Sexual healers and Slutdom

I'm an apple slut...I'll fucking eat any kind of apple at anytime of the day or night...I love those things! Judge me.
 
I think this is universal across all gender preferences. It's only because of the limited participants in this little thread that it might look to have hetro connection. Altruism is gender neutral :)

I've seen slut thrown at women/girls who didn't actually sleep with lots of people but were open that they had sex, and expressed that they liked sex. Yes, it is more common to be used about women or girls who have many partners. But if one has many partners, it is assumed by outsiders that one likes and enjoys sex, even if that is not actually true (I'm thinking of many sexual abuse survivors who may have many partners but sometimes don't like sex - they have sex to get other needs met). So I think that the 'enjoys sex' is still critical to understanding.

Altruism is universal but it is expressed in gendered ways. I think having sex for healing reasons is gendered. In our little, very unscientific survey, no men have come forward with situations where they fucked someone to make the other person feel better about themselves. I would be fascinated to read those stories!

I think it is much more common for women to feel this pull to help, to heal. In fact, I feel a bit abnormal in that I don't have this pull. (I'm truly ok with this but it is not the norm for how female type people are 'supposed' to be.) I believe it is connected with women's stereotypical greater empathy. Of course, men can be very empathetic - I am not saying at all that men are not empathetic. But it is seen as a woman's thing - to grok emotions - and men who are empathetic are not particularly rewarded for their skill. In fact, they are sometimes seen as unmanly.

Magdlyn's sacred whores were female (not mentioned in this thread but elsewhere). I'm not surprised that this dynamic happens in same sex, queer, transgendered relationships, including friendships but there seems to be a strong maternal thread here. I'm not seeing a similar paternal thread yet. I'm not saying it doesn't exist but it is suggestive that the 'distaff' side of things hasn't emerged here yet.

Interesting thread!
 
Magdlyn's sacred whores were female (not mentioned in this thread but elsewhere). I'm not surprised that this dynamic happens in same sex, queer, transgendered relationships, including friendships but there seems to be a strong maternal thread here. I'm not seeing a similar paternal thread yet. I'm not saying it doesn't exist but it is suggestive that the 'distaff' side of things hasn't emerged here yet.

Interesting thread!

Au contraire! There were male sex workers in the temples and on the hillsides as well. In Hebrew, qudesha is the female plural, and qudeshim is the male plural. I mentioned on the "when sex was sacred" thread there were "holy ones" of both genders.

In Greek culture when male gods were taking over the power from female goddesses, one of the first things to happen were that males began to control the priesthood of the female goddess worship. To do this, at first the males who wanted to be priests needed to present as female, to wear women's clothing, makeup, hairstyles, etc. Many also castrated themselves. There are stories of how a man would castrate himself and run down the street with his bloody testicles in hand. Whichever house he threw them into, the people that lived there would need to give him a dress, which he would wear for his temple duties.
 
Ah they were probably drunk and stoned on who knows what substances at the time, and also in a state of ecstasy from the music and dancing and all that orgy stuff.
 
Actually, women did have sex with castrated males. The penis could still function, at least for a while, despite loss of testicles. But of course, women couldnt conceive from that intercourse, which was the important issue in the patriarchy.
 
Actually, women did have sex with castrated males. The penis could still function, at least for a while, despite loss of testicles. But of course, women couldnt conceive from that intercourse, which was the important issue in the patriarchy.

Learn something new every day! :D
 
In Greek culture when male gods were taking over the power from female goddesses, one of the first things to happen were that males began to control the priesthood of the female goddess worship. To do this, at first the males who wanted to be priests needed to present as female, to wear women's clothing, makeup, hairstyles, etc. Many also castrated themselves. There are stories of how a man would castrate himself and run down the street with his bloody testicles in hand. Whichever house he threw them into, the people that lived there would need to give him a dress, which he would wear for his temple duties.

I'm so glad right now to be female and in North America in the 21st century!
 
(I'm thinking of many sexual abuse survivors who may have many partners but sometimes don't like sex - they have sex to get other needs met)


I was one of these people. I'm a young gay male (25) who's out and during my university (college for the US peeps) years I slept around big time. I got myself a real reputation. I wasn't altogether too proud of it as it was near enough to actually try to get a date.

Thankfully uni was away form home so I had the luxury of moving back home to escape my "label". I have since moved back to the very city my uni was in and the label has not stuck.

A few friends have questioned my "skill" (as one person put it) and I explained the whole dark scenario to them. Each time I had sex (usually with a stranger) not only would I make it known but id also heal a little form the encounter...

Consider the fact that I was using sex to overcome the abuse i faced at the age of 10 - the pleasure I got from sex was my way of telling myself that I was not letting the abuse win!

I did come to realise however that this was a coping mechanism and was unfortunately not sustainable. I have managed to have long term relationships since, which have more than satisfied the healing process.

Within the UK the young gay scene is usually seen as sluty - to the point its almost expected - the majority of the gay dating websites in the UK are aimed at the one off chance meetings to enable people to get their rocks off.

That all being said, I knew the healing power sex had for me (even taking into account the risks I was putting myself under) but I never considered any healing power it had for the other person....

Interesting thing to consider that someone else got some good from the good they were giving me.
 
I was one of these people. I'm a young gay male (25) who's out and during my university (college for the US peeps) years I slept around big time. ...Each time I had sex (usually with a stranger) not only would I make it known but id also heal a little form the encounter...

Consider the fact that I was using sex to overcome the abuse i faced at the age of 10 - the pleasure I got from sex was my way of telling myself that I was not letting the abuse win!

Interesting your former "slutdom" had the opposite effect on you that RedPepper's did. For you, it was healing, for her, it just made her feel she was doing it for them, and hurting herself in the process.
 
For you, it was healing, for her, it just made her feel she was doing it for them, and hurting herself in the process.

I think as the theme seems to be going - you take from sex what you need to get out from it.

I have to be honest and true to myself though, As i was using sex as a coping mechanism (and not overcoming the issues that the abuse created) I did myself a lot of mental, emotional and very nearly physical damage.

However, as the old saying goes "Whatever gets you through the night"
 
I carefully considered responding to this post, and the topic of "Slutdom" IMHO, Slutdom is not a term exclusive to women.

Consider the following situation: The male partner in a sexual act continuing derives pleasure from his ability to bring his partner to orgasm, but refuses to allow the woman the satisfaction of doing the same for the man.

I'm not suggesting the male does not ejaculate, which is completely different from a male orgasm. Now if that man goes from partner to partner, regardless of gender, and continues the same behavior, that man is a slut!

He's a slut not because he sleeps with multiple women, his a slut because he won't give over control to the experience.

Now there are those on tis forum for whom a Fuck is a Fuck, nothing more or less, IMHO, I'm not completely sure if that is in the spirit of polyamory.

To me polyamory is loving with ones whole heart first, and sex is an bonding of those emotions and feelings with another person. In other words I can love but I don't need to have sex wth everyone I love to express those feelings.

Now I'll admit I'm new to polyamory, and it has taken me many painful, hurtful years to try to understand myself, but the term slut should not describe someones partnering practices, it really describes their limits of their sincerity to loving another.
 
I'm not suggesting the male does not ejaculate, which is completely different from a male orgasm.

Thanks for saying this. I don't think this is common knowledge out there.

I am fascinated by this aspect you pointed out. I didn't have an orgasm in my life until I was 30. It was the first time I let go, because the man seemed to be enjoying it so immensely, himself! He was the only one I could do that with (then I discovered vibrators, ha).

I never believed Sundance enjoyed giving oral sex much, even though he SAID he did (but, well, I'm finding out he's said a lot of things that aren't true).

With Butch, I had a serious hang up in the way! It was nothing to do with him, or us, it was me. In my head, the sex was for HIM. The relationship was for HIM. For his needs, for his healing, I absolutely melted into him and disappeared. I would never let myself go completely. The only pleasure in it all was in the giving.

Strangely enough, it worked. I got back like I've never gotten, in my whole life. I had WHOLE BODY orgasms. I read about Tantric later and found out, that's exactly what was happening. I was healing him, whole-heartedly, and I got healed right back. He gave equally. I could not outgive this man. He also let go of the power trip of trying to "get me off" -- what was going on between us was so much deeper, so much more profound. The French call the orgasm the "little death" -- I said I didn't want to leave him.

By not orgasming, the energy exchange was something cosmic, electrifying, and yet the deepest calm I've ever felt.

When we'd part, one of us would try and say "thank you," but it was inappropriate. I told him, "No. That wrecks it. We ARE 'thank you.' "

If you ever have a love like that, sex like that, cherish it. I actually feel funny sharing it here. It was sacred. I hope others have had it. Are having it. Will have it. It makes me realize that being called a slut, when something like this could come out of it? Is well worth it all. Sluts want to heal. They want to heal, and BE healed. Is that so wrong?
 
Sounds like, despite all my sleeping around and "slutty" behaviour i still have lots to learn . . . :D
 
Hi,
I'm a guy and an American. I have noticed the problem of double standards, a guy can be a "stud" but a girl is a "slut". I never subscribed to these definitions.

Here is the definition I use:
- Slut: a person who is dishonest about dating/sleeping with multiple people. Not necessarily a girl.

- Liberated woman: someone who sleeps with all the people she wants, but is honest about it. You go, girl!

- Bimbo: girl who is, or acts, ditzy. Usually blond.

- Himbo: guy version of bimbo.

I had a roommate who had short relationships of 1-3 months. He called himself a slut, but he had other issues too, I think.

I had a friend who loved sex, and lots of it, but was always faithful to his girlfriends. He called himself a slut. (He was actually a very nice guy.)

So, I refuse to get all worked up about a made-up title. Besides, Americans are known the world over to be really uptight about sex, so why should I let them define what I should believe?
 
Hi,
I'm a guy and an American. I have noticed the problem of double standards, a guy can be a "stud" but a girl is a "slut". I never subscribed to these definitions.

Here is the definition I use:
- Slut: a person who is dishonest about dating/sleeping with multiple people. Not necessarily a girl.

- Liberated woman: someone who sleeps with all the people she wants, but is honest about it. You go, girl!

- Bimbo: girl who is, or acts, ditzy. Usually blond.

- Himbo: guy version of bimbo.
Haven't heard the word bimbo in a while. But you've given it your own definition that isn't quite right. It's not just an airhead; there is always a sexual connotation to the word. Traditionally, the word bimbo means "an attractive but empty-headed young woman, perceived as being a willing sex object or having loose morals." Usually calling someone a bimbo means she's attractive, dumb, and sexually promiscuous. The term is derogatory, but not as bad as "floozie," which usually means someone is a prostitute. I remember a group of guys I worked with when I was a teenager used to call this woman they knew a "cheap floozie bimbo."

As to your idea that word slut means someone who isn't honest about sleeping around, I think that's way off. Usually it's the honesty about wanting, and enjoying sex and usually being honest about having had numerous sex partners, that prompts people to label someone a slut.
 
I really think using the word slut as a derogatory slur is so outmoded! We've had a long struggle for women's rights, since the late 1800s, and certainly since the 1970s. Do we really still need a "bad" word for women who take charge of their own sexuality?

Fuck that ridiculous double standard! I reject it.
 
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