I feel like if I step back and just quieten my mind and find inner peace then there would be nothing left of our connection because nothing would happen to cultivate it..... How much effort and initiative is required to sustain a connection Vs how much acceptance?
GalaGirl posted great responses and to them I'll add that your reservations are often what hinder people from taking their focus off of the partner. What if I step back and the relationship fizzles? How can a relationship survive if I stop putting effort into it?
We are all taught that "good relationships take a lot of work," but actually putting effort into fixing others or fixing problems is not what creates a truly loving and fulfilling connection. What creates a loving and sustainable connection is the "work" of finding aspects to appreciate. The reason it's helpful to lessen focus right now on "cultivating a connection" is because usually what you're directing your attention to are all of the perceived shortcomings and problems. Whatever you put your attention to is what grows, so if you're taking initiative in order to fix what you determine to be wrong, you'll get more of the same. If you're taking initiative out of joyful appreciation of your partner, you'll get more of what you're enjoying and appreciating.
I know that it sounds counterintuitive that the way to make a relationship better is to take your efforts away from trying to
make a relationship better, but try it and see for yourself. If you take your gaze off of fixing problems and other people and instead direct it toward appreciating teeny tiny aspects of your situation, you'll see remarkable changes for the better. Often it's challenging to do this with others, so directing your appreciation inward works just as well. Be mindful that you're not getting caught up in resentment, fear and guilt along the way. It's OK (and perfectly human) if you are, just be aware that acceptance and appreciation are what you're going for.
Everyone blossoms in the sunlight of acceptance and appreciation. Your partner will, too.
Simplistic explanation and I know, easier said than done, but it's a practice. It's a skill, really, to re-learn how to focus on acceptance and love, but we all can get much better at it. There is no diploma in "blissful living" and nobody is going get to any mountain top and stay there. It's a daily practice, like playing the violin. You can start by not knowing one thing about it and with a little guidance and a lot of practice, you and your life get better and better and better.