Well, last night was kinda sad for me. DarkKnight had play practice and PunkRock had planned on painting all evening, so I was set for a night alone, watching Netflix. I was ok with this. Then, PunkRock told me he wasn't in the mood for painting and we could spend time together instead. We ended up on opposite couches, while he was on his phone reading Facebook the entire time. I decided to turn on Breaking Bad to make him shut off his phone, which he finally did, and he came over to lay with me, but immediately after one episode he went downstairs to bed. I was left feeling very out of sorts and rejected. We hadn't had sex in a couple of days and I had been hoping for that. He offered to help me masturbate before heading to sleep, but he had done that the day before, and I wanted more than that. And I definitely didn't want him agreeing to sex me up when he wasn't really into it. I want him to want me, dammit, otherwise it isn't good for me.
I realized I was being a mess so I just went upstairs to bed myself. I kinda wish he hadn't spent any time with me at all, as it left me all out of sorts because the time didn't feel like quality time. If that makes sense.
That said, DarkKnight came home eventually and gave me some great snuggles and we fell asleep wrapped around each other. This is always awesome because he doesn't do that often.
PunkRock came and snuggled me early in the morning today, before going to work, and that was what I needed from him at that time, so I am feeling better. Still sexually frustrated, but better.
I picked up my new bras the other day and I think the hot pink one - which I wore yesterday - makes my tits look fabulous. New bras always lift my boobs and my spirits! I guess it actually added to my frustration though, in that I posted a pic on FetLife and got lots of loves but it didn't motivate DarkKnight or PunkRock to pay more attention to me, or like, you know, fuck me. Sigh.
I honestly know they are tired and not crazy horny but that they love me. I don't question that. It just sucks that physical touch is what I need to feel loved, and a huge part of that is knowing that my guys want to grab me and fuck me. When they go a couple of days without showing that desire, it puts me out of sorts. I feel like I am doing better, but I still need to work on shutting down my disappointment when they don't want me as much as I need them.
Anyway, today I am feeling upbeat and I'm working at being motivated to get stuff done around here. I bought tickets for DarkKnight and me to go see Age of Ultron tomorrow, as his birthday present (his birthday is next weekend) and I made a date with PunkRock to go grocery shopping tonight after dinner with me. DarkKnight and I leave for NY for an entire week on Sunday, so I need to get some food in the house for PunkRock and my kids. I figured PunkRock and I could shop together, so he can pick what he'd like to eat.
I have to ride with my son today to go get his car's oil changed - he doesn't know where to go - and run errands at the bank. My daughter has to be at work to bus tables starting at 4 pm, so I'll drop her 15 minutes early before heading on to what will hopefully be the final fitting for my wedding dress! So stoked about that!
Oh shit, I just realized that no one will be there to help me into my corset - I am going to have to wear it driving, which will be a new experience. I can sort of sit while in it, so hopefully it will work out!