MsEmotional
Member
So I have a question...
In articles about what polyamory is and is not, I often come across the "myth" that polyamorists are afraid of commitment. The argument used to counter this myth is usually something to the effect of, "Someone who is afraid of commitment can't commit to one person, let alone two!"
This argument doesn't make a ton of sense to me.
First of all, humans have limited time, energy, resources. Commitment is the focused dedication of time, energy, and resources to someone or something. Someone who is afraid of commitment is afraid to put all their time, energy, and resources into one person. Being willing to divide your time, energy, and resources between two people seems like a perfectly logical thing for a person who is afraid of commitment to do -- they get to divide their emotional/physical resources between people so and avoid being tied to just one person. So the argument that someone who is afraid of commitment "couldn't" commit to two (or more) people, doesn't make sense to me.
Second, people are also afraid of commitment because they worry that they will always second-guess the decision -- what if later on they meet their soul mate, but they are already married? Polyamory is a great solution for these people too -- you don't have to "choose" between relationships (at least not unless there are factors about your relationships that make them incompatible with each other). If, 5 years down the road, you meet your soul mate (or someone you think is your soul mate), you can explore a relationship with that person without abandoning your other partner(s).
Third, people are afraid of commitment because they fear co-dependency. They don't want to get to a point in their lives where they can't function without their "better half." Well, polyamorists certainly can have co-dependency issues as well, but the nature of polyamory somewhat forces individuals to explore life outside of each other.
So I guess I am confused -- isn't polyamory a great lifestyle option for people who are afraid of commitment? Why claim that someone who is polyamorous couldn't possibly be afraid of commitment?
In articles about what polyamory is and is not, I often come across the "myth" that polyamorists are afraid of commitment. The argument used to counter this myth is usually something to the effect of, "Someone who is afraid of commitment can't commit to one person, let alone two!"
This argument doesn't make a ton of sense to me.
First of all, humans have limited time, energy, resources. Commitment is the focused dedication of time, energy, and resources to someone or something. Someone who is afraid of commitment is afraid to put all their time, energy, and resources into one person. Being willing to divide your time, energy, and resources between two people seems like a perfectly logical thing for a person who is afraid of commitment to do -- they get to divide their emotional/physical resources between people so and avoid being tied to just one person. So the argument that someone who is afraid of commitment "couldn't" commit to two (or more) people, doesn't make sense to me.
Second, people are also afraid of commitment because they worry that they will always second-guess the decision -- what if later on they meet their soul mate, but they are already married? Polyamory is a great solution for these people too -- you don't have to "choose" between relationships (at least not unless there are factors about your relationships that make them incompatible with each other). If, 5 years down the road, you meet your soul mate (or someone you think is your soul mate), you can explore a relationship with that person without abandoning your other partner(s).
Third, people are afraid of commitment because they fear co-dependency. They don't want to get to a point in their lives where they can't function without their "better half." Well, polyamorists certainly can have co-dependency issues as well, but the nature of polyamory somewhat forces individuals to explore life outside of each other.
So I guess I am confused -- isn't polyamory a great lifestyle option for people who are afraid of commitment? Why claim that someone who is polyamorous couldn't possibly be afraid of commitment?