The mood swings continue! Last night ended up being good in the end. I texted a bunch with Flame, and he talked me up enough from crashing and burning that I was in good enough shape to drive home from work. I love that I can just text him “tell me some nice things” without having to explain that I’m starting to doom spiral, and he’ll come back with all kinds of poetical shit. He is very much a kindred soul.
Later, I realized why everything crashed so abruptly and so hard. I’m hormonal because I’m ovulating. Of course, the way I realized this was the abrupt stabbing pain from my kidney to my stomach later in the evening, followed by the annoying cyst pain that will probably last a day or three. Stupid body. Why do you do this to me. I don’t want babies.
After I got home, I was texting with Purr and she wanted to know if I wanted to come over. I was still in a bad enough place that I kind of didn’t, so I told her that I was still decompressing and to give me a couple of hours. I ended up going over when I felt better and we did some snuggling and talking that progressed, after her kids went to bed, into making out and talking. The talking covered a lot of everything. Our feelings for each other and what they are and aren’t, what we’re looking for in relationships, what turns us on, all that good stuff. It was quite nice.
When I couldn’t justify keeping her up any longer, I came home and played some Cataclysm DDA for a couple of hours before cuddling Guitarist awake. We did some talking and reconnecting and sex, and I went to bed feeling pretty good.
Cue nightmares. I think I slept six hours, all of which involved dreaming about my entire family being stuck inside a burning building that I couldn’t rescue them from. I woke up sick to my stomach from sleep-stress. Guitarist came out from his office all bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, and ‘query: more sex,’ but I had to turn him down because I was really, REALLY not feeling it. I’m not a morning person, so sometimes in the morning I’ll let him initiate even when I'm not that into it because I know that as we’re going on I’ll get very into it. Not this morning. I just wasn’t in the right headspace.
Instead while I was getting coffee around we started talking more about poly stuff, touching base after my (first) solo make-out with Purr last night. He’s feeling good, I’m feeling good, we’re both feeling good together. Four thumbs up.
We also both agree that we don’t want to transition to seeing Purr as a threesome all the time. Purr is down with any combination of seeing us, as long as it’s often. I very much need alone time to have meaningful relationships, even though the three-way making out of a few days ago was pretty hot. There were some minor concerns from Guitarist regarding the future and scheduling with Purr, but very much in the nature of bridges we’ll cross if we come to them. Very reassuring stuff, and I was feeling pretty good after.
But wait, there's more! In the middle of that conversation, Dad called and went to voicemail. He’s clearly very upset and was asking for me to give him a ride somewhere. My instinct is to call him back, talk to him, comfort him, but I know that his being upset at mom very quickly turns into picking a fight with me and being upset with me, so… no. I can't even right now. Also I suspect the needing a ride thing is just an excuse to have a captive audience in a car for a while, because he has a perfectly functional truck. I’ll give him a few hours to calm down before I call him back. My mood dropped back down all the same, so I’m now hovering around mildly depressed.
Tonight, my friend from college that I met up with at the concert on Wednesday (I’ll call him Thrash) is going to be in town for a concert here in Small City. He wanted to know if I was planning on going. I wasn’t, but I told him that if he’s going, I’ll come out. It’s at the ‘usual’ venue where we’ve seen concerts together many times before, and after the usual venue show we usually go out for breakfast afterward at the 24-hour mom-and-pop breakfast place across the street. I’m really more interested in the breakfast and talk time than the concert itself, but it should be fun anyway. If nothing else it will get me out of the house and out of my own head.