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  #51  
Old 05-29-2014, 04:30 PM
icesong icesong is offline
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@LoveBunny: I really like your definitions, TheKnight and I spent some time talking about them last night in the "trying to figure out what we wanted out of future relationships" sense, since things are very much in flux with our lives right now.
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  #52  
Old 05-29-2014, 08:08 PM
LoveBunny LoveBunny is offline
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Thanks, @Icesong! Glad it helped.
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  #53  
Old 06-03-2014, 10:15 PM
GreenMom GreenMom is offline
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Lately I've had to do a lot of thinking and discussion with partners about labels and semantics. I've decided I really, really dislike them. But I guess I can see how they are necessary.

I have two fwb's. Both are very different relationships. One is a man I was in a relationship with for 9 months who decided he wasn't comfortable labeling what we had as a secondary relationship anymore. The other is a man that I see maybe once a month, we hang out a bit as friends and sleep together. They are very different dynamics but I have to use the same label since I'm not "dating" either of them. Confusing and frustrating to me! I wish I could throw out labels altogether.
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  #54  
Old 06-03-2014, 10:51 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Ah, but every word (in every language) is a label of sorts -- a symbol of something. And, language tends to be squishy and organic. A particular word can mean various things depending on point of view and context. It's kind of a pain to sort that out, but, languages (words) do also perform amazing services for us in the way of making (much more) communication possible. We put up with the misunderstandings that can crop up for the sake of the understandings that can evolve in the end.

Poly/non-monogamous jargon is especially hard to pin down. There's a lot of disagreement about what this or that word means (as well as when and why). Labels can serve as convenient shortcuts, but they must be used wisely and appropriately, at times when they will clarify rather than add a layer of mystery (sometimes even contention) to what we're saying.

It's interesting to hear an example of how wide a range of possible meanings there can be for "friends with benefits." Things that make you go hmmm ...
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  #55  
Old 06-04-2014, 11:28 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Last night, I was talking with a man I'd just met and things got flirty. Eventually, we acknowledged our attraction to each other and I told him I want "a lover, not a boyfriend." I then asked him if he knew what the difference is, and he said no. We wound up having a good conversation about relationships and expectations. So, the labels did serve as a starting point toward understanding each other.
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  #56  
Old 06-04-2014, 06:07 PM
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Right; labels do serve their purpose (in the right setting).
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