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  #361  
Old 05-24-2014, 08:14 AM
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MisterT MisterT is offline
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ClockworkDragon: It's interesting you say OKC has been productive for your husband. Does he just send a lot of messages and play the numbers game? Does he only send messages to people who are poly?

I wonder if it's partly a US vs UK thing. I live near one of the biggest cities in the UK, but there just isn't a big poly scene it seems. There doesn't seem to be very many poly or non-mono people on OKC who live nearby.

I've played with my profile quite a bit, and I think my photos are pretty good ... the profile picture I'm using here is an example. In terms of the written profile, opinions vary it seems. Some people say you should write lots to get something that clicks with someone. Others say keep it short and fairly mysterious. Person A tells me to put something in, Person B tells me to take it out ...

I will definitely try exploring some of the fet, geek and pagan scenes ... those are good tips
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  #362  
Old 05-24-2014, 05:30 PM
Tomcat27 Tomcat27 is offline
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OKC can be really frustrating for me, especially since I feel like I can't really describe myself in an online profile. My Partner gets all sorts of messages, and she is constantly on her phone sifting through the messages.

She told me that she has met some great men on the site, and I kind of want to see their profiles to see what works. For her it's more of an interest thing, and she dates people who can teach her new things regarding her specific interests.

I too have noticed that OKC might not be the best way to meet women. I've been on a few dates, and some of them have been misleading regarding their physical features or personalities. It has been discouraging, but now I consider to be a type of entertainment than anything. If something comes out of it great, if not, it's something to do.

The funny thing is that my partner has just as hard of a time connecting with other females on OKC than I do (she is pan sexual). Online dating gives people the opportunity to be choosey, and perhaps women are just more selective than men (just an observations and I know it's a generalization which is not fact).

I've also used the site to address and confront issues of rejection. It's alright, there are people out there that would love to be with me, and I also feel if most of the women that I have contacted gave me a chance, they would dig who I am. Their loss really.
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  #363  
Old 05-25-2014, 12:39 AM
ClockworkDragon ClockworkDragon is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MisterT View Post
ClockworkDragon: It's interesting you say OKC has been productive for your husband. Does he just send a lot of messages and play the numbers game? Does he only send messages to people who are poly?
He's targeted towards poly people anyway by questions, but he's talked to many non-poly people, with varying degrees of success. Honestly, it IS a numbers game... dating just is, anyway!

The woman he met thursday is poly... her husband came home while they were together, and while it kinda killed the mood, they hung out and talked a good bit after.

Quote:
I wonder if it's partly a US vs UK thing. I live near one of the biggest cities in the UK, but there just isn't a big poly scene it seems. There doesn't seem to be very many poly or non-mono people on OKC who live nearby.
It's very regional. There's a larger poly community where I am than I expected it, but there are vastly more north, in Atlanta.
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  #364  
Old 05-25-2014, 12:45 AM
ClockworkDragon ClockworkDragon is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tomcat27 View Post
OKC can be really frustrating for me, especially since I feel like I can't really describe myself in an online profile. My Partner gets all sorts of messages, and she is constantly on her phone sifting through the messages.

She told me that she has met some great men on the site, and I kind of want to see their profiles to see what works. For her it's more of an interest thing, and she dates people who can teach her new things regarding her specific interests.
That is also likely male vs female; by default, women will get more responses from men. All I have to do is switch my preferences from "bisexual women only" to "everybody" and I'm swamped with men.

Quote:
I too have noticed that OKC might not be the best way to meet women. I've been on a few dates, and some of them have been misleading regarding their physical features or personalities. It has been discouraging, but now I consider to be a type of entertainment than anything. If something comes out of it great, if not, it's something to do.
That happened with the first girl my husband dated. She made no mention of her BDSM tendencies (which are extreme, and she's looking for a master), and she'd gained about 50 lbs since her photos were posted. I never understood that. Why on earth would you want people to be that startled-- negatively? Some folks have mentioned they have a hard time getting people to meet... they just want to talk.

The funny thing is that my partner has just as hard of a time connecting with other females on OKC than I do (she is pan sexual). Online dating gives people the opportunity to be choosey, and perhaps women are just more selective than men (just an observations and I know it's a generalization which is not fact).

I've also used the site to address and confront issues of rejection. It's alright, there are people out there that would love to be with me, and I also feel if most of the women that I have contacted gave me a chance, they would dig who I am. Their loss really.[/QUOTE]
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  #365  
Old 05-25-2014, 10:31 PM
Sanantha09 Sanantha09 is offline
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Default How to find people to date while in an open marriage

My husband and I are new to the open marriage scene. We agreed a few months ago that we wanted to keep our relationship as our primary focus but have occasional sexual escapades outside of our marriage, with each other's knowledge and restrict it to once with any one person. So far it is working for us! Our own relationship is stronger and we are even having better axe with each other.

My question is....what is the best way to meet other individuals interested in unattached sex? Online sites have been frustrating for my husband since you gave to weed through scams and there seem to be less women into that then men. Bars gave been successful for me but I hate wasting my precious little time outside of my work and my family, sitting and waiting at a bar for a suitable man. Then I haven't figured out how to explain the open marriage thing. I hate bring dishonest about it.

Help, what would be the most effective for us?
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  #366  
Old 05-25-2014, 11:27 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sanantha09 View Post
Help, what would be the most effective for us?
Look for swinger groups in your area.
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  #367  
Old 05-25-2014, 11:33 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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I have no problems with others who practice nsa sex. More power to you not my cup of tea.

But this site is about Polyamory. People who either have, had, or want multiple emotional relationships with others. Or are involved with a partner who has more than one partner.

This question is best asked on a swingers site.
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In a V relationship with an average 50/50 split of time between my two husbands.
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  #368  
Old 05-26-2014, 01:20 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sanantha09 View Post
My husband and I are new to the open marriage scene.
"Open marriage scene?" What a funny way of putting it. Although, technically, many married polyamorists have open marriages, if there is some kind of "scene," it would more likely be among swingers, not polyfolk.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sanantha09 View Post
We agreed a few months ago that we wanted to keep our relationship as our primary focus but have occasional sexual escapades outside of our marriage, with each other's knowledge and restrict it to once with any one person. So far it is working for us!
So, you limit all your extramarital sex to one-night stands? I know you say that it is working well for you, but I can't help but feel sad for you when I read that. Basically, if you meet someone fantastic and hit it off, personality- and lifestyle-wise as well as sexually, you have to say "no" to ever seeing/being with them again. And how do you protect yourself against STDs when everyone you fuck is an unknown quantity? Do you request current copies of their tests? Use gloves and other barriers?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sanantha09 View Post
My question is....what is the best way to meet other individuals interested in unattached sex?
I really don't know what would've prompted you to ask this question at a forum dedicated to polyamory and supporting polyamorists. Although there are plenty of poly peeps who swing and/or have casual NSA sex, and you might get some useful replies, by and large polyamory is NOT focused on sex (esp. NSA with strangers) and is about cultivating multiple loving relationships - where the idea is not to avoid romance or attachment, but to seek it out and move in that sort of direction. Maybe you didn't realize this?? So, you may have more luck and more useful suggestions at swinger sites or Fetlife. Also try Craigslist or Meetups (at Meetup.com) focused on threesomes and casual sex. Good luck.
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"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 05-26-2014 at 01:26 AM.
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  #369  
Old 07-11-2014, 07:43 PM
Belladonna Belladonna is offline
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Default Finding like minded people

Hi everyone

Little update before I ask my question:

M and I are still trying to find how to make friendship/roommates work.
I'm still very unsure on it but I think it will be workable one way or the other. (He wants the don't ask don't tell) ok fine by me.

My other "friend" are completely over. Leaving it at friends but I know that means "hey catch you in the future"

So anyway. All my friends are mono. I am not a dater. I'm more of a friends first kinda gal. How do you all meet people?
I'm not super social. I would rather meet people who are poly then to hid or find out later that they are mono and thinks go south.

I guess it's more what do you say to people? Tips on meeting people? And how to just find friends that are poly.

Thanks
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  #370  
Old 07-11-2014, 07:51 PM
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MusicalRose MusicalRose is offline
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The best luck in our area is to meet up with the local community. They have a group on Facebook, Meetup, and Yahoo and are starting their own nonprofit. I know not all areas have such a strong community presence, but a Google search might help you out.

If there is nothing in your area, there are poly conferences at different places around the country at different times where you could at least spend a weekend around like-minded people and maybe run into someone relatively close to you.
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