orangesf69
New member
This question is not about coming out to partners or friends or family, but about coming out to people you've recently met that you want to get to know better and eventually tell them that you're poly.
I am a bi male going out with a (self-identified) queer, genderfluid male partner. We've been together three years. A couple months ago we decided to open our relationship. We've made it clear that we are the primary relationship.
It occurred to me recently that when you meet someone online, they know as much about you as what you've placed in your profile. That makes things easy because if your profile says you're poly and they decide to meet you, you're already out to them as poly.
That's not true in the real world, where people make honest assumptions based on their superficial reading of you and what you choose to tell them when the time is right. So when is the "right time" to tell a special someone you've recently met that you're poly? Similarly, when is the right time to refer to your primary partner (when talking to this special someone) as your "partner" or "boyfriend" rather than more neutrally as a "friend"?
Say I meet a single gay guy who's really cute. He likes me too. I want to get in his pants and I'm pretty sure he wants to get in mine. I want this infatuation to evolve into something more meaningful down the road, and maybe he does too. He assumes I'm single. (I'm not wearing a ring, nor am I wearing a "Poly and Proud" T-shirt.) I don't want to lead him on but I also don't want to refer to "my boyfriend/partner" too soon either — right? I mean, we're just talking about movies and books we like.
I suppose if he were to come over and see "The Ethical Slut" lying on my coffee table, that would cut to the chase. Beyond that, though, at what point do I bring this up: During the first casual meeting over drinks? During the second casual meeting over drinks? After the first peck on the cheeks? After the first passionate kiss? After the first sexual encounter/sleepover? After the second sexual encounter/sleepover?
In addition, how do I bring this topic up?
("So... sex last night sure was amazing! You know, there's something I've been meaning to tell you — and, no, it doesn't have anything to do with STDs...")
I am a bi male going out with a (self-identified) queer, genderfluid male partner. We've been together three years. A couple months ago we decided to open our relationship. We've made it clear that we are the primary relationship.
It occurred to me recently that when you meet someone online, they know as much about you as what you've placed in your profile. That makes things easy because if your profile says you're poly and they decide to meet you, you're already out to them as poly.
That's not true in the real world, where people make honest assumptions based on their superficial reading of you and what you choose to tell them when the time is right. So when is the "right time" to tell a special someone you've recently met that you're poly? Similarly, when is the right time to refer to your primary partner (when talking to this special someone) as your "partner" or "boyfriend" rather than more neutrally as a "friend"?
Say I meet a single gay guy who's really cute. He likes me too. I want to get in his pants and I'm pretty sure he wants to get in mine. I want this infatuation to evolve into something more meaningful down the road, and maybe he does too. He assumes I'm single. (I'm not wearing a ring, nor am I wearing a "Poly and Proud" T-shirt.) I don't want to lead him on but I also don't want to refer to "my boyfriend/partner" too soon either — right? I mean, we're just talking about movies and books we like.
I suppose if he were to come over and see "The Ethical Slut" lying on my coffee table, that would cut to the chase. Beyond that, though, at what point do I bring this up: During the first casual meeting over drinks? During the second casual meeting over drinks? After the first peck on the cheeks? After the first passionate kiss? After the first sexual encounter/sleepover? After the second sexual encounter/sleepover?
In addition, how do I bring this topic up?
("So... sex last night sure was amazing! You know, there's something I've been meaning to tell you — and, no, it doesn't have anything to do with STDs...")