Stop The Vinsanity...

Well, I don't like to cook, but I admire the love of it in others, and I do know how it works. I am questioning the fact that someone doesn't know you make broth out of bones and bits. Even I know that. :)

As far as the nesting partner thing, you should listen to yourself on that, of course.
 
I think she knew how it's made. She has just never been subjected to decent cooking outside of a restaurant. Her mind goes to if it is homemade it can't be good. She is an executive at a major corporation so she has never really had the time or inclination to learn how to cook. She basically eats out every night.

I sometimes question myself on the cohabitation thing. I mean, all I'd have to do is say the word and I would be set for life. But it's true that money can't buy happiness. I would have to compromise myself way too much. The funny thing is her husband hates me, but he has no idea that I have no desire to hijack his gravy train.
 
You didn't have to delete your message. I don't mind questions or comments.

He is her problem. I don't get involved with a partner's relationships. I am only there for support if needed. As someone who cares about her, I would like to see her get away from him, but not so she can come running to me. The thing is, she doesn't need either of us to survive. She is not stuck with him for any reason. She simply chooses to stay. I suppose she feels that's easier.
 
Christmas was pretty much a non-event. I did go to the beach. I used to do that when I first moved down here. I would go to the beach every Xmas even if it was just for a few minutes. But then the novelty sort of wore off. Plus, Cat wasn't really into the beach. That was always a shame since she looked smokin hot in a bikini.

It's amazing how smells can evoke detailed memory. I lit some candles that we had alway used around the holidays. Better Homes and Gardens Winter Ski Resort. I closed my eyes and was transported back in time. It felt as though maybe I was waiting for Cat to come home from the store or maybe she was out in the kitchen getting us drinks or something. It made me feel a little sad, but mostly just peaceful. No specific memories really, more the memories of feelings.

So I as sat there with my eyes closed, I hear some rustling in the kitchen. I'm slowly realizing this is not part of my memory experience. There is something going on in the kitchen. I go out to investigate and there is a rat on my stove. This ended being a three day battle, but I won in the end.

The rat's death was the only one I celebrated. A couple others not so much. Shorty was hit by a car. He was something of a companion animal to me after Cat's death. Also, Monkey passed away from old age.

The trio of kittens were picked up the other day, off to find some good homes. No more indoor cats.

So now I've begun my remodeling. I've ripped up the carpeting in the back half. My living room is a mish mosh of furniture from the two rooms. This is definitely not going to impress any possible future partners. At the same time I can't insist on not coming to my place because, well, that's what the married guys do...lol.
 
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It looks like I'm getting off my ass and going to work. Unfortunately it's an OTR job. I wasn't planning on going back out on the road. Apparently I am over qualified for most local jobs. They are always afraid us CDL guys will take off to be on the road again. Plus, the local jobs have lousy pay. I have no idea why someone would drive a semi on local streets for only 15 bucks an hour.

On the plus side, this job pays well. They also allow 3 weeks on the road with one week off. I can afford the one week off with what they will be paying me. A week gives me plenty of time to get a project done on the house. That was one reason I didn't want to go back on the road.

So tomorrow I have a drug test and begin orientation. Then I hit the road relatively soon. Part of me dreads it, part of me is excited.
 
So close, yet so far...

That's the thing with this job. Lots of traveling but not really going anywhere. I was close to my youngest daughter's city. I was in Mary's city. I didn't have time to visit either one. Now I am outside of Detroit with plenty of time. Frustrating.

Other than that the new job is going well. I was ready. I did catch myself looking around for something to pick up for Cat last night. I used to get her little cat related things I'd find here and there. Old habits and all that.

I reconnected with Blondie. It turns out she joined AA. We have a tentative "date" set for when I get back in town. She lives on a boat so I'd like to get a little fishing in. Then we'll probably fight over who gets to cook dinner...lol. I do miss cooking for someone.

I also have a tentative date set with someone I've mentioned before. I may have to come up with a name for her eventually. She's an old friend. We have always flirted. We made out once. I sound like a teenager...lol.
 
Time for my yearly update :rolleyes:

JOB: They don't really know what they are doing, but they oay me. The question is do they pay me enough to put up with it. I'm looking at a different company now. It would be a 30% increase in pay.

DATING: Haven't been on any dates. I decided to give Blondie some space, given our history and her becoming sober. It turned out she needed that space. She said it would have been hard having ne over to do some fishing because she would have wanted a beer.

I did meet someone interesting the other night. I had assumed she was a lesbian because she was always with another woman. It turns out they are sisters...lol. We'll see.

I did get contacted by a woman in New England on OKC. We have tentative plans to meet if our paths cross, but that is unlikely.

HOUSE: Ugh. It turns out a week is not enough time to get much done while remodeling. On top of that the HOA is suddenly riding me for a bunch of stupid stuff. This week I have to paint the outside of my house in front. It rained today so U did get a little bit done inside.
 
Ok, things came to a head with that company. I got the go ahead from the other company so I am switching. I will be starting with them in a couple days. The people with the company I was with are flipping out. They are offering ne all kinds of things, but nothing approaching the money I will be getting.

So now I'm home for a few extra days. Time to get some stuff done.
 
Congrats on the new job, I hope you have a lot more job satisfaction there.
 
The new job is going pretty good. Stayed out 5 weeks. I was supposed to be done and home by the third. I had a breakdown so that didn't quite happen.

I had already made plans with someone for the fourth. I ended up getting into town that day with instructions to deliver on Thursday. I stashed the truck in a parking spot I know and we went to the beach to eat, drink, and watch fireworks.

I have mentioned this person before but haven't given her a name. I will call her Bella since she is Italian. She and I have known each other for 25 years or so. We've always had a flirtatious thing going on. We've always stayed just friends because she was married. Even after she was single and I was in my open marriage she was not comfortable with any escalation because of her friendship with Cat.

We ran into each other once and I explained how I am poly and Cat and I see other people. We made out pretty heavily but she didn't want to take it further. I didn't pursue it even though I felt she didn't really understand.

So we went out as friends, or so I was thinking. She was giving me cues that indicated she might want more, but I wasn't sure. That is until I dropped her at her place and a goodnight peck turned into another makeout session. Unfortunately we both had to be up super early so nothing more happened. I asked her if she wanted to go out again before I left. We are going out in Tuesday.

After I got home she sent me a text. She said she really enjoys kissing me. It was just like she remembered. She felt bad about it last time even though Cat and I were separated....What? Separated? She really didn't understand. I thought I had explained my situation very clearly. Now I will have to explain it all over again.

Yesterday I went over to Blondie's. I've known her almost as long as Bella. We have always been platonic with no flirtation going on. However, she has been saying things that could be interpreted as interest. We had a great meal and I got to do some fishing. We also watched a couple movies. Still platonic...lol. This is why I don't act on what I perceive as cues. A woman has to practically rip my clothes off and jump on me.

So that is the extent of my dating right now (Not that I consider Blondie and I as dating). Nothing online has panned out. I think I used up my luck there finding Sprite. The odds of finding someone else seems pretty low at the moment.

Tonight I am taking a break to have dinner with my ex-stepfather to discuss some business.

I have gotten some work done in the house, but nothing major.
 
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Still not quite sure where things will go with Bella. We went out to dinner last night. She had taken some medication for a migraine and was a little out if it. After dinner we went back to her place to watch a movie. We cuddled a bit and then she fell asleep. I ended up spending the night.

I did clear up a few things with her about the past. We haven't talked about the future, or even the present. Maybe tonight. She invited me over for dinner.

I'm conflicted. I really want to have sex with her, but I won't feel right if she is looking for some sort of exclusive relationship. Hopefully she will be fine with a FWB type of thing. I would like something more serious but she is mono.

And I keep saying I won't date mono women...
 
Bella cooked an awesome meal for me last night. I spent the night. It turns out the medication she is taking is new and that is why she is so loopy in it. We are not sure what we are doing but we have established we are taking it slow.

She told me she hasn't dated anyone in 8 years. I feel kind of privileged that she is this comfortable with me. Like me, she is very touchy feely so this is a refreshing change from most of the vanilla women I've been with who just seem to want to bang and get it over with. This whole just cuddling and making out thing is new to me. I told her I wouldn't push to do anything more, especially when she's on this medication. She thanked me for being patient.

It was hard to leave this morning knowing I won't see her again for a month.
 
I went from FK to SC to NV to CA to TX so far. Right now I'm getting unloaded in San Antonio.

Bella and I have been talking and texting every day. She's getting used to how my schedule is constantly changing. At first she thought I was ignoring her. It always amazes me when a beautiful woman has low self-esteem. But then, she was in a horrible relationship for 18 years. We both have issues. I'm always reluctant to open up fully. She has trust issues.

She may be a little hesitant because I am an Atheist. She is a Christian. I'm not going to try to change that even though I think she is clinging to it because if all the bad she's had in her life. But she needs to quit asking me about it because I can't pretend I think differently than I do.

On the plus side she is not a Trump fan.
 
OK, get this, I am seriously contemplating monogamy. We have been talking A LOT. It turns out we have many of the same life goals, goals I had given up on when Cat passed away.

Don't get me wrong. We are still taking things slow, but we realize there may be a future with us that is worth pursuing. She says there is something she needs to tell me first. She is afraid it may be a deal breaker. I think it may be an illness of some sort, possibly physical, but most likely mental.

If it is mental she seems to have it under control. I don't see any red flags in her behavior, other than being way too into me. I'm having a little bit of this is too good to be true feelings going on. I'm hoping she just has NRE bad and it's not manic. She's always been the type that is " always on" so it's hard to tell.

As for me, my NRE is on a slow boil. This is a whole new experience for me. I do have the warm fuzzies for her.

So why monogamy? I don't know. I guess I'm thinking she's worth it. I'm a little worried that having a relationship might jump start something in me that's been lacking for a couple years.
 
It's ok to do what feels right for you and how things are progressing with Bella. If monogamy feels right then why not?

I was thinking about you the other day when I did 2,000 miles of driving in 6 days and developed pains down my right leg, even with lots of cruise control use. I have lots of respect for those who drive long distances for a living.
 
Thanks Atlantis. I'm used to it now, but it was tough when I first started.


Well, I was wrong about it being a mental issue. And it's not a religious issue. She confirms it is a physical issue but hasn't yet said what it is. At this point I am assuming it's HSV from the clues she has given me. Not a big deal to me. I guess there is still some stigma attached to that, especially in our age group, but I'd think she would realize something like that would not be a deal breaker for me. Of course, I could be wrong. I will find out in 9 days.

I've learned a lot more about her since my last entry. All good. It's funny because in addition to not wanting to date mono women, I was also not big on hetero vanilla women. I wrote before that I've been with women who are, frankly, boring in bed. Then I see women on here that are describing all this stuff they like and how PIV isn't the end all be all. I noticed that the women who sound really playful and enjoy all kinds of things are either bi, kinky, or both. Well it turns out Bella is bi. It also turns out she is not completely vanilla. She denies herself any sort of homosexual relations due to religious reasons now. She's not a hard core bdsmer or anything, but I think we'll end up having some playful times.
 
Can you bring up the topic in a more direct way and let her know you would be fine with HSV and see if that allows her to open up?
 
Can you bring up the topic in a more direct way and let her know you would be fine with HSV and see if that allows her to open up?


I'm just going to wait until I get home in a week. She's willing to open up. She just wants to do it in person. I could be way off. I don't want to keep throwing out wrong guesses. There is really nothing that is a deal breaker for me. That's how much I think of her. It bothers me that she is worrying about this.
 
In an interesting turn of events, Mary sent me a long "break up" text. One of the things she said in it was she couldn't share me. I was like WTAF? She made a decision a long time ago that she wasn't going to leave her husband. She also made the decision to abide by his rules, which includes no sex or even kissing. I was fine with being platonic. Apparently she has some fantasy that we will be together sometime in the future, like when we are in our 70s or something. Like I'm supposed to be single until her husband dies or something.

Well I was driving when the text came through so I couldn't respond. Then she called to make sure I wasn't mad. I wasn't mad, just shocked. Anyway, we talked and she calmed down a little.

I was supposed to be home on Thursday, but it looks like maybe Friday now. This sucks because I really want Bella to get whatever it is out in the open so she can get past her worries.
 
I'm not the only one with friends who thought there was something more, or being taken for granted. Bella had a female friend who had moved away. Apparently she thought she would move back some day and they could live happily ever after. So now her friend is all broken up. I told her there is no reason they can't be friends. I also told her there was no reason, from my side, that she couldn't have a girlfriend. She asked why guys were always okay with that. Ugh. I told her it wasn't about that. Things would be easier if I wasn't the only poly person in this equation... lol

But wait there's more...

She's also had quite a few guy professing their love all of a sudden. Guys who pretended to be her friend, but really just wanted to sleep with her. Now they're mad. But she had no attraction to them anyway, so for what?
 
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