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  #51  
Old 03-18-2014, 01:39 PM
ate2007 ate2007 is offline
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Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Generally, I know from the first look if I am sexually attracted to someone or not. Then, I know there is chemistry from the first kiss. 4 months of making out and touching and NOW she decides she's not attracted? Excuse me?
'

LOL, Magdlyn - exactly! She just told me like 2 weeks ago she wanted us to be long term. The night before yesterday she misses me - and then yesterday- she's not into me sexually. I'm confused and angry as shit. You just wasted four months of my life -- for what?'
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  #52  
Old 03-18-2014, 01:40 PM
ate2007 ate2007 is offline
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Originally Posted by FullofLove1052 View Post
I am sorry that happened to you. It took her four months to figure that out, but honestly, it is quite possible she really did not know. I wondered that when I first read your posts, but other theories were plausible.

Out of curiousity, did you ask her when she knew that for sure? I am curious as to how long she knew, and if it was for a while, why she dragged her feet and told you that it would happen in x amount of time? Granted for most people, primary attraction is immediate. IMC, that is not so, which is why I say it is possible.
She said she did some processing over the weekend and came to that conclusion.
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  #53  
Old 03-18-2014, 01:50 PM
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She said she did some processing over the weekend and came to that conclusion.
Wow. I think she did you a favour. The hot and cold and teasing game is very off-putting. She wanted your relationship to be long-term, but she feels no sexual attraction/chemistry? Unless she was aiming for a non-sexual relationship with you and realised it would not work because you wanted physical intimacy, I am not getting that one. Even so, that would need to be expressed, discussed, and agreed upon by both parties. That scenario could work. Who knows? She sounds confused. IIRC, this was her first same-sex relationship, right? I say wish her well and move on.
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  #54  
Old 03-18-2014, 01:53 PM
ate2007 ate2007 is offline
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Originally Posted by FullofLove1052 View Post
Wow. I think she did you a favour. The hot and cold and teasing game is very off-putting. She wanted your relationship to be long-term, but she feels no sexual attraction/chemistry? Unless she was aiming for a non-sexual relationship with you and realised it would not work because you wanted physical intimacy, I am not getting that one. Even so, that would need to be expressed, discussed, and agreed upon by both parties. That scenario could work. Who knows? She sounds confused. IIRC, this was her first same-sex relationship, right? I say wish her well and move on.
I'm lost too, FullofLove...LOL. This was her 1st same sex relationship. Moving right along
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  #55  
Old 03-18-2014, 04:38 PM
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'

LOL, Magdlyn - exactly! She just told me like 2 weeks ago she wanted us to be long term. The night before yesterday she misses me - and then yesterday- she's not into me sexually. I'm confused and angry as shit. You just wasted four months of my life -- for what?'
Grrrr! Obviously I am also angry for you.

As Jesse Pinkman would say-- "BITCH!"
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  #56  
Old 03-19-2014, 06:53 PM
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Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Generally, I know from the first look if I am sexually attracted to someone or not. Then, I know there is chemistry from the first kiss. 4 months of making out and touching and NOW she decides she's not attracted? Excuse me?
I don't. I don't have a strong sex drive and my sexual attraction isn't based on visual stimulation. It takes me a while to become attracted to someone, and I can't predict at first whether I eventually will or not.

There are a lot of factors that go into sexual attraction for me, and none of them are looks. Smell, attitude, reactions to certain interactions or events either in our own lives or political etc., intelligence, ability to hold a stimulating conversation... Many of these things aren't readily apparent when you meet someone or even after a few weeks. Also, any one of them can suddenly kill my attraction in a single event. Maybe one day you say something completely ignorant and I realize you're a racist dick. *click* You're no longer sexy.

It's not about being a tease or playing games to mess with people's heads, it's just how I'm wired. Sexual attraction, for me with my low sex drive, is strongly correlated to emotional attraction, and that takes time to build. That being said, I'm usually upfront about this aspect of my personality, and people who aren't cool with that have the option to leave before they get involved, or else keep their heart minimally involved until we're both sure something is there.
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  #57  
Old 03-19-2014, 07:31 PM
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I completely understand where you are coming from, SC. I am the same way. I feel no attraction to strangers. The emotional level has to be up to par, but even if it is, there is no guarantee love or any attraction will ever follow. I have to be in love in order to feel sexual attraction. The last time I fell in love was almost 14 years ago.

When I met my husband, I did not know I would marry him or even end up in a relationship with him. There was no way for me to know. I appreciated him from an aesthetic point of view, but I never once thought, "He is sexy. I want him right now." The attraction came months later, and it was not something I recognised. It was just like, "This is something unfamiliar, but I like it." An actual relationship did not blossom until almost a year later.

I have never been able to definitively say, "XYZ is attractive," because that would be a one-size fits all thing. That is not the case. With Mr. Handprints, his confidence, intelligence, personality, etc. are attractive to me. At the same token, I could be in a room with Mr. GQ who possesses a magnetic personality, confidence out of this world, and an IQ to rival Einstein's, but my interest in him would be nonexistent.

Who knows what happened with the OP's ex? It could very well be like you described. The only one who has the answer to that is the ex. It could be that she was just bi-curious but realised an actual relationship is not what she desired. I am not sure if the OP asked how she came to the conclusion, but it might lessen the anger, if she could ask some questions.

OP, there are people who play with emotions like it is a 9-5, but your ex's intentions may not stem from a place of wanting to intentionally hurt you. She may not have had any interest in stringing you along. Circumstances change. I know you are hurting and angry, but if you are up to it, I would say talk to her.
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  #58  
Old 03-19-2014, 09:34 PM
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Originally Posted by ate2007 View Post
She just told me like 2 weeks ago she wanted us to be long term. The night before yesterday she misses me - and then yesterday- she's not into me sexually. I'm confused and angry as shit. You just wasted four months of my life -- for what?
I know you wanted a romantic/sexual partner, but is gaining a friend really a waste of your life? That seems a bit harsh to me.
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  #59  
Old 03-19-2014, 10:11 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
I don't. I don't have a strong sex drive and my sexual attraction isn't based on visual stimulation. It takes me a while to become attracted to someone, and I can't predict at first whether I eventually will or not.
Well, I probably overstated. I didn't quite mean it like, I see them, they are handsome, boom, I'm ready to go fuck.

Hm, I guess I am thinking of people from my late teens, and then people from OKC now...in the former case, they'd be friends of friends, or classmates or chosen from a general pack of like minded people. So, I know we have some basis for shared interests. On OKC, I do spend hours talking to people online before meeting them. I am thinking of when I first met miss pixi and Ginger tho... It was pretty much, higly interested from their words, and, once I saw them in the flesh, boom! Wow. Yes, this is a person I want to be intimate with. Share space, share air, food, drink with them, and touch their bodies pretty darn soon.
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