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I checked in with Old Friend and they texted right back, all systems go for today, arriving around 10. Glad it's a little later, since Punk was here til 11 last night lol. I've gotta get some dishes done and take a shower.
 
Woot woot! You go, girl! :D
Sorry things sort of dried up with Hippie (hopefully, things are okay on his end!), but I'm glad things are going well with Punk. Enjoy! :D
 
Sorry things didn't work out so well with Hippie, but I'm glad Punk shows such promise for you!
 
No word from Hippie yet... Weird.

But I did get to spend a nice 3 hours with Old Friend. It was a lovely connecting time, fun too. They got to finally meet miss pixi. We were physically intimate together, and she looked great in her lovely feminine outfits. She wanted me to take some photos, so I did, glamour shots. I hope she wants to start visiting regularly, as part of her growth towards some kind of transition. I personally am thinking they are gender fluid, like Eddie Izzard, more than completely on one side of the gender spectrum. miss pixi told me later, they are "cute, and easily passable."

I texted Punk to thank him for the road trip day, and he wrote back around 8pm, saying he had a great time too, and enjoys my knowledge and "ability to present it." (And he thought the sex was great too.) I am glad he enjoys my knowledge of Bible history in particular... many people are bored, or threatened by it when I talk about it!

I talked about the history of Satan, how this great demon was conflated from many different characters: The serpent in the Garden (was really the snake goddess Asherah), the shaytan (was a member of Yahweh's celestial court who appeared in the book of Job), Lucifer ("the light bringer" was an epithet for a historical Babylonian king, who was mocked by the exiled Judeans), Baalzebul was a god of Ekron (a neighboring enemy state to Judah-- Beelzubub was a disparaging nickname meaning Lord of the Flies), and the evil demon of the dualistic Persian religion, Angra Mainyu, also became a part of it. Later, in Roman times, the Horned God of the northern pagans was added to the mix!

So, he found all this interesting and impressive instead of boring. Big points for that. He seems to have a good deal of knowledge about various ancient religions as well, but not about Abrahamic ones, despite, or because of, being raised both Jewish and Catholic. We also had a difference of opinion about the moon! lol. He thinks it represents virginity and chastity, I think the phases of the moon represent the tripartate goddess of maiden, mother and crone. But we both found it romantic riding along beside us on our trip.

So, Darkwing couldn't make it here tonight as his wife signed them up to work on a Halloween thing at his kid's school. He seemed a little ticked she'd done that without consulting him. But family first! So we are meeting Thursday noon instead. When we talked yesterday morning he said he wanted to come over right then and there! I, personally, am glad for a sex break for a day! I never say that! But 2 days in a row with Punk, and the time with Old Friend yesterday have left me worn out. :)

I made plans to see Artist next Tuesday. We will see how that goes.
 
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I texted with Punk for a couple hours this afternoon and we set up plans for our next 2 dates, this Sunday doing whatever, and the following Saturday, which will be a live music show. :)
 
Darkwing just called me at 11:40 to say work was crazy and he wouldn't be able to make it at noon. Hmph, surely he could've let me know sooner. Well, truth be told, I wasn't really in the mood anyway. He's a swinger type, we haven't texted since the last time I saw him, except to schedule this aborted date. I thought there might be more interaction, since he'd said he'd like me to meet his wife and everything.

But right now, I feel kind of wrapped up in Punk, and the developing closeness with Old Friend, if she wants to keep visiting me on a regular basis. Also, I'm feeling a little disconnected with miss pixi what with all the fuss with new friends.

Plus, the disappointment, the complete blank of Hippie. We seemed all systems go, he didn't make the our date, and now he's just stopped talking, whereas we were texting happily and making all kinds of playtime plans almost daily before this. So annoying.

Then the up in the air nature of my thing with Artist, and her strange dating practices with men. I gotta take me-time and let all this social sexual energy become more organized in my brain and endocrine system.

And yet, today, another very interesting man just messaged me on OKC. If Artist and Hippie are out of the picture, maybe there is room for this guy. Gotta write back to him. :p :rolleyes:
 
Darkwing just called me at 11:40 to say work was crazy and he wouldn't be able to make it at noon. Hmph, surely he could've let me know sooner. Well, truth be told, I wasn't really in the mood anyway. He's a swinger type, we haven't texted since the last time I saw him, except to schedule this aborted date. I thought there might be more interaction, since he'd said he'd like me to meet his wife and everything.

But right now, I feel kind of wrapped up in Punk, and the developing closeness with Old Friend, if she wants to keep visiting me on a regular basis. Also, I'm feeling a little disconnected with miss pixi what with all the fuss with new friends.

Plus, the disappointment, the complete blank of Hippie. We seemed all systems go, he didn't make the our date, and now he's just stopped talking, whereas we were texting happily and making all kinds of playtime plans almost daily before this. So annoying.

Then the up in the air nature of my thing with Artist, and her strange dating practices with men. I gotta take me-time and let all this social sexual energy become more organized in my brain and endocrine system.

And yet, today, another very interesting man just messaged me on OKC. If Artist and Hippie are out of the picture, maybe there is room for this guy. Gotta write back to him. :p :rolleyes:

I love it, you're having ups and downs, and yet you're finding whose right for you. And half the fun is in the journey of finding connections. Enjoy your NRE of possibilities even if they don't all pan out. It's a fun moment for you Mags and I am excited for you. Have a virtual hug to help with rejection and getting right back up in that saddle.
 
Thanks, star, hugs back!

I wrote back to the OKC guy, waiting for a reply... he does mixed martial arts, he is pagan and kinky and bi, he is 6'5", he is literate, he prefers older women, our musical tastes are similar, and he has lots of tattoos. He is 34. His profile also insists he wants to actually meet people, not text endlessly. And he seems to dislike shallow people.

check
check
check
 
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I went and looked at my old blog, to see where I left off. I never finalized what happened with the 2 men I was seeing earlier this year.

I didn't even nickname one of them! He loves motorcycles so I will call him Biker. He is 69, youthful and fun and open minded. We dated on and off for about 5 months. He has some life issues so is taking an extended break from dating, but we chat sometimes. He says he thinks about me so much, and I reckon he'll come around again sooner or later. He's such a dear. He likes to hear about my dating adventures, and gets a little jealous in a cute way.

The other guy, Luka. Right after my last post, things got super weird and I broke up with him. Suffice to say, he seemed to be another Don Juan Narcissist. Ugh.

Right now, Punk is running late, but on his way to see me. :)

miss pixi and I had a great Halloween night. We decided against the party, it was an hour drive and we just werent feeling it. It was just going to be a low key thing, our friend lives in a communal type house, and they are all vegetarians and don't drink or smoke weed. :rolleyes: So we had an evening at home, but we got dressed up anyway. We had lots of trick or treaters, they were super cute. I was a witch and miss p was Pebbles Flintstone. She looked great. Once our doorbell stopped ringing, we watched some scary TV with snacks. We were flirty and sexy together.
 
Ahh, so my third date with Punk went just great. Excellent sex and kinky playtime. And then just hanging out with miss pixi, chatting about interests and planning projects.

I showed him my downstairs bathroom, which had flooded soon after we moved in. Our landlord did a crappy job of repairing it, leaving the damaged wall looking stupid, and he laid Pergo type flooring which is inappropriate for a bathroom!

Punk is a builder by trade and offered to tile the floor and add paneling over the damaged and badly repaired wall! All I have to do is pay for materials, and he will do the work for me for free. Wow, I am so thrilled at his offer. He has plenty of energy and seemed like he would enjoy the work. I just need to run the idea past the landlord.

I slept so well last night, better than I have in months, what with my sprained back this summer, and the stresses in my dating life with Artist, and Hippie ghosting, and the yearning I felt for the mostly absent busy Nick. I had 8 1/2 hours in the night and even napped later in the day for almost 3 hours. Whew! I am feeling much more human.

It gives me strength for the date tomorrow with Artist. She will come in the early evening. I have no idea how the conversation will go. I am fond of her, but her issues might be too much for me to handle. She is not truly poly, she is just getting out there and seeing what her options are for partners, and her communication skills do not seem to be what I need them to be to make this viable.

Then again I might just cave to her inner charm and kindness, and things might be fine. I am just keeping an open mind.
 
Meanwhile I just had a nice texting session with Punk, making plans for our Saturday date. He said if I am not sick of him yet, he will pick me up to go to see his friend's band.

It was cute how he had a twinge of fear I was "sick of him" lol. I told him I am fond of him, reassured him things are progressing nicely as far as I am concerned. :eek:

I told him we better leave time for sexy fun times too, and he agreed. :) I didn't tell him I was thinking he could spend the night once we get back to my place, but I am considering it, if it seems like a good idea by then.
 
So... I spent Tuesday evening with Artist. Time to vent. We spent some time doing normal stuff, chatting about this and that, had dinner and shared a bottle of wine she brought, looked at some of my artwork at her request. But most of the time was spent on the emotional troubles she's had.

She was laid off, or fired, from her job right after she and I had first met, for the most trivial of reasons. I knew she'd lost her job, but she'd never really told me the reason. Her boss knew she was going for needed surgery 3 days hence, and yet he laid her off anyway, knowing she would lose her insurance. She has had to pay for it out of pocket. She has some savings, but it was like the cost of buying a car. Then she had complications due to an allergic reaction to one of her meds, and had a set back with her healing, and that was scary for her until it was diagnosed and her med was changed.

But before that happened, right after surgery, she was feeling good and took the road trip with her possessive bf to NY, and he met her siblings and she met his son. She still doesnt seem to understand how that would seem encouraging to him just when she is trying to get him to be less possessive of her.

I told her that I felt really bad when I found out days after the fact, that she'd gone on the road trip with him. (She had led me to believe she was going alone.) I had told her that in chat, but the other night she finally said, "Oh, I hurt you. I am so sorry." I said, "Yeah, I don't know if you didn't tell me because you thought I wouldn't approve, or because you thought it was none of my business, or what."

When she had the setback with her meds, I was messaging her, wondering how I could help, and she just stopped talking to me, leaving me to worry. Once she felt better, she did message me saying when she is not feeling well, she tends to hunker down and soldier on alone.

So, both of those things caused me to feel distanced from her. Also, last time I saw her she said she hadn't told her bf that she and I were lovers, letting him think we were platonic friends. I guess he is jealous enough of the other male lovers she has, so she didn't want him to be aware of one more lover. But that also made me feel like chopped liver. He and I met once, he hung around her place when I arrived, and looked me over. Ugh. As if he is the primary making sure her "new friend" Mags is trustworthy.

Anyway, she still can't seem to get across to him that he is too possessive and too demanding of her time. I tried to get across to her, if she is going to be poly she needs to be able to have boundaries, know her needs, and be able to express them. She hasn't read anything about poly, so I told her about the books available, and the website More Than Two, which she then bookmarked on her tablet. She is so passive. She said one of the reasons she needs to get back to work (now that she is healed) is so bf doesn't think she has all this free time, that he can come take up. I said, jeez, even if you do have "free time," why can't you just tell him, "I can't see you until X day, before then I will be busy doing xyz, or just having me time, or whatever." But she just can't seem to do it!

She is 57, but the man is 69 and wants to move in. He wants a wife type person for his twilight years, obviously, and she just got out of a 30 year marriage and wants variety and fun with a number of partners, after feeling unattractive from the put downs of her emotionally abusive ex husband.
 
So, I asked her what she wanted from me. She finally said, to mentor her, to call her on her shit. Well, that is what I was trying to do... It was getting to be like 9:30 at this point (and I know she always falls asleep like a rock at 10). So, she started to get touchy feely. I was dreading that moment, because I just wasn't feeling good enough about her emotionally to go to the sexy place. I had to tell her that, speak it verbally, because she didn't seem to pick up that I wasn't returning the caresses.

Of course, she was disappointed, but what could I do? We cuddled for about 10 minutes. I didn't feel any sexual spark from the cuddling either. So, then I realized she was falling asleep. I said, you're getting sleepy. She said she was too tired to drive home. So I offered the guest room. I went and got it ready for her, and by the time I was done, she was fast asleep on the couch. I woke her, brought her to the bedroom and we hugged good night.

I went and spent an hour with miss pixi in the downstairs family room. Miss P had stayed down there the whole time to give me space to deal with Artist, she's a peach. Then I went to bed. Artist and I hadn't discussed what would happen in the morning, since she fell asleep so suddenly... When I got up at 6:15, she was gone.

After a bit I saw she had texted me around 5. She'd left around 3am.

So I spent time at work late morning and early afternoon, and it distracted me and helped me destress quite a bit. (I do childcare and cute kids tend to do that for me.) We played outside, walked in the woods, raked crunchy oak leaves, etc. Being in touch with nature always helps me.

Later in the day Artist and I messaged on Facebook some. She was very sad at how the evening had gone. Upset that I hadn't wanted to sex her or, failing that, sleep with her. I personally thought I'd gone above and beyond just talking about her troubles with her. Well, it's what I'd been wanting to do, try and help, but that didn't guarantee I'd be particularly turned on by any of it! I am more on the disgusted side, to be completely honest, although I didn't tell her that.

So then I asked her if she'd gone to morethantwo. She wrote back not seeming to know what that meant. I'd told her about that website and the books available to help her with her poly issues the previous night, and she'd even hooked up to our wifi to open it on her tablet to bookmark it. So I wrote, "More Than Two, the poly website." But then she didn't respond anymore.

So, I went on to try and have a normal evening with miss pixi. I felt I needed a treat, so we ordered in Chinese instead of cooking as we usually do. We enjoyed that, she went back downstairs to work on a project until it was time to watch Survivor together. And I got a text from.... Hippie! (to be continued...)
 
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Yes, right on top of dealing with all the Artist mess, Hippie decided to get back in touch. He was very very apologetic and contrite. On our first (only) date, and while texting earlier, he had told me he has anxiety depressive disorder, and that he was on meds for it. Well, I didn't mind that, as miss pixi has the same thing.

I swear, I am the only person I know who doesn't have a mental disorder. I guess, since I am artistic and alternative, I am drawn to others like me, but many creative types are on the edge of "madness"? I don't know... I've got a large swatch of organized 1950s housewife in me, lol. I am pretty stable and balanced. I just need to point out, I do choose to hang out with highly intelligent creative type people, and they do tend to have these... issues! It's on me to choose to hang with people like this.

So.

Hippie had had a bad bout of depression, despite his meds. Right after he couldn't make our 2nd date, he'd taken to his bed, turned off his phone and computer. Stayed there 4 days. And I guess it took another week past that to feel adjusted enough to get back in touch.

Well, I was happy to hear from him, since the not knowing had been very frustrating. However, since it had been about 11 days since he broke our date, my feelings were starting to scab over, I was letting go of it. But here he is again.

He was very nice. He was funny and endearing and slightly sexy. He wants to resume. He is so so sorry. I did say, if this ever happens again, please just text me one word, like, "depressed." He said, "I will. For sure. I promise."

I told him I am willing to give it another go. So then we kind of were talking about what step to take next. I said, well, do we start over, or take up where we left off? He said he like to take up where we left off, it hasn't been that many days.

At this point I was feeling wrung out (him on top of the Artist stuff). So I said, OK, cutie, let me sleep on it. He said, "Sure, take your time. I'm ok with either outcome. Whatever you're more comfortable with.
Have a lovely night."

I had told Hippie about how Punk and I met, clicked and had had 3 dates since Hippie disappeared, and one more imminent. He said he was happy for me. I didn't tell him how I'd just gone through the wringer with Artist though.

So now I will let all this stuff simmer a bit and see what I want to do about it, Artist, and Hippie. I guess I am tending to want to pull back with Artist, really. She is seeming more trouble than she's worth. She had asked me to go to a live music show with her on the 21st, but I don't know... maybe since I wouldn't sex her or sleep with her, she is changing her mind on that, ha.
 
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I'm sorry things have become so difficult with Artist. It sounds like she has a lot of needs to address, and like she's expecting other people to address them for her. (Sorry if that's harsh; I'm just going with my impression of what you said here.) And if she's tangled up with Mr. Possessive, it might be better for you to step aside rather than continuing to try to get her to see how unhealthy that situation is.

In my mind, it's similar to what I had to do with S2 when he started telling me about his girlfriend's demands and pressurey behavior. I perceived her actions and words that he told me about as emotionally abusive, but since some of her crap included telling S2 that I was trying to break them up, I knew I wouldn't be able to tell S2 what I was perceiving. And I also knew that because I still care about him, I wouldn't be able to spend time with him or even talk to him, because he would keep talking about his girlfriend and I would reach a point where I wouldn't be able to keep my mouth shut about my opinion of her behavior. So I had to tell him I wouldn't be keeping in contact with him for a while, which hurt like hell but at least left the door open for me to be his emotional support if needed (since I was the only one he ever trusted enough to talk to when he needed emotional support).

It might be like that in some ways for you with Artist; you care about her and want her to be happy and in a healthy situation, you're unable to get her to take the steps you believe would lead her to a happy, healthy situation, and you're expending a huge amount of energy trying to help her when she isn't willing to do her share of helping herself. I'm getting from your posts that it would be difficult for you to cut back or cut her out of your life, but also that for your own sake and well-being, you might need to, at least for a while.

I'm glad Hippie has resurfaced! Hopefully he'll stick to his promise and you and he will be able to move forward if that's what you want to do.
 
Thanks for the feedback KC. Yes, I think you're right about Artist, time to take a step back. I am not pushing her to change or grow, that is up to her. A little reading, time and experience should help her, but I don't know if I want to hear all about her struggles with her guys... It's stressful. Maybe as a platonic friend. I feel so much less attracted to her now. :(

Now my body is trying to switch back into NRE for Hippie... is it OK to have excitement for him again? my hormones are asking. Guarded NRE, going forth with a grain of salt. I want to have fun, but be sensible about his issues. Everyone has issues, and/or health problems of one kind or another. I feel that as one gains experience in polyamory, NRE can be filtered through a glass of reality, so you don't get all swept away and stupid.

Punk also has health issues and he has been upfront about them. None of this trying to put one's very best foot forward, only to be blindsided when reality shows up, happening here. ha

... Just texting now pleasantly with Punk and Hippie. I am wondering now when I will get to see Hippie again. He's at work today (glad he can work again!). Maybe we will talk tonight about meeting again? Hippie messaged me first. That is nice. I always message Punk first, but he always responds immediately and friendly-like, which is also acceptable.

Good thing Darkwing hasn't tried to schedule me in again this week. Not a word from him. I am polysaturated now. Of course, Nick the Perfect is absent as usual. I guess I won't see him again unless I really push for it. Oh well, it's a lovely memory...
 
I texted with Hippie from work last night a little, just about the cute kids I was sitting. He likes kids (points for that). This morning I texted him again, and told him I was feeling ready to set up a date. He responded right away. So we are meeting in 2 days, on Sunday. I will have him come here, and we will take up where we left off. I had talked it over with miss pixi and she recommended resuming as if there hadn't been the break. I feel I might as well. I was fantasizing a lot about him last night... I admit I am very attracted to him, his looks, his sense of humor, intelligence, etc. And I don't forget the hot clinch we had in his car. No denying the chemistry.

I am seeing Punk tomorrow night. Miss pixi will be at an overnight at her bf's. Punk and I plan on sex and live music. So, dates with my new guys, NRE sex 2 nights in a row. I hope I survive. :eek::p

Maybe next weekend I should have them both come over on the same night! lol. Actually Punk has expressed an interest in MFM more than once. And I know Hippie is also an exhibitionist/voyeur. Well, I am just kidding about next weekend. I want to see what builds with both guys individually first.
 
miss pixi was late in scheduling her medical checkup, so went 4 days without her antidepressants. She was starting to get depressed and anxious, but she had her checkup and got back on her meds, and is OK again.

Hippie, of course, had his depressive episode and dropped out for 11 days. He is feeling better and is coming here today at noon, gods willing.

Last night I was supposed to see Punk, but he is also between doctors and off HIS meds for his bipolar, which is tied to IBS. So he didn't feel well enough to see me last night! I sure hope he can get up the energy to make calls and find a new dr on his insurance this week!

Talk about widespread panic.

Also, miss pixi's bf cancelled on her yesterday, for their overnight, due to food poisoning. lol

So, she and I got to spend the evening with each other! Which was super fun and romantic. We had a fire in the indoor fireplace, laid on the floor with blankets and lots of pillows, snacks and drinks, and lots and lots of music. We enjoy sharing our TV and movie night dates, but had been wanting a tech free evening. So glad we did it, it was delightful, connecting and bonding.

I've hardly heard from Artist since our sort of date. She FB messaged me twice the day after, and said she'd keep in touch, but she isn't. As I expected. I think we are done. Good.
 
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