franki had a 45-50 minute drive home and she had to work today. It was a really nice night.

My knee is doing fabulous. I'm super pleased with how it's healing. I noticed a big improvement starting Tuesday, not that it wasn't healing like a champ before then, but it turned a healing corner on Tuesday and it continues to improve. Mostly I notice sore muscles up my thigh, and minor swelling near the knee above and below the knee cap. The bruising is mostly gone. I can walk down stairs now with barely a notice, just the tight thigh muscles mostly. However, I climbed back into bed in the middle of the night two nights ago and put my surgery knee onto the mattress first and applied weight. Damn! That was the wrong thing to do! Our bed is super high, like 35.5" high, so climbing into bed is really a bit of a climb. I had to stand by the bed until I could handle the pain and then climb into bed in another manner that didn't torture the sore knee.

My daughter asked to live with us for a bit. We mulled it over, I'm full of dread, but we said yes. No definite plans on when or how she'll get down here. I hope it's not for long. She's bringing her dog. I hope the cats and the dog co-habitat well.

I hope I find time to play with paints this weekend. I'll have to force myself into the kitchen for some cooking to get us through the week. It's a rough week when that doesn't happen.
 
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My daughter has a chance at a welding job in Iowa, so instead of moving in with us, her dog moved in with us until she can have him with her. We went up north to pick him up on Sunday. I scheduled an appointment for a neuter on our way back and got him set up for the 9th (yesterday). He's a sweet dog, but he has separation anxiety. Today is his first day home without us, and I'm concerned how he is going to handle things. I hope he doesn't damage anything. Monday I kenneled him when I ran to Menard's and Michaels and he tore at the blanket in the crate. Today he refused to go into the crate. We shut him in the sunroom for the day instead. His crate is also in the sunroom. Bond will be home at lunch time to check on him. Fingers crossed he and the room are okay.

The cats seem to think he's okay-ish. Max interacts with him a lot, and Sybil is more cautious. It doesn't help that he rushed her and scared her. He was being friendly, just excited to make her acquaintance, but now she thinks he's the devil or maybe just a demon. She does come close now, but it's almost worse, because if he comes towards her she bolts, which he thinks is a game. We're working on it and things seem to be improving.

Last night was the triad date night. We did acrylic paint pouring. First Bond and B watched me do a flip cup, and then B picked out paint colors and I got them mixed and she did a flip cup. She was enthralled and so damn B! She shook the canvas to make things flow faster. OMG, we had paint flying. Bond used a cup in a cup angel wing style and poured in his own style. Can't say it was a true angel wing, but it turned out cool. Both of their paintings were pretty damn neat. They loved doing it.

Franki and Smatch leave tomorrow for a wedding in Canada. She won't have cell service, so I won't hear much from her until next Wednesday.
 
Bond and B had an at-home date night at B's last night. He's trying to meet her request that she have one-on-one time with each of us. He asks her to do so many things and she turns him down so often. Take this date last night; he asked her last Friday if she had plans for Wednesday (yesterday) and if not, if she'd like to do something with him. She told him that she wanted to leave it open, because she may want to see other people and she'd let him know. I feel so bad for him. It feel so crummy to be rejected as often as she rejects his invitations. When they're spaced it out it's not a big deal, but when they stack up it takes a toll. He tries to not let it get to him, but it's hard to not feel rejected after so many refusals.

Tuesday night he asked her if they were on or not, and she said she didn't have anything going on, so yes. And that she just wanted to stay home, which was fine with him. Before she could answer, though, he offered to let me take his place if she'd rather, which really pissed her off. She felt like he was trying to orchestrate the relationship between her and me. They had more conversation yesterday morning via messaging and things were stated better. I was there when he made the offer, and I really think he was trying to make her happy and feeling a bit insecure that she keeps rejecting him, so he was being magnanimous. I think because of the improved communication she sent me a message asking me to lunch on Friday. I was excited to get the invite. And I encouraged Bond to go to her place last night. He was happy I encouraged him, because it makes him feel comfortable knowing I support his time with her.

Saturday night is Bond's work Halloween party. It's always a good time. There isn't a theme this year, so we're all doing something different.
 
Halloween pics!

B with fake blood on her tongue.

Bond, the Raven.

The three of us.

One of the nights last week, maybe Friday night, I asked B if she'd be open to Bond spending the night with her after the party. She said yes like it was no big deal. It must have been Friday night. We did the hot tub thing and there was conversation about our plans for B, me, and Franki to go to the Lesbian Pop Up Bar event on the 19th. B was rolling with ideas and said we should turn it into a full blown girls' night and come back to her place afterwards for a fire and hot tub time and then sleepover. Fun, right?! I'm so excited about that!

So Saturday night after the party, I was asking Bond what he needed to grab for his sleepover and conversation went down the path of me having the dog to keep me company. All no big deal convo. We got back to the house and I was falling asleep on the way, so I was rather relieved that Bond got his stuff fairly quickly and they were out the door, because I couldn't wait to climb into bed. I sent them good night messages and it was lights out for me. In the morning I got some messages from them, but no big deal. I got myself going on household stuff, well, first I had coffee, and figured I wouldn't bother them or start asking Bond when he was coming home, because I wanted them to enjoy their time. He got home sometime after 10 AM. He was such a happy camper, but the part that makes me all squee and even more full of compersion was hearing how happy all of this made B. She didn't think it was going to happen and she felt so relieved that I was all relaxed and cool about it. She loved having him stay over. That makes me so happy. I'm really looking forward to my turn. :)

Franki messaged yesterday that they were back in the States. They're spending a couple of days in the UP and then they'll be home. She may have to pick her son up from the airport on the 19th, which will impact our lesbian pop up bar night. We're working on solutions. She may send him home with her vehicle and I'll drop her off at her house the morning after our sleepover.

The Mad Town Beatdown (Brazilian Jujitsu) held their practice at our house on Sunday. Bond hasn't attended a practice in months. Seems we're always doing something and I tend to forget about it. I have a feeling that we'll be hosting most Sundays through the colder months going forward. The space they had been using has been raising the rates and they can't afford it. They are hoping to rotate the location through the different members' homes, but no one really has the space for it other than us and one other person.

Friday before work I bought two heavy-duty tables (5' x 3') off of the Facebook Marketplace from a private high school. They are incredibly heavy! Bond and I got them in the house and down in my art space yesterday afternoon. The whole space needs to be rejiggered, but they're down there and set up. They are marvelously sturdy and will be fantastic once leveled to account for the slope of the floor. (Basement floors slope for drainage.)
 
Tonight is the triad date night. :D B wants to paint again. She's going to end up with a full day at The Beach (our house), because she's cleaning today and expects it to take the majority of her day, or up until she needs to pick up kids from school, and then she'll be back after dropping the kids at their dad's. The dog will be super happy that he won't need to be kenneled for most of the day.

We'll have to move things about in the art space in order to paint tonight, but that's a good thing. I'm excited about setting up the space with the new tables.

I think Bond is going to pick up a rotisserie chicken from Costco for dinner, so that'll be quick and will leave enough time for sex and painting. :) Oh, he better get vodka while he's at Costco, too! I'm not much of a fan of rum or whiskey with soda water.

I'm really looking forward to tonight and to our Girls' Night on Friday.

We've been watching Man in the High Castle. We only have two more episodes left before we finish Season 2. We're blowing through it so quickly. I kind of can't wait to see it through to the end, while at the same time I'm sad that we're almost done and will have a long wait before the next season is available.
 
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