Feel like things are hurtling out of control so here goes - time to ask for some thoughts.
Married 7 years and we have a young son.
Had been swinging, initially as a couple only, then with singles in 3-sums and then playing with those singles separately - but infrequently, maybe once or twice a year!
Drama ensued - long story - and the better half decided that she didn't want to swing any more and that she liked the idea of having a single, FWB, develop a friendship etc. not Poly I know.
I agreed with this and we agreed a basic set of ground rules - basically those of safety, balance and the right for either of us to say stop. After all, she had decided to stop swinging and I had accepted that decision which affected both of us.
One year on, we've argued more than at any other time. She likes to do whatever she wants, whenever she wants to - any request from me for consideration is met with anger that I'm just trying to control her freedom. To the point that she threatens our marriage if I even dare to suggest that I'm not comfortable with the ongoing situation.
It's not a she's dating, I'm not situation. It's not a jealousy situation. It's not an insecurity situation.
She doesn't accept my right to have feelings that differ from her new, post-swinging drama, all zen about everything attitude. Her extra-marital relationship seems to be way more important to her than any relationship I've had or see having. If we continue it probably threatens our marriage (despite her FWB being married and not truly poly either) and if I even consider saying stop then that threatens our marriage too.
So, are we doomed? How can I become (more) comfortable if she doesn't respect my right to stop (or even talk about it). She wanted the same consideration before this started and got it - am I wrong to expect the same consideration?
Sorry about the wall of text
Bob
Married 7 years and we have a young son.
Had been swinging, initially as a couple only, then with singles in 3-sums and then playing with those singles separately - but infrequently, maybe once or twice a year!
Drama ensued - long story - and the better half decided that she didn't want to swing any more and that she liked the idea of having a single, FWB, develop a friendship etc. not Poly I know.
I agreed with this and we agreed a basic set of ground rules - basically those of safety, balance and the right for either of us to say stop. After all, she had decided to stop swinging and I had accepted that decision which affected both of us.
One year on, we've argued more than at any other time. She likes to do whatever she wants, whenever she wants to - any request from me for consideration is met with anger that I'm just trying to control her freedom. To the point that she threatens our marriage if I even dare to suggest that I'm not comfortable with the ongoing situation.
It's not a she's dating, I'm not situation. It's not a jealousy situation. It's not an insecurity situation.
She doesn't accept my right to have feelings that differ from her new, post-swinging drama, all zen about everything attitude. Her extra-marital relationship seems to be way more important to her than any relationship I've had or see having. If we continue it probably threatens our marriage (despite her FWB being married and not truly poly either) and if I even consider saying stop then that threatens our marriage too.
So, are we doomed? How can I become (more) comfortable if she doesn't respect my right to stop (or even talk about it). She wanted the same consideration before this started and got it - am I wrong to expect the same consideration?
Sorry about the wall of text
Bob