Greetings. I have been reading this forum for many weeks now, and I am very grateful for this community. The life stories and honest communication throughout have helped me immensely to understand the journey I am on personally and with my wife, Mariposa923.
Before writing about where I am at, I'd like to specifically thank MonoVCPHG, RedPepper, and Jenny Block. Your stories have been inspirational. I learn well from case studies, and yours have been directly helpful in figuring out being open.
In the most important aspects of my life, things aren't just going well. I feel reborn. I feel happier than I have ever been, dramatically closer to Mariposa, and deeply at peace with my life and the world around me. I was reminded multiple times of the quote from Interview with a Vampire, “I was a newborn vampire, weeping at the beauty of the night.” I picked Aneo as my handle because of the Matrix. I feel like “A Neo”. That is not The One, but A One. It's all spiritual. Along our journey to poly, I have had the spiritual awakening I have been looking for and wanting all of my life. Once I let go of jealousy and control so Mariposa and I could have renewed freedom, I also finally let go of my expectations and demands for how my life SHOULD go.
Stepping back, I lost my identity when I sold my company years ago. As a result, I felt I HAD to find a new answer to my life. Letting go was the answer. And Mariposa, thank you again so much for being my guide on letting go and spirituality, and for inspiring us to take this path to being open.
However, everything isn't 100% copacetic. Mariposa has her relationship growing with her long-distance love(r). I am completely in support of this, and I hope her trip goes fantastically. (I have worried about what happens if it goes too well and suddenly she has the challenge of such a long-distance relationship. However, she has clearly reached a good place on her expectations for this trip and relationship.) She also has one very close friend that now knows about how we are open. All of this has brought energy, clarity, and love to our relationship.
So one difficult emotion is envy. I think I can handle that. It comes up now and then, but it doesn't feel consuming. I am thrilled for her far more than I am envious.
The harder aspect is I am lonely. This runs pretty deep. We live in the mountains. My local male friends work; I am retired. They rarely care about the work they do, and then go out to play once work is done. They appear to be happy with their status quo. I have a hard time talking to many of them since I care about what I do and love making an impact. I like to play, but run out of interest when the conversation is consumed by sports and hobbies. We can talk about our kids, but that runs out as well.
I don't have a girlfriend, or even a date. The most interesting attraction ended quickly once I explained I was married and open. We have agreed not to be open in our home town. While we are already at the point of not caring what people think, we absolutely want to protect our kids. We don't believe the community can handle this, and we really worry about blowback on our children. Kids can be damn cruel to each other over such trivial crap. This would be like a field day for teasing and bullying. Some people in the community likely can handle it, may even support being open, but not most.
I am not sure how to approach dating. Home town is out. My hobbies are unfortunately often male dominated. Mariposa and I also met through my favorite hobby, so there are many links back to friends that might not be able to handle us being open.
And lastly when it comes to talking to a confidant, I am thinking through my closest friends and not coming up with options I feel will help me on my path. I expect either they can't handle it, or they don't have the relationship maturity themselves to engage. So what's the point? My list of closest friends runs short. And I don't expect to have truly meaningful conversations with acquaintances.
Nice to be here,
ANeo923
Before writing about where I am at, I'd like to specifically thank MonoVCPHG, RedPepper, and Jenny Block. Your stories have been inspirational. I learn well from case studies, and yours have been directly helpful in figuring out being open.
In the most important aspects of my life, things aren't just going well. I feel reborn. I feel happier than I have ever been, dramatically closer to Mariposa, and deeply at peace with my life and the world around me. I was reminded multiple times of the quote from Interview with a Vampire, “I was a newborn vampire, weeping at the beauty of the night.” I picked Aneo as my handle because of the Matrix. I feel like “A Neo”. That is not The One, but A One. It's all spiritual. Along our journey to poly, I have had the spiritual awakening I have been looking for and wanting all of my life. Once I let go of jealousy and control so Mariposa and I could have renewed freedom, I also finally let go of my expectations and demands for how my life SHOULD go.
Stepping back, I lost my identity when I sold my company years ago. As a result, I felt I HAD to find a new answer to my life. Letting go was the answer. And Mariposa, thank you again so much for being my guide on letting go and spirituality, and for inspiring us to take this path to being open.
However, everything isn't 100% copacetic. Mariposa has her relationship growing with her long-distance love(r). I am completely in support of this, and I hope her trip goes fantastically. (I have worried about what happens if it goes too well and suddenly she has the challenge of such a long-distance relationship. However, she has clearly reached a good place on her expectations for this trip and relationship.) She also has one very close friend that now knows about how we are open. All of this has brought energy, clarity, and love to our relationship.
So one difficult emotion is envy. I think I can handle that. It comes up now and then, but it doesn't feel consuming. I am thrilled for her far more than I am envious.
The harder aspect is I am lonely. This runs pretty deep. We live in the mountains. My local male friends work; I am retired. They rarely care about the work they do, and then go out to play once work is done. They appear to be happy with their status quo. I have a hard time talking to many of them since I care about what I do and love making an impact. I like to play, but run out of interest when the conversation is consumed by sports and hobbies. We can talk about our kids, but that runs out as well.
I don't have a girlfriend, or even a date. The most interesting attraction ended quickly once I explained I was married and open. We have agreed not to be open in our home town. While we are already at the point of not caring what people think, we absolutely want to protect our kids. We don't believe the community can handle this, and we really worry about blowback on our children. Kids can be damn cruel to each other over such trivial crap. This would be like a field day for teasing and bullying. Some people in the community likely can handle it, may even support being open, but not most.
I am not sure how to approach dating. Home town is out. My hobbies are unfortunately often male dominated. Mariposa and I also met through my favorite hobby, so there are many links back to friends that might not be able to handle us being open.
And lastly when it comes to talking to a confidant, I am thinking through my closest friends and not coming up with options I feel will help me on my path. I expect either they can't handle it, or they don't have the relationship maturity themselves to engage. So what's the point? My list of closest friends runs short. And I don't expect to have truly meaningful conversations with acquaintances.
Nice to be here,
ANeo923