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Old 11-16-2013, 01:56 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 7,382

I'm sorry you struggle.

Could not take it personally. Could sort it out. Could also express your own feelings.

Could ask him something like
"When you ask me if I would have still been with you without your sex skills -- I do not know how to answer that. That is a "what if" and not a "what is" here.
  • Are you actually asking me if I am using you for sex like your previous rships? If so? No, I am not.
  • Are you asking me to tell you why I am with you and what I see in you? If so, I could try to list.

Before going into deeper conversation, could you be willing to clarify what are you actually asking me here? What your need is at this time? Reassurance? Validation?

Because when you ask me like "would you still have gotten together with me without my sex skills" it seems kinda "hinty" and seems to assume I'm a user. That bothers me because I have my own past relationship buttons that can be pushed. I could be taking it wrong and that might not be your intent. So... let's sort that out.

I am willing to help if I can, but I don't know how since I don't know what behavior you would like or what you are actually asking me. "
What behaviors does he need from you?
What behaviors do you need from him?

Could sort that out, and then could ask

"How would you like me to approach you next time we see each other? Would you welcome me flirting next time? Or initiating sex? I want to treat you the way you want to be treated, but I'm not sure now what you would like from my behavior toward you. I want to be with you, but I don't want to push buttons.
Could be emotionally honest and authentic here. But not DWELL on stuff in your own head.

Could focus on (talking and sorting it out) instead of (focusing on feeling weird.) Then these feelings in you don't go out of proportion because you are taking action to resolve them.


Last edited by GalaGirl; 11-16-2013 at 02:09 AM.
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