starlight1
Active member
Happy Holidays for everyone celebrating! I am having a good xmas this year for myself, first one I haven't been majorly depressed about for the last 2 years. That's good, 3 years to recover from MAJOR loss is not a bad record. It's definitely progress.
I found my fur baby. Pictures soon!
I got a chow chow and german shepherd mix rescue from the local centre.
Both breeds are active dogs; I named him Simba from the lion king because of his long mane around his neck and his beige colouring.
Chows coming originally from china, and one of the oldest breeds are not the most intelligent, but he favours the shepherd side in this and can be a little pushy and stubborn too. He's also kind of quirky, he likes to lay down to eat his food lol.
Day three and we've had successful bathing, training to sit, look and respond to his name. We had a learning curve experience of not yet being able to let him off a lead, he ran off down the road and we spent about 30 mins tracking him down in a neighbors yard (It was hard because its a junk yard and he didn't even have a name yet from us. And wasn't responding to the one the shelter assigned him.)
He's two years old, with a right hind leg injury, and I must say I dote on him quite a bit.
I am very excited to keep working with him and it gives me a lot of joy. Even the routine walks are fun, though kind of scary in the dark because I Worry about wildlife out here in a way I never had to in the UK. And not just animal wildlife. LOL.
But javelines, scorpions, snakes, bats, pumas, and killers spiders, are all real concerns here. Also rabbits that haven't gone to bed yet can be equally as starting when he tries to go running after them haha.
I'm now looking into apprentice grooming jobs, part time. With my mom working full time, my gran working full time and my step dad moving into full time engineer work, it'll be nice to be part of the contribution. I still have some cash floating around from art but I'm..So. Sick. of Commissions. I can't even explain how sick I am of them. I don't sell as much original pieces on their own, so, I need to do commissions if this is my only work, so I'm putting back into hobby status even though I was succeeding with the work side because I don't want to keep doing commissions. Ugh.
The gallery/ studio I was a part of, i left on really good terms, they gave me wonderful recommendation to add to my resume, and said I was welcome to show with them any time. This made me pleased. I came and went on my terms. That's more progress! I still miss them all there, but it was a good trial run, and I'm more certain than ever that my love hate relationship with art is just not good for business long term. You can't run a business if you actively hate it part of the time, and i've just done this too long for the wrong reasons. Sigh. It's taken a lot of back and forth over the years to come to this conclusion. I will always be an artist, I will always do art, but I am no longer giving a fuck if i'm commerical and I don't have the physical health to push to the level it would need to be "famous". I'd always be local "famous" artist. And I know many artists who put in 60-80 hours a week, and then only get famous or known out of pure luck of winning a competition. I've placed my hat in the ring many times but frankly i'm far to business minded for a true traditional artist. I care more about my bottom line than if the painting is done like the Dutch masters or French masters (depending what style i'm doing). And I know this shames my teacher, and also myself but honestly, I can't be running that rodeo anymore.
So back to doing art for me, and if it makes it more famous than now? Great. If not. That's cool. Plus theress some capital needed to do some of these conquests as all the ways to get into galleres/shows etc usually require shipping/entrance fees and if you win flights otu there for the show. I think it costs more to be an artist than anything you get in return to be honest.
So now for relationships updates.
I'm meeting up Ariel this week, on the 29th. We're having a movie, girl time and shes seeing my house and dog. She's my other truly poly friend in the area. I am still on good terms with her husband, but we aren't friends. We moved into friendly acquaintance. We talk about her two poly relationships, her job, our fur babies, our mutual travel plans. And I enjoy her company.
With the other ladies I don't find myself missing any of their company except Ariel which I'll be happy to continue outside of the group. I still talk to Mindy, the other lady I mentioned in the last post that I had mixed feelings about because of her boy problems, and immaturity, and also siding with the people who wanted to out me from the group in the first place last summer.
In other ways she seems nice, she works on a hotline to help people, and she doesn't seem to understand her behaviour is not wanted, so i don't think any of this is done in a place of malice but a place of unable to stand up for what's right and so wants to please all people and instead pisses people off inadvertently. Which seems like very weird behaviour for someone trained in therapy lol.
As for Rocky, we have been talking almost daily on text, and we have a skype date to watch a movie in january. I'm enjoying the comfort, but find myself expecting little in the way of responsibility on his part. There's no real way to show he's actively involving me in his life unless we use facebook and after stringing me along before i'm not keen to add "public humiliation" to my list of failures with him, so I have not broached the subject. Maybe AFTER he shows up here next year, IF he does, then we'll talk about it.
Still no desire to date anyone else, and I'm generally happy with our conversations. I Was able to be real, and we had a few phone convos too where I broke down crying about all this and he said he wished he could just hold me and he was very very sorry again. I said it was probably just emotional overwhelm by a lot of stuff, not just him. Which is hte truth after november trigger month.
In my spare time now, I dote on three dogs, clean, cook, spend time with family, think of the small things i'm grateful for. Rereading wheel of time series (on book 6), and play multiple saves of dragon age origins with different types of personalities. Some men, some women, some chaotic neutral, some bad, some good. All with different love interests. Wish this game had been progressive and allowed poly instead of dialogues that make you choose early on. and a shame morrigan doesn't like women or can't be persuaded to. lol.
Oh and last but not least, I spoke to Rosebud today, for xmas, and Shooting star spent 30 mins talking to me. I managed to field and redirect all intentionally incitive conversation points she said, and that went...if not good Ok.
It's difficult for me to explain her communication style other than...hostile? She says things like "I wish Rosebud hadn't forgiven you, because t would be much easier on her with me if she hadn't. I hate that she's forgiven you, I won;t."
"I find you incredibly weak and pathetic, you really can't do anything right, and God forbid if you say anything in retort to that I'm hanging up." And yes she uses words like retort.
I guess its hard to stay upset on my end when i'm proud of her language. But i'm hurt she hates me so much. I get it - in her mind I abandoned her. But she also knows the reasons? the lease on my house was up, I wasn't approved for future housing arrangement through the government. But the system there won't allow you to move up in the world without help from others, and if you don't have that the only choice in the government. That's why so many people live at home till their 30's there and save up to buy a home. So I looked at my options and chose a home in america. I also wasn't going to spend another xmas away from them and my family; I'll have plenty of that sort of alone time when I am older and my kids are grown and my family are no longer around- why would I subject myself to that now when I can at least spend some more years left with them? I love my grandma in particular dearly and it's helped this xmas a lot to be living with her.
But we spoke so that's something, and as usual my convo with Rosebud was wonderful, she chatted on and on about her gifts and travels and multiple xmas' celebrations (I think 4 of them.)
Life in mostly good.
I found my fur baby. Pictures soon!
I got a chow chow and german shepherd mix rescue from the local centre.
Both breeds are active dogs; I named him Simba from the lion king because of his long mane around his neck and his beige colouring.
Chows coming originally from china, and one of the oldest breeds are not the most intelligent, but he favours the shepherd side in this and can be a little pushy and stubborn too. He's also kind of quirky, he likes to lay down to eat his food lol.
Day three and we've had successful bathing, training to sit, look and respond to his name. We had a learning curve experience of not yet being able to let him off a lead, he ran off down the road and we spent about 30 mins tracking him down in a neighbors yard (It was hard because its a junk yard and he didn't even have a name yet from us. And wasn't responding to the one the shelter assigned him.)
He's two years old, with a right hind leg injury, and I must say I dote on him quite a bit.
I am very excited to keep working with him and it gives me a lot of joy. Even the routine walks are fun, though kind of scary in the dark because I Worry about wildlife out here in a way I never had to in the UK. And not just animal wildlife. LOL.
But javelines, scorpions, snakes, bats, pumas, and killers spiders, are all real concerns here. Also rabbits that haven't gone to bed yet can be equally as starting when he tries to go running after them haha.
I'm now looking into apprentice grooming jobs, part time. With my mom working full time, my gran working full time and my step dad moving into full time engineer work, it'll be nice to be part of the contribution. I still have some cash floating around from art but I'm..So. Sick. of Commissions. I can't even explain how sick I am of them. I don't sell as much original pieces on their own, so, I need to do commissions if this is my only work, so I'm putting back into hobby status even though I was succeeding with the work side because I don't want to keep doing commissions. Ugh.
The gallery/ studio I was a part of, i left on really good terms, they gave me wonderful recommendation to add to my resume, and said I was welcome to show with them any time. This made me pleased. I came and went on my terms. That's more progress! I still miss them all there, but it was a good trial run, and I'm more certain than ever that my love hate relationship with art is just not good for business long term. You can't run a business if you actively hate it part of the time, and i've just done this too long for the wrong reasons. Sigh. It's taken a lot of back and forth over the years to come to this conclusion. I will always be an artist, I will always do art, but I am no longer giving a fuck if i'm commerical and I don't have the physical health to push to the level it would need to be "famous". I'd always be local "famous" artist. And I know many artists who put in 60-80 hours a week, and then only get famous or known out of pure luck of winning a competition. I've placed my hat in the ring many times but frankly i'm far to business minded for a true traditional artist. I care more about my bottom line than if the painting is done like the Dutch masters or French masters (depending what style i'm doing). And I know this shames my teacher, and also myself but honestly, I can't be running that rodeo anymore.
So back to doing art for me, and if it makes it more famous than now? Great. If not. That's cool. Plus theress some capital needed to do some of these conquests as all the ways to get into galleres/shows etc usually require shipping/entrance fees and if you win flights otu there for the show. I think it costs more to be an artist than anything you get in return to be honest.
So now for relationships updates.
I'm meeting up Ariel this week, on the 29th. We're having a movie, girl time and shes seeing my house and dog. She's my other truly poly friend in the area. I am still on good terms with her husband, but we aren't friends. We moved into friendly acquaintance. We talk about her two poly relationships, her job, our fur babies, our mutual travel plans. And I enjoy her company.
With the other ladies I don't find myself missing any of their company except Ariel which I'll be happy to continue outside of the group. I still talk to Mindy, the other lady I mentioned in the last post that I had mixed feelings about because of her boy problems, and immaturity, and also siding with the people who wanted to out me from the group in the first place last summer.
In other ways she seems nice, she works on a hotline to help people, and she doesn't seem to understand her behaviour is not wanted, so i don't think any of this is done in a place of malice but a place of unable to stand up for what's right and so wants to please all people and instead pisses people off inadvertently. Which seems like very weird behaviour for someone trained in therapy lol.
As for Rocky, we have been talking almost daily on text, and we have a skype date to watch a movie in january. I'm enjoying the comfort, but find myself expecting little in the way of responsibility on his part. There's no real way to show he's actively involving me in his life unless we use facebook and after stringing me along before i'm not keen to add "public humiliation" to my list of failures with him, so I have not broached the subject. Maybe AFTER he shows up here next year, IF he does, then we'll talk about it.
Still no desire to date anyone else, and I'm generally happy with our conversations. I Was able to be real, and we had a few phone convos too where I broke down crying about all this and he said he wished he could just hold me and he was very very sorry again. I said it was probably just emotional overwhelm by a lot of stuff, not just him. Which is hte truth after november trigger month.
In my spare time now, I dote on three dogs, clean, cook, spend time with family, think of the small things i'm grateful for. Rereading wheel of time series (on book 6), and play multiple saves of dragon age origins with different types of personalities. Some men, some women, some chaotic neutral, some bad, some good. All with different love interests. Wish this game had been progressive and allowed poly instead of dialogues that make you choose early on. and a shame morrigan doesn't like women or can't be persuaded to. lol.
Oh and last but not least, I spoke to Rosebud today, for xmas, and Shooting star spent 30 mins talking to me. I managed to field and redirect all intentionally incitive conversation points she said, and that went...if not good Ok.
It's difficult for me to explain her communication style other than...hostile? She says things like "I wish Rosebud hadn't forgiven you, because t would be much easier on her with me if she hadn't. I hate that she's forgiven you, I won;t."
"I find you incredibly weak and pathetic, you really can't do anything right, and God forbid if you say anything in retort to that I'm hanging up." And yes she uses words like retort.
I guess its hard to stay upset on my end when i'm proud of her language. But i'm hurt she hates me so much. I get it - in her mind I abandoned her. But she also knows the reasons? the lease on my house was up, I wasn't approved for future housing arrangement through the government. But the system there won't allow you to move up in the world without help from others, and if you don't have that the only choice in the government. That's why so many people live at home till their 30's there and save up to buy a home. So I looked at my options and chose a home in america. I also wasn't going to spend another xmas away from them and my family; I'll have plenty of that sort of alone time when I am older and my kids are grown and my family are no longer around- why would I subject myself to that now when I can at least spend some more years left with them? I love my grandma in particular dearly and it's helped this xmas a lot to be living with her.
But we spoke so that's something, and as usual my convo with Rosebud was wonderful, she chatted on and on about her gifts and travels and multiple xmas' celebrations (I think 4 of them.)
Life in mostly good.