Sex positive/sex negative

Sorry River

Well, I don't subscribe to the theory or doctrine that all ways of relating are equally good, valid, healthy, etc.

And since apparently I'm now a bad guy because of it, with Mono apparently calling me arrogant because of it, I think I'll just take an extended break from this polyamory.com . It isn't feeling good for me just now.

Sorry you took my comment in a negative way, River. I actually mirror your values around sex in a lot of ways. There was sincerity in my respect for you.
I apologize for the manner I expressed that.

Take care
Mono
 
Okay. All is good.
 
Well, I don't subscribe to the theory or doctrine that all ways of relating are equally good, valid, healthy, etc.

And since apparently I'm now a bad guy because of it, with Mono apparently calling me arrogant because of it, I think I'll just take an extended break from this polyamory.com . It isn't feeling good for me just now.

I don't subscribe to that doctrine either. I'm not sure where you think I said that. However, it definitely warrants discussion what differences people see as healthy or unhealthy and where our values intersect with that.

I also don't think you're adequately recognizing that I was addressing some pretty negative stuff you were putting out there that could be construed as hurtful to others. That doesn't make you the bad guy, it just makes it something worth addressing and discussing.
 
Right now, I'm studying a sexuality education curriculum that touches on a lot of things that feel relevant to me in this topic. I'm just loving some of the ways things are put. The very beginning of the course talks about what assumptions the program is specifically built on. In this case, the word assumption addresses core things that people may feel differently about being right or wrong, but for the purposes of this program, they are assumed to be right. They are:

  • All persons are sexual.
  • Sexuality is a good part of the human experience.
  • Sexuality includes much more than sexual behavior.
  • Human beings are sexual from the time they are born until they die.
  • It is natural to express sexual feelings in a variety of ways
  • People engage in healthy sexual behavior for a vriety of reasons including to express caring and love, to experience intimacy and connection with another, to share pleasure, to bring new life into the world and to experience fun and relaxation.
  • Sexuality in our society is damaged by violence, exploitation, alienation, dishonesty, abuse of power, ,and the treatment of persons as objects.
  • It is healthier for young adolescents to postpone sexual intercourse.

It also talks about healthy sexual relationships within the core value of sexual health (health including emotional, spiritual, and physical)

Healthy sexual relationships are:
  • consensual- both people consent
  • nonexploitative- equal in terms of power, neither person is pressuring or forcing the other into activities or behaviors
  • mutually pleasurable- both receive pleasure
  • safe- no or low risk of unintended pregnancy, sexually transmitted infections, and emotional pain
  • developmentally appropriate-appropriate to the age and maturity of the persons involved
  • based on mutual expectations and caring
  • respectful- including the values of honesty and keeping commitments made to others

Just some more food for thought.
 
Ceoli, some great stuff there, for sure. I would take issue with the "all humans are sexual", because I have known a few people who have said that they are asexual and wish to be respected for that and not be thought of as some sort of aberration. Other than that it seems like a really great start.

Again, let me make sure I am understanding what you are saying - "sex-positive" means anything that encourages healthy sexual relationships, yes? Or is there more to it? Just want to make the link.
 
Ceoli, some great stuff there, for sure. I would take issue with the "all humans are sexual", because I have known a few people who have said that they are asexual and wish to be respected for that and not be thought of as some sort of aberration. Other than that it seems like a really great start.

Actually, we do cover asexuality in this curriculum. One of the foundations of the program has to do with the definition of sexuality. This program uses a model called "The Circles of Sexuality". It describes interlinked circles and in each circle is an aspect of human sexuality as defined like this:

Sensuality- Awareness, acceptance of, and comfort with one's own body; physiological and psychological enjoyment of ones own body and the bodies of others. This includes but is not limited to:
  • Body image
  • Human sexual response cycle
  • Skin hunger
  • Fantasy
Intimacy- The ability and need to experience emotional closeness to another human being and have it returned. This includes but is not limited to:
  • Caring
  • Sharing
  • Loving/Liking
  • Risk taking
  • Vulnerability
  • Self-disclosure
  • Trust
Sexual Identity-The devlopment of a sense of who one is sexually, including a sense of maleness or femaleness. Including but not limited to:
  • Gender identity
  • Gender role
  • Sexual orientation
  • Biological sex
Sexual Health and Reproduction- Attitudes and behaviors related to producing children, care and maintenance of the sex and reproductive organs and health consequences of sexual behavior. Including but not limited to:
  • Factual information
  • Feelings and attitudes
  • Sexual/reproductive systems
  • Physiology an anatomy of reproductive organs
  • Intercourse
Sexualization- The use of sexuality to influence, control or manipulate others. Including but not limited to:
  • Rape
  • Incest
  • Sexual Harassment
  • Withholding sex
  • Seduction/flirting

While most asexuals acknowledge that they do not experience a need or desire to sexually relate to others (some do masturbate, others don't have any sexual drive) they do say that the circles of sexuality still apply to them as they are laid out in this program. Since other aspects of sexuality apply to asexuals, it still holds that all human beings are sexual. It just may manifest in different ways for some than for others.

Again, let me make sure I am understanding what you are saying - "sex-positive" means anything that encourages healthy sexual relationships, yes? Or is there more to it? Just want to make the link.

That sounds about right, though I would add to it an intentional awareness of the dynamic of how values can sometimes impose on a definition of healthy and how to separate that out. (in other words, many times what is defined as healthy is defined by ones values rather than what might be still construed healthy in a more objective context)
 
Wow what a great course Ceoli. I would love to take that myself! Thanks for sharing it with us.

Wouldn't you know it I'm going to two courses as well. One is a communication course that my company is paying for and the other a course on sexual concent. Strange isn't it how much talk has been going around on similar topics and I get the word I will be going to such courses. Life is strange. The communication one is in March and the sex one today. We shall see what comes out of it. I love courses on this kind of thing. So excited!
 
Ceoli, I want to thank you for sharing this. I love this way this is broken down into its components. Very useful to think more about!
 
That curriculum is intriguing! And RP, I'm curious about your two courses. Especially the communication one.
 
That curriculum is intriguing! And RP, I'm curious about your two courses. Especially the communication one.

I will be sure to talk about both. Todays I am still digesting. It was intense in some ways and kind of the same old in others... If there is something I feel comfortable sharing, I most certainly will.
 
Sex-positive?

I've heard terms such as sex-positive (and even sex-negative) used on the boards lately. I gather there is a sex-positive movement?

Would those with greater understanding than myself please comment on what the terms mean, and what the underlying purpose of the message is?
 
I gather there is a sex-positive movement?

It's sort of like the "polyamorous lifestyle". Except it's when people nod their heads "yes" (up-and-down, not side-to-side) while copulating.

Hope that answers your question(s). Good night :)
 
Sex-positive movement article at Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex-positive_movement

Somehow I doubt that there is a love-positive movement, but perhaps there aughta be. More people, I'm guessing, suffer from insuficient loving than from insufficient sexing.
 
I found a clear and simply written article about it on About.com, which seems to have improved in recent years (in terms of quality of its content and being updated more regularly).

The URL for it is here: http://sexuality.about.com/od/sexualhealthqanda/f/sex_positive.htm and the Glickman article mentioned below, "The Language of Sex Positivity," can be found here: http://www.ejhs.org/volume3/sexpositive.htm:

What Does Sex Positive Mean?
By Cory Silverberg, About.com Guide
Updated June 21, 2010

About.com Health's Disease and Condition content is reviewed by the Medical Review Board

Question:
What Does Sex Positive Mean?

Answer:
The term sex positive has been in use in academic and research writing since at least the mid-1950s (probably much earlier, I've read that Wilhelm Reich was credited with first using the term). In these early references, sex positive was most often used as a synonym for erotophilia. In contemporary usage, the definition of sex positive continues to develop, and no one has made much of an effort to argue for a unified vision of sex positivity.

The term sex positive began to be used with greater frequency during the feminist “sex wars” of the 80s and 90s. At that time it was often used to define oneself in opposition to the anti-pornography feminists. Sex positive was used interchangeably with the term “pro-sex” and it began to include the idea that that sexual expression could be transgressive, that people can attain sexual freedom through the performance of sexual acts and sexual ways of being.

Dr Carol Queen, an author and activist who has long been associated with the term sex positive, and whose 1997 collection Real Live Nude Girl, was the first mainstream book to use the term sex positive in its title, defines sex positivity this way:

“Sex-positive, a term that's coming into cultural awareness, isn't a dippy love-child celebration of orgone – it's a simple yet radical affirmation that we each grow our own passions on a different medium, that instead of having two or three or even half a dozen sexual orientations, we should be thinking in terms of millions. "Sex-positive" respects each of our unique sexual profiles, even as we acknowledge that some of us have been damaged by a culture that tries to eradicate sexual difference and possibility. Even so, we grow like weeds.”​

In an essay entitled “The Language of Sex Positivity” Charlie Glickman, who worked at a popular sex positive sex toy store, proposed that sex positivity involves “working towards a more positive relationship with sex.” He pointed out that most of us are raised in a way that makes us fearful and ignorant of sex, and as such, being sex positive means working through these prejudices, much as one would work toward an awareness of racism, disability-phobia, or other forms of systemic prejudice that influences our judgments and our actions.

In an article for Planned Parenthood on providing sex positive sex education, Lisa Tobin writes that being sex positive includes:

  • Having a comprehensive definition of sexuality
  • Viewing sexual health as a basic human right
  • Focusing on the life-enhancing aspects of sexuality as well as attention to the negative aspects
  • Being non-judgmental and challenging narrow social constructs
  • Using inclusive language rather than value-laden language which makes assumptions based on sexual orientation or gender stereotypes
  • Assisting individuals to be aware of the choices involved in sexual decisions
The sex educator’s definition of sex positive usually invokes less of the transgressive politics, and focuses more on the positive psychological and physical impact of sexual expression.

While the term sex positive is still used in activist and academic writing, as well as in sexual health and sexology, these days it can most often be found in marketing materials for a wide range of for profit businesses that make money off selling sex in one form or another to the public. In this usage, it has become a short hand for sexual normalization. Thus a “sex positive author” is someone who will make you feel okay about whatever it is they tell you how to do in their book, and a “sex positive sex toy store” will make you feel good about whatever they sell you).

Whether sex positivity will lose its meaning in the face of so much marketing remains to be seen. But as long as there are other organizations (or, say, governments) whose agenda includes restricting sexual rights and expression, the idea of sex positivity remains an important one for all of us to hold on to.

References:

Glick, E. “Sex Positive: Feminism, Queer Theory, and the Politics of Transgression.” Feminist Review Volume 64, Number 1 (April 1, 2000): 19-45.

Glickman, C. “The Language of Sex Positivity.” Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality Volume 3 (July 6, 2000).

Lundy, R.M. “Self Perceptions and Descriptions of Opposite Sex Sociometric Choices.” Sociometry Volume 19. (1956): 272-277.

Queen, C. “Real Live Nude Girl: Chronicles of Sex-Positive Culture.” Pittsburgh: Cleis Press, 1997.

Tobin, L. “From Being Sex Positive: Promoting Young People's Sexual Health.” Health Promotion Atlantic Volume 3, Number 3 (September 1997).​
 
Last edited:
Back
Top