another newbie question

laura

New member
How to say "I'm bisexual, have a boyfriend, and am open to a woman" without actually saying anything? lol:D


I was thinking of wearing an infinity heart poly-ring. Any suggestions?
I figure it's discrete enough to wear anywhere.
 
Is this just for a personal symbol for yourself, a self-acknowledgement of sorts? Or, letting potential partners know you're open? If the former, sure, the ring (or whatever you like) totally works. If the latter, it's unlikely to convey the message unless you're in a REALLY poly-friendly metropolitan area at events where there are likely other poly people. It's just too obscure a symbol at this point (I am bi and poly, and I likely wouldn't notice). Even if someone poly does notice, at most it's saying you are either poly or just found a ring you liked, rather than establishing a status of bi and looking for a woman (though it could be a conversation opener at events like SCA/Wiccan meetups, or other meetings where alternative lifestyles are more common and therefore people might recognize it).
 
I have seen people who are not poly wearing the poly symbol ring, unfortunately it is not exclusive to one group or another. If i notice someone with the infinite heart symbol i would probably have enough interest to probe the meaning, but i would not ask it right out.
Even if I determined someone was poly, i would not think the ring's meaning was bi and available.
 
Symbols wouldn't work for me. I think if you are seeking to meet other partners, you need to be direct. Perhaps consider an online dating profile where you can be explicit about your current situation and what you are looking for - that will allow people to filter themselves out if they are not on the same wavelength. If meeting people face to face in daily life, then consider casually dropping in the fact that your boyfriend is dating (if that's true), or that you have an open relationship, and then let them choose whether to follow that up or not. If you are not willing or able to come out of the closet in any way, you are going to find your chances of finding another lover from your day-to-day life extremely limited.
 
I have seen people who are not poly wearing the poly symbol ring, unfortunately it is not exclusive to one group or another. If i notice someone with the infinite heart symbol i would probably have enough interest to probe the meaning, but i would not ask it right out.
Even if I determined someone was poly, i would not think the ring's meaning was bi and available.

This. I know someone with a tattoo of the infinity heart symbol, and she isn't poly.
 
How to say "I'm bisexual, have a boyfriend, and am open to a woman" without actually saying anything? lol:D

I was thinking of wearing an infinity heart poly-ring. Any suggestions?
I figure it's discrete enough to wear anywhere.

You can't, at least not reliably. You will have to use your words (and flirting) to let attractive women known you're interested.
 
Put it on a button pin and wear it? People could read and you don't have to say anything verbally. Wear it to poly friendly spaces, especially mixers where people are all looking to date. That's broadcast. You may or may not be interested in whoever that attracts.

If you prefer to narrowcast, then you have to work on getting comfortable just telling people you are specifically interested in that you are interested in them.

Galagirl
 
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The problem with expecting jewelry (or a tattoo, or anything else) to do your talking for you is that not everyone is going to recognize what you're trying to say. As you've seen in this thread, some people don't associate any particular symbol with being polyamorous. I don't; I didn't even know what an "infinity heart" was until I Googled it after reading this thread.

The advice we're often given as preschoolers works here: Use your words. If you walk into even a specifically poly event wearing a certain symbol and expect people to see it and know you're looking and available, you're going to be disappointed. In the general public, you're probably going to be completely out of luck.

As harsh as this sounds, if you can't "actually say anything" about being poly and looking, you might want to get more comfortable with yourself and what you're doing before you bring anyone else into it.
 
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I have a poly tattoo on my left hand, and have only had one person exclaim - IS THAT A POLY TATTOO?! I've had other comments, but they are mostly to say that they like it, full stop. Or, they ask if it means something, at which point I explain. I can't imagine trying to generate dating interest with it! Of course, it is situated "upside down" but I asked for it to be placed that way so that I could look at it - because this particular tattoo is for ME, not for others. I have seen an infinity heart on someone else, and when I exclaimed - hey, you're poly too? - they looked at me like I was crazy and I had to explain that the tattoo they had picked off the internet as being cute actually had another meaning, which was definitely not their intention.
 
I have a poly tattoo on my left hand, and have only had one person exclaim - IS THAT A POLY TATTOO?! I've had other comments, but they are mostly to say that they like it, full stop.

Just for the record, I have commented on poly tattoos before and only said that I liked them. I guess I assumed the compliment would imply I knew what it meant, and I didn't necessarily want to broadcast their (or my) status to the entire restaurant.
 
Fair enough. Sometimes I just say thanks, and sometimes I will explain the meaning. Depends on the location. :)
 
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