fluid bonding/bareback

It does go wrong for a very small minority of men. I know one of them. He had a previously unsuspected genetic thing. His body does not reabsorb some component what is produced inside, which can longer be ejaculated from the body. This gets infected, his own body defences attack it. He has had several severe infections over the years and still has perpetually painful swollen testicles. It ruined his marriage and wrecked his life.
Great....:rolleyes: Now I is skurd again!
 
Essure

Any of the ladies on the board have experience with Essure? It's a non-surgical technique where plastic coils are placed in the fallopian tubes - the coils cause scar tissue to form around them, thus sealing off the tubes. That's how it is advertised anyway. I'm considering this because 1) I don't want children, and 2) I believe hormonal birth control will mess up my health.
 
No personal experience, but I know women who have done it and are happy with it. When comparing tubal ligation and essure, here are the arguments I've heard:

Pro essure: No surgery needed (goes through the vagina) and therefore no scars and less intrusive

against essure: takes 3 months before it works (you need to keep using birth control in the meantime) then the test to check if it worked (filling your uterus with a liquid and checking if it goes in the tubes too) is said to be painful.
I also heard a few stories of women whose tubes were too small for the procedure to be considered effective (either too tight to it wouldn't fit, or too short so not enough would fit).

I think the rates of success are similar but slightly lower for essure (that is, more women who had essure as opposed to a tubal ligation got pregnant, but by a very small margin). Essure is also more reversible than a tubal ligation.

All in all, I've pretty much only heard good things about both procedures themselves. However, it seems to take years to find someone willing to do it, so good luck if you decide to take that route!
 
Essure continued

Well, condoms have worked fine for me so far - all of my partners have partners so I certainly plan to continue using condoms. So the three month waiting period is not an issue for me.

But it took years to arrange for Essure or tubal ligation!?! Why? Were the doctors concerned about sterilizing young women who might regret it? This is disturbing to hear.
 
But it took years to arrange for Essure or tubal ligation!?! Why? Were the doctors concerned about sterilizing young women who might regret it? This is disturbing to hear.

Many, many doctors said they would only do it to a woman who was:

- married
- had kids (some doctors said 2, some doctors said 4)
- older (some doctors said 30, some said 35, some even said 40. At this point you might as well wait for menopause!)

Doctors are extremely reluctant, they keep emphasizing that it's permanent, and "what if you change your mind in a few years?". It's really annoying because having a child is permanent as well, and changing your mind in a few years has worse consequences.

Just be strong, knowledgeable about your options and confident in your choice and you'll raise your chances. But there are women who have had to lie and pretend they had children to get it done because everyone else told them they wouldn't do it. And there are women who had children who were also refused because they were too young or didn't have enough children (a mother of one was told once "what if your kid died?").

It apparently really depends on the doctor, so I would go on a forum that's about that (maybe a childfree forum, or a contraception forum, or something like that) and see if you can get an address from a doctor who will do it. As I recall people were exchanging these addresses like crazy, both addresses in Europe and North America. Some people ended up going to the next state or the next country because that was the closest that they knew would do it.

Not trying to scare you here, just be prepared, you might find someone who won't be against doing it.

Oh, I almost forgot, I seem to remember that a tubal is covered in more places than essure is.
 
This is a conversation we are currently having.

Lobster and I have 4 kids, all we had planned, and the last 2 are 14 months apart. After throwing the test at his head and yelling, we decided that after her birth he would get snipped. We also decided that should I have to have a c-section (I didn't) I would get "fixed" at the same time. He and I have never used condoms, even in high school and had several miscarriages in the process of having our brood. We are both very done with having children. Monster, however only has 1 child and was considering a second with his wife before their decision to separate. He has said that he would be snipped no problem but Lobster feels that that's a rush decision.

At this time we are a closed group, neither of them thinking of another partner, and I'm quite content with my boys. However Lobster wonders if a vasectomy would not be fair for Monster because he might later find someone and want to have more children. Neither of them is in favor of me having surgery unless it is a medical must. However due to my own medical issues and a high sensitivity to condoms, and anything latex, condoms are very difficult for me. I am looking into alternative forms of bc for me, but am very concerned about an accidental pregnancy. My in-laws will probably never know of our life because of their beliefs and explaining that would warrant a reaction close to epic proportions.

When I thought of this conversation, I never would have thought that my Lobster would be concerned that Monster was making a choice for me rather then for himself..it's a moment of overwhelming love that reminds me that we have gone down the right road!
 
Any of the ladies on the board have experience with Essure? It's a non-surgical technique where plastic coils are placed in the fallopian tubes - the coils cause scar tissue to form around them, thus sealing off the tubes. That's how it is advertised anyway. I'm considering this because 1) I don't want children, and 2) I believe hormonal birth control will mess up my health.


Hormonal birth control messed me up big time. I ended up having several ovarian cyst rupture, two that nearly took my life. As a result of these ruptures I also got major scarring on my tubes and they got blocked. It is the most painful thing I have ever dealt with. Getting properly laid was out of the question because to deep or to hard was excruciating. I since have had the scar tissue surgically removed, and things are better, for the moment, but I simply cannot imagine getting the scar tissue on purpose! I have never even heard of this before. I cant wrap my head around it! OW! :confused:
 
Oh, Ohiogrl, that sounds god-awful. I am so sorry you had to deal with that - and I am so glad you survived, and are hopefully thriving.

I suspect, but don't know, that the scarring Essure promotes is different from the traumatic scarring you endured. Something to check when I speak with a doctor.

Tonberry, thanks for the suggestion to check out childfree forums - they've been very helpful.
 
Just curious... How long from introduction to fluid bonding?

I'm in the process of becoming fluid bonded with a couple. Everyone has had the testing done, but one person is avoiding getting the actual paperwork.

This has delayed the actual fluid bonding approximately one month-so far. This weekend, I found out that the delay was mainly due to this partner's opinion that the fluid bonding discussion/process went "too fast."

I'm curious. Actual experience only... not opinions.... How quickly, has this process taken... for you.. (and you and you and you..) from first meeting to fluid bonding...

This felt fast to me. I'm willing to wait. I'm learning a lot about safe sex practices... so the delay has been educational. But after this weekend's comment, I'm wondering what the average is.
 
Maca, GG and I are fluid bonded.
But for someone new....
Idk how long it will take.
We've been discussing this recently.

Maca didn't know much about how long it can take for STI's to show up as a positive.
Also-so many aren't tested for unless you ask, and we found out that the local place doesn't TELL you that they aren't testing for EVERYTHING-unless you ask either.
So people get "clean" paperwork, but it only means that they are clean for 3 things that the place tested for...

Ironically-neither of which is herpes... Ironic to me, cause I'd think people would want to know.

Anyway-This topic is really under my skin right now.
 
For me it's been different with everyone I've ever been bonded with. For my husband, Wolf, it took approximately 7 months from the time we met to our first experience w/o condoms. Mind you we are high school sweethearts and were teenagers. With Wendigo, it took 3-4 years before we ever discussed being intimate and once we knew that we were going to start being intimate it was another couple of months before we were fluid bonded.
 
I actually never used condoms with either Rag or Sean. With Rag I was tested while we were apart (seven months occurred between the time we became a couple and the time we met in person) and he was a virgin. Sean was also tested before we met in person.
I guess it's an "up" of meeting long distance, you have time to get tested without even needing to do the "time without condoms" part. Of course we also didn't get any sex at all for months, so I'm not sure how much of an "up" it really is >.>.

Anyways, with a partner I met in person? I'd count 3 months since that's how long it takes before you can detect stuff, then testing of everyone (extended network) then once we have the results we're good.
Looks like I'm faster than most people here. I can't imagine using condoms for seven months, for me it's really a "casual sex" kind of thing, for someone I have sex irregularly or don't trust to use condoms with others if they sleep around.

If I had a partner I met with regularly but not often (say, a few times a year), I don't think I'd ever want to be fluid bonded with them, I'd just use condoms every time.
 
I'm in the process of becoming fluid bonded with a couple. Everyone has had the testing done, but one person is avoiding getting the actual paperwork.

This has delayed the actual fluid bonding approximately one month-so far. This weekend, I found out that the delay was mainly due to this partner's opinion that the fluid bonding discussion/process went "too fast."

I'm curious. Actual experience only... not opinions.... How quickly, has this process taken... for you.. (and you and you and you..) from first meeting to fluid bonding...

This felt fast to me. I'm willing to wait. I'm learning a lot about safe sex practices... so the delay has been educational. But after this weekend's comment, I'm wondering what the average is.
So far about 3 years and still used condoms......The relationship before, was 4 years and still used condoms for me.....But L's bf was good to go w/o. Mainly, this is all due to the fact that I am not snipped....and neither was the other woman. L has had her tubes tied.
 
Maca, GG and I are fluid bonded.
But for someone new....
Idk how long it will take.
We've been discussing this recently.

Maca didn't know much about how long it can take for STI's to show up as a positive.
Also-so many aren't tested for unless you ask, and we found out that the local place doesn't TELL you that they aren't testing for EVERYTHING-unless you ask either.
So people get "clean" paperwork, but it only means that they are clean for 3 things that the place tested for...

Ironically-neither of which is herpes... Ironic to me, cause I'd think people would want to know.

Anyway-This topic is really under my skin right now.

"Everything" is everything the MD thinks to test.... not necessarily everything that is out there. And (hypothetically) if something new is lurking out there... there may not be test for it yet. (think AIDS in 1980 or Hep C in 1997) So just saying I want to be tested for everything .... isn't adequate. Like most things, if we are better informed, we get better information.

This is part of the issue. I found a place that tests for 8 specific infections.. I'm not seeing a specific wait time --- long enough for the antigens to show up in the blood stream. (from exposure to detection). Maybe that varies by bug.... errr.. infectious agent.

(Comprehensive 8 Test Panel
Tests included in the 8 Test Panel:
Chlamydia Nucleic Acid Amplification Test (NAA)
Gonorrhea Nucleic Acid Amplification Test (NAA)
Hepatitis B Surface Antigen
Hepatitis C Surface Antibody Test (Anti-HCV)
Herpes Simplex Virus Type I IgG Tests (HerpeSelect (R))
Herpes Simplex Virus Type II IgG Tests (HerpeSelect (R))
HIV-1 Antibody Test with Reflex to Western Blot Confirmation Syphilis
Rapid Plasma Reagin (RPR) Test with Reflex to Quantitative RPR and Confirmatory TP-PA)


Several places will do the testing for $389. Additional tests add to the cost. I ran through my family doctor, and insurance paid for a chunk of it.
 
I get Hepititis B and C, as well as an HIV test every 6 months just so I can fight in MMA matches. I have to get other tests so that I can have fights with other women. :p LOL
 
Claire
Precisely!!!

But so many people are unaware.

I went through and made a list and gave it to Maca and GG.
It hadn't occurred to either of them that the Dr wasn't the "expert" who would test for everything.

I talked to the people at our local health nurses office, they do the testing for damn near anyone for free-but they don't test for anything except AIDS, Gonnoreah (spelling)
Clamydia

They TELL THESE KIDS and adults that they are "clean" and then those people are out screwing around-but the truth is they aren't necessarily clean.

Since I have herpes, I've done a shitload of research on it and am well aware that it's VERY VERY prevalent and easy to share.
But here these people are running around CLUELESS.

Pisses me off.

The polygroup here has had a number of "scares" within the last year that I've personally heard about from members-due to how NOT careful or educated people are. I'm not even sexually involved with ANY of them, but I hear about it.

Freaking FRUSTRATING.
 
Recently at the local poly meeting, a friend made an announcement-- okay a Public Service Announcement. Apparently, some in the local poly community are giving unprotected blow jobs outside of their poly-fi/fluid bonded relationships. These are dangerous to the women giving, who can pick up an STD, and transmit it to other members of their fluid-bonded group.

Apparently, the old timers as well as the newbies are taking this risk.

Let's be careful out there...

(Re: testing for "everything") I think a large part of the issue is cost.... People want the MD to run every possible test. But the MD is running the most common tests..(unless there are symptoms...)
 
You can also pick up STDs if you're the blowee. While HIV is really, really rarely transmitted this way, there are lots of other STDs and STIs that are transmitted through oral, and both ways. The giver (be it blowjobs or cuni) is more at risk than the receiver, but both are.

I have heard of people forsaking protection for oral, and the reasoning is usually that HIV is barely transmittable that way. Sure, but there are lots of other STDs and STIs, people, so be careful! As much as I think the taste is an integral part of a blowjob, I certainly wouldn't recommend doing it without a condom unless you're safely fluid bonded.
 
Last time I saw my lover, D (formerly known as the boytoy, but no longer, since he is more than a toy and ppl were misunderstanding here), when he arrived we were making out standing in the kitchen, naked. His penis was getting dangerously close to my vulva, so I lifted it up between our bellies and whispered, "Be careful, baby, you might make me pregnant."

A few minutes later, we were showering together before bedroom activities, and he murmured, "It would be great if you could have your tubes tied someday, so we could go at it bareback."

Funny boy! I had to tell him I could not longer get pregnant. Does he forget I am 55? lol. It was endearing. I had to re-explain we use condoms to protect against diseases. And my gf doesn't want me to get fluid bonded w D because it's her little way of asserting her primacy. D said, "That's cool," and we went safely on from there.
 
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