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Old 04-05-2015, 03:23 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Originally Posted by MightyMax View Post
I saw limiting how often I saw a person as a way of ensuring things didn't move so fast that before I knew it I had another full-time partner to consider . . . It was about limiting the feelings shared in other relationships, but it wasn't because anyone was jealous or insecure. It was what I needed and wanted at the time.
Hi and thanks for the feedback. What you wrote makes sense to me. If one has a lot on their plate and needs to avoid over-committing themselves, sure, it makes sense to go at a pace that is manageable and to see someone at a frequency that won't add to the stress. In fact, that viewpoint does align with my own. I want my connections and liaisons to be lighthearted and easygoing, as well as full of hot sex! And I don't want any full-time partners.

In general, I don't really have the energy to see someone more than once or twice a week, if it is an emotionally invested relationship, and that would seem like a lot to me if it were regularly that frequent. I like to skip a week here and there, mix it up a little. I think that frequency would be easier to handle if it was a FWB who didn't stay the night every time we hooked up. "Fuck me and then go." If a pattern emerges where we see each other a lot, like twice or more a week, it becomes a challenge for me to not get all clingy and attached. I don't avoid loving someone, I just prefer not to cling on to them and become too dependent. My goals are always to love without attachment.

In this case, though, this man straight-up told me that he and his wife are avoiding intense emotions that might develop, and to avoid those messy feelings from coming up, they limit how often each of them can be with someone else, as well as having no overnights or weekends. I don't really like the sound of that, but like I said, I still think the parameters can work as long as I feel there isn't a third party trying to steer how my relationship is going. And as long as the sex is good and satisfying, and I have other lovers where I feel I can call the shots as much as they do. Besides, I really won't know if this is something that will work for me until I meet him and we talk a little more in-depth, face-to-face - but I am looking at him as a potential FWB.
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Last edited by nycindie; 04-05-2015 at 03:35 PM.
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