Next chapter

Thanks to everyone for your concern and good vibes.

Here is where I am one week post op. I have dull pain in my rectal area all the time. It is a sharp pain when I go to pee. I have a dull ache in my whole lower abdomen. I also have, as of last night, a tingling pain in my upper right thigh.

Luckily I've been able to sleep on my side if I want, from day 1. When I had my c-section I couldn't do that for weeks. I can also cough and laugh with minimal discomfort.

I haven't had any vaginal discharge since the first day post surgery. That's a nice surprise.

My appetite is increasing slowly. I have lost 5 pounds. I went off the oxycodone again yesterday early morning, and by evening I still had no urge to poop, so Pixi gave me an enema, but barely anything came out. And that enema hurt going in! Ouch.

So I went back on the oxy so I could sleep. I still felt bad this morning, so at 11am I ate breakfast (eggs and hash browns), then took meds, 5mg of oxy, 600 mg of ibuprofen.

After a couple hours, they kicked in, so I got dressed and drove 5 minutes to my shopping center (all back roads, quiet, figured I could handle it). I wanted to walk, but our street is a bit hilly and I thought flat floors and a shopping cart to lean on would be better. It went well, and was fun and a nice change. So nice to get out of the house. I found a couple nice dishes and a book. I then went grocery shopping, making sure the bags were loaded lightly. Pixi helped me carry them in. I put them away. I am moving slowly and carefully.

I am going to try and make meatballs and sauce and pasta tonight. I've been craving and dreaming of it! lol I had some baguette and butter and a yogurt for lunch.

Pixi's wrist is still quite bad, so she can't do anything to care for me or for the house. I guess tomorrow I will go get my car inspected myself. Sucks! Today I helped her make a splint with a ruler and an ace bandage. I have a couple wrist splints, but her hand/arm is different than average people's, so we needed to custom make one. Now she is thinking, maybe she hurt it carrying around her purse at the hospital last week, loaded with both our wallets and phones and other gear? Odd she could do archery all summer with no problem, and now she's injured. She's been reading up on tendonitis, and it's just like what I had when I gave birth to and started carrying a 10 lb baby... and I improved in time with a wrist brace and ice. She prefers a heating pad. Cortisone is not recommended for this so she's not going to the dr. She is bummed out because many things average people would do with one arm/hand, she needs to use both.

Today I got a text from Cop, with a picture of him in a suit. He is cute and fit and obviously puts care into his appearance. Also a Get Well Soon meme thing and he asked how I was feeling. I didn't respond because, well, that phone call. Ugh.

No word from Sapio yet. I am going to text him. He said he is helping to take care of an ill relative (story of my life!), and since he stopped texting so suddenly yesterday, maybe he was needed? Or maybe he just lost interest. It would be nice to know.

Then I am going to go nap. I'll make dinner after that, and watch the debate of our delightful candidates. :rolleyes:
 
Mags, for tendinitis, it's better to apply ice for the first two or three days. Heat will cause more swelling and prolong inflammation (and pain). So, even though the heat itself feels comforting and good, it's always better to start with ice, and ice will actually relieve the pain she's feeling.

Pixi should keep it on for about 10 minutes at a time, or until the area is numbed, (it takes about 10 minutes if the ice is inside a bag or cloth or something - it will only take about 3 minutes to become numb if she uses ice cubes directly on her skin) and then take the ice off and let the area warm up again. Repeat. This can be done numerous times a day, as long as the tissues warm up in between each ice application. When it comes to tendinitis, you can ice the area frequently as long as there are still symptoms, and even after she feels better. After the swelling/inflammation goes down, in a few days, she can apply heat which will help to increase blood flow in that area.
 
She did use ice the first few days, Cindie, thanks.
 
Now she is thinking, maybe she hurt it carrying around her purse at the hospital last week, loaded with both our wallets and phones and other gear? Odd she could do archery all summer with no problem, and now she's injured. She's been reading up on tendonitis, and it's just like what I had when I gave birth to and started carrying a 10 lb baby...
Could it be a bdsm injury?
I developed tendonitis nearly two years ago. I believe it was partly from typing and not excercising (lot of tension overall), and partly from a bondage scene where I ignored bad pain.
 
I don't know what caused pixi's wrist pain, but it is gradually subsiding. She's a happier camper, and has got some work done on a commission to make several bracelets for a guy, weaving cords. She made 4.

I finally heard from my surgeon yesterday. She apologised for being late. Apparently she messaged an underling to tell me she wouldn't have results until Friday (instead of Tuesday), but that person never saw the message. Grr...

So anyway. There is good news and bad news. Good news is, the surgery got all the cancer out. There is no cancer in other areas, none in the lymph glands.

Bad news is, even though the cancer was caught early at Stage 1A, the 1/2" tumor was of a type of cancer (I forget the name) which is a type 3. It can recur in my belly... so I will need chemotherapy. Shit fuck.

Very hard news to take. Chemo makes you hurt, and I have had so much pain. It can cause mouth sores, tummy aches, bladder issues, extreme fatigue, and eek! hair loss. I am so tired of living in constant pain. And I do NOT want to lose my pretty silver hair. It's one of my best features, silky, wavy and easy to care for. The dr said hair loss will commence 3 weeks after my first chemo treatment.

However, she did say the type of drugs I will get don't cause nausea. So, that's one good thing. That was my major fear and dread.

I will need treatments every 3 weeks for 4 months. So all winter long I will be tired, sore and perhaps go bald. Fuck my life, really! Apparently once I get through chemo, chances are very good I should be and remain cancer-free, although I will need regular blood tests for years, and might have a lowered T-cell count for a while.

How unlucky I am. Most people with endo cancer don't need chemo.

I don't know if I will be able to resume working while undergoing this shit. Not if I am tired and hurting all the time. That guy I was seeing, Steve? He has stomach cancer and was undergoing chemo when I was seeing him and he had very bad days. (However, I didn't see any hair loss on him. While he does shave his head, there appears to be a full head of hair going by the stubble, and his eyebrows were gorgeous and lush, and he had lots of body hair.)

I am still feeling pretty bad, healing-wise. I told the dr, and she was very sympathetic. Still lots of pain in the area where my uterus used to be (as pixi calls it, my "uter-isn't"). Still pain in the large intestine. I've had some improvement pooping but not out of the woods yet. It's been very difficult, painful and exhausting just to go. Extremely common after abdominal surgery, but this is much worse than after my c-sec.

My appetite has improved some and I can seem to handle normal foods now, instead of just invalid foods like yogurt, soup and cereal. So I can eat meat, potatoes, veggies like a normal person. My stomach is OK, it's the other end of the digestive tract that is a royal pain.

About 4-5 days ago I developed pain on my upper thighs and across my mons. Like on the skin surface and just under it. Yesterday the dr told me it was from being in stirrups for so long. When it starts to "burn" that will mean it's almost over, and later last night night it did feel more burny.

I started discharging a pink watery fluid about 4 or 5 days ago too. So I need to wear a pad, and the panties to hold it dig into the painful skin area. Fun! I don't bother getting dressed most days still. So I wasn't bothering with panties til this started.

I take a 2 hour nap every day in the late afternoon. Usually I am nicely drugged up on the oxy, so that is pleasant. I am not sick in my dreams. Last night was different...I slept in my actual bed from 11-5:15. I haven't been able to sleep all night in bed in forever. My back still aches some, but I don't know if it's my usual pain or from the surgery.
 
What else? My local Pyrex collector's group is having a swap tomorrow. It's being hosted 20 miles north of here, right where I used to live. I actually instigated it before my diagnosis/surgery. I wasn't sure I would be able to make it, but I am darn well doing it.

I decided to get rid of most of my oval casseroles. I've got about 10 pieces spoken for already. I am pricing them to sell. I just don't often use or display that shape. They will be going to good homes.

I am not going to set up a table, just sell out of my car trunk once I get there. I will be taking pieces out to my car from home 2 at a time, since I am not supposed to lift over 10 lbs at a time. It will be fun to get out and see my collector friends. :)

Pixi had offered to come with, but last night her Master invited her to visit tonight into Sunday. I told her to go for it. She deserves a break.

In "dating" news, that guy Sapio never talked to me again! We had a lovely 1 hour chat. He asked me what day we could meet, and then left me hanging. I dunno, maybe he's just a jerk after all. He is 37, but he asked me for "naughty pictures." :rolleyes: Since he would have to wait a few weeks to have sex with me? Dude, you're 37, not 17.

The cop stopped texting and calling me since I ignored him.

Still a few more potentials on OKC, but I am not engaging, especially now that I know I will be exhausted, ill and maybe bald from chemo all winter.

So weird that my last sex with a guy was the MMF threesome with Punk and Arjun. Last blast. Now I feel I will never have a penis in my mouth or vagina ever again.

There is a sexy vibe between pixi and me sometimes, and we've had a little bit of actual sex play... mostly I am not up for it. I have been still enjoying looking at porn photos on FL, and I have had one orgasm since surgery, so at least I can still cum with no uterus.
 
Today is Sunday, day 19 post op. Last Tuesday I went to the hospital and met with my surgeon. I had a pelvic exam, and got to tell her how bad my constipation was. Finally she told me the best laxatives to get.

She went over how surgery went, and assessed how I am feeling. I will have another appointment on Oct 19. If I have healed enough, I will start chemo soon after that. She could see I was still in a world of hurt and exhaustion on Tuesday.

It seems cruel, because I will be only 4 weeks post op on the 19th, and healing takes 6-8 weeks at a minimum, with many reporting 12 weeks to a year to really feel back to normal.

I need to get on my PCP's case about getting my hormones checked to see if the benign tumor on my adrenal gland is causing excess hormones which may have caused the endometrial cancer! We still haven't done a thing about that. Pixi was doing research and found that the type of cancer I had/have, papillary serous, can be caused by excess estrogen. My surgeon seemed surprised I had it. If I do have excess hormones, I sure need to get a drug to suppress that, or my body will be fighting the "good" the chemo poisons are supposed to be doing! I called my PCP last week but we played phone tag and she left a message late Friday and I missed it. She said the chemo questions should be run by my surgeon (duh) and seemed to forget all about my adrenal gland. Grrr... *pulls hair out*

So back to my checkup. I guess I am healing on schedule. I still have that darn pain in my upper thighs and mons. So annoying. I had pinkish watery sticky discharge for a week. It is lessening, which is great since wearing panties and a pad hurts my skin a lot.

I then had a talk with this woman who has the challenging job of explaining chemo to patients. She was very nice. I did break down and cry as she reiterated the side effects of the chemo. When I could talk I told her how it's been such a bad year because of my back pain, so the surgery pain and upcoming chemo pain is almost too much to contemplate.

I am being assured I WILL lose my hair, starting 3 weeks after the first session, with all of it gone after the 2nd. I got a prescription for a wig. I need to go get one asap since I will shave my head at the first sign of hair loss. Ugh. This is a surreal nightmare. The woman gave me a list of wig places but they are all in Worcester. I see there is one in my town. I have to go and see what she's got and if she will take my insurance/prescription.

So... I am healing.Today was a banner day! First day, 19 days post op, that I didn't need a narcotic for pain. I bought and took the recommended Miralax and senna all week, as well as 3 stool softeners a day, and they did the job. And now they won't be needed since I am getting off the narcotic. But I will need them again later since chemo causes constipation!
 
What else? Pixi's wrists, both of them, continue to have tendonitis type pain! Wouldn't you know, just when I can do less, so is she disabled. Our friend K vacuumed the stairs to our family room, but my bedroom and the family room reek of dog because of hair.

I talked to my married daughter and she wants to come visit. I am dying to see my granddaughters, who are growing up without me. Here I thought I'd been running to see them once or twice a month (hour and a half drive one way) and it's nowhere near that. I haven't seen them since July. I hope to have daughter and babies come this week. Of course she will drag along her weird, praying preaching husband... ugh. I wish she would come without him but they seem to be a package deal. But I think I can get them to vacuum.

My oldest bff got all concerned for me and told me she would trade in points to fly up from Baltimore to see me. But now we are rethinking. She is low on on money since the company she has worked for, for like 15 years, was bought out and she lost her long term lucrative graphic design career and benefits. Sucks so bad. Ineligible for unemployment too, somehow! She was out of work close to a year, unable to get hired. Fucking ageism, she is 59. Everyone wants millennials. She finally got a job at Trader Joe's and has only been there a couple weeks. I don't know what she was thinking about visiting me. I had to tell her how exhausted I am. We won't be sightseeing or drinking wine, etc. I still take a long nap every afternoon. She doesn't have energy to vacuum because her TJs job is so physical and she is getting used to the exercise.

She got weird when I asked her to take the shuttle bus from Logan airport to the town next to me. $14, she said. Well, howdy do? Do I want to drive a 2 hr round trip to Boston in my condition to save her $14? No, I do not. She was supposed to come on Wed. She said she would just hang out, cook for me, maybe do a little shopping and laundry. I can shop and do laundry though. Shopping entails a cart to lean on in my shaky state, and gets me out of the house. I can do laundry if I carry things upstairs in small bunches. Hmph. She said she'd call me and see if we should postpone. Of course, I will be in a similar state once I start chemo, weak. I won't have lifting restrictions but who knows how strong I will feel to climb stairs with a laundry basket?

Pixi is at her bf's right now, but won't spend the night. Next Friday and Saturday she is driving down to Delaware to a con to promote her camp. She will just be gone like 2 1/2 days. I am fine on my own. In a way, now that I can get around OK, time to myself is restful since I don't have her asking where I am going every time I move. She is so sweet, but clingy and anxious. I am glad though, my sex drive is coming back even more. I gave her oral yesterday, i was so glad to feel comfortable enough to be able to get in position and have strength to bring her to orgasm. Caretakers need appreciation. And it was fun and normalising.

Still 3 weeks and 2 days before it's OK to put anything in my vagina, but my clit and nipples are as responsive as ever.

Still have men messaging me on OKC. :cool:
 
Well shit, Mags... Big hugs. <3

Here's hoping you get your doctor's attention with respect to the potential hormonal imbalance and your adrenal gland. It's *so* aggravating to feel like you're not being heard.

Once Chops and I get back from our trip, let's work out a time/day for us to come see you. I'll even vacuum! We'll cook! I just won't do windows. ;)

Much love and more hugs...
 
Mags, much admiration for you.

Just want to say about the hair loss thing. Most women I've known start out doing a wig or hats, but learn before long that it isn't that comfortable and that bald can be beautiful.

And oh. my. god. can bald ever be beautiful. So in my blog I mention a Domme in Denver that I'm a bit infatuated with (in a fun, not super serious kind of way.) She has a condition called alopecia universalis. It causes loss of all hair. She is hairless. Still one of the most beautiful and sexy women I've ever had the honor to know. And lest you think she is very fit and able and youthful and well...anything but "sick"...she has fibro, among other things, too. So she struggles with a lot of chronic pain and stuff. She is often fighting the good fight, whether anyone knows it or not. Yet beautiful, and very much wigless.

I have my long hair and a dread of losing it, I never have it cut. So I understand, because I once thought that would be one of the more awful things about cancer and chemo. Now that I know this lady, I don't think that anymore. I would go bald and beautiful if it came to that. There is an elegance to it.
 
Just got caught up on your writing, and I am glad to hear you are starting to feel better and that you are getting your grove back sexually. ((Hugs)) I hope your chemo experience isn't too terrible and that your hair grows back even more gorgeous after.
 
So I called my PCP again and the nurse that answered told me my records said I am supposed to find an endocrinologist myself, for the adrenal concerns. So I found one at the hospital I went to for my surgery, and will go Friday morning. My bff can go with me. Hopefully that will all go smoothly and I will finally know what is going on with that.

My bff is coming after all, yes. We had some misunderstandings but got it all sorted out. She'll take the shuttle from the airport. She took it last year when she came for my 60th birthday, and all I had then was back pain!

My daughter will come next week. If bff doesn't vacuum, she can. Or they both can, because dog hair never stops.

I thought I was done with oxycodone but I'm not. I still need one a day.

Today Pixi drove us into Boston for our electrolysis appointment. I am nearly done with that but hadn't been in ages, I was due. Well that was exhausting. We love our electrologist, she is just so nice to talk to, a woman my age, very sympathetic... her sister had cancer earlier this year. Pixi drove but it was rush hour on our way home. Took forever. I couldn't sleep in her car, the seats just aren't as comfortable in her Scion as in my Rav4, imo.

I thought I'd go right to bed when we got home, but it's too late for a nap so I fixed some baked beans and put them in the oven. We'll just have boxed mac and cheese with it, and then I will fucking go to bed.
 
I woke up when Pixi came to bed at 230 pm. I had gone to bed around 930 pm, and slept like the dead, so didn't mind waking up.

I haven't been bothered by back pain since the first few days after surgery, but it was kind of bad once we got home from Boston. We'd left home at 130 (a half hr appointment for me at 230, an hour for Pixi), and didn't get home til like 6! God, rush hour sucks. I was whimpering with misery until dinner was done and eaten, and I crashed in bed.

I see Pixi finally got the guest room cleared out, organised and vacuumed. Ugh, I appreciate she comes from a disorganised hoarder family so she struggles... That room had gotten so full of her camping gear and various flotsam and jetsam. I love her to death, and try not to nag. But she is a world class procrastinator! Argh! So glad to see it all cleared out and the sheets stripped off to be washed for my bff.

Anyway, I am feeling so much better now in the middle of the night than I was in the evening. Thanks for the support and ideas from those of you that commented. I dunno if I can be the cool "bald is beautiful" chick. Maybe if I were 50 lbs smaller and 20 years younger. I think young cute girls can be adorable with shaved heads. A full figured 61 year old? Not so much.

YaH, have a great time on your European vacation! Yes, definitely want to see you and Chops as soon as you can manage!

Bluebird, thanks for reading and commenting and supporting, too.

Oddly, women with hysterectomies are coming out on my Pyrex collector Facebook groups, if I so much as mention it. It's nice to not feel alone. Some poor gals have had hip to hip incisions in emergencies. One had her appendix taken out along with her reproductive organs! Makes me remember how lucky I am, because things can always be worse.
 
Thanks, Reverie. I am mostly trying just to update once a week, since progress is so slow, and I can't bear to post just to whine.

But things are finally turning a corner. Having Bee here was SO great. She was everything I hoped, and more. She is such a bubbly positive funny person, a huge breath of fresh air. We talked and talked, she dragged me out to thrift stores, 3 different Savers in 3 days! We went to a farm stand with Pixi for apples and a pumpkin and other veggies. Then Pixi left Friday morning for her con, while Bee and I were at my adrenal dr appt.

That went really quickly and well. The dr was a "young" guy, maybe 40 tops. He was quite positive the adrenal has nothing to do with the cancer! He said my gland is only "granular," with fatty tissue, which is extremely common in people as they age. And any hormones that may be being released, none of them cause cancer. There is no estrogen being released ever from the adrenals, just DHEA (testosterone), adrenaline, cortisol (or cortisone, I forget). Just the same, I had 5 tubes of blood taken, and had to do a 24 hour urine collection (yuck). That's all done now. He said he'd call with results. I dropped off the pee at the local Quest Diagnostics in my town yesterday morning.

One day when I was napping, Bee vacuumed much of the house, and deep cleaned my hall bathroom. She also did all our dishes the whole time. We also went to a Trader Joe's when she first got here, and bought groceries and wine. She has just started working at one, so she was thrilled to look around mine. She chatted up a bunch of the employees. She is so outgoing and charming. She told one guy, "Well, maybe I will see you at the next con. I'll be the one dancing on the bar." Ha. That is so her.

So Bee and I found some goodies thrifting. She had to pack all hers in bubble wrap to take them home. She also brought me presents! "Edible" brownies :p from her homegrown, a vintage dress we used to share as teens and 20somethings, and a string of hula girl patio lights. What a sweetie. Of course I can't fit in the dress. I need a dressmaker dummy or better yet, a vintage mannequin, to display it! Til then, a padded hanger on the wall will work.

We also spent time looking at old photos of ourselves as kids, and pix from my parents' and grandmothers' youths. Bee loves vintage everything just like me. We haven't had one on one time in decades! It was just so awesome. We also went out to an old diner for lunch after my dr appt, and to an Indian buffet before I took her to the airport on Saturday.

More good news to follow...
 
First, more medical stuff. Today is my next checkup with my surgeon. If I am deemed healed enough (I am still having a little discharge though) she will want to start the fucking chemo. I will ask to wait til next week, because I have shit to do.

On Friday, my daughter and her gang are coming here to visit and help. On Sunday, Teddy's delayed visit is going to happen.

Last night, I went on a first date with a new OKC guy! Yes, I have been on the fence about dating, and put off several men while I was really suffering. But this guy seemed too nice to pass up. I decided not to tell him about my illness in chat or on the first date. I don't want or need to be identified AS my illness.

And he was very very eager to meet. We only chatted about 3 days, and I had to put him off while Bee was here, but I told him I'd chat him on Sunday, and when I went to OKC, he was signed on, seemingly waiting.

So we went to my local pub restaurant last night. It's where I almost always go for first dates. I was thinking I hadn't been back since I first met Punk, but oops! I did meet Arjun there back in ... early or mid July, I guess. heh. The senior waitress must think I am a whore. I try to project the vibe that I am an entrepreneur interviewing men for my business. lol

So anyway, it went really well. I will post more about him as things develop. He lives just a few towns away, maybe a half hr drive. 40, cute, smart, well read and well traveled, single, never married, no kids, science dude, dating around now after a long period of being a workaholic... He said ours was his best first date yet, and he asked me out for Saturday, and I can feel he likes talking to me and is attracted to me, but not in a rush to hop in the sack, which is good because neither am I (out of necessity).
 
Oh, Magdyln, I'm so glad you had a great week with Bee! You definitely needed some happy, feel good times with everything you've had going on the last few months. And congrats on a good first date with Science Guy :)
 
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I'm so glad things are going so well!

And what a wonderful person Bee sounds like, and such a nice time.

Honestly when I saw Reverie's post here yesterday and realized how long its been since you last posted, I worried a little bit. All this crap you are going through. It's good to know you're alright and I wish I could give you a big hug.

Science guy sounds interesting! :)
 
Your last post made me laugh out loud, Magdlyn - I have a "first date bar" too! God only knows what they think of me :rolleyes:

I'm glad you've had a good week, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed the chemo isn't as tough as you worry it will be.
 
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