No need for an intro.
Looking back on the post of yesterday I would like to apoligize for some of the things I said in haste and in frustration, with fear and a loathing of my own actions that have led me and Midnightsun to the point we are now. I am sorry for the things that I said, I am honestly looking for help in this matter from the ones that have the life experiences and are willing to share them with us. For those of you who are still willing to give us this advice, MS and I look forward to recieving and using this knowledge to rebuild us and our relationship slowly and deliberately into what it needs to become, and stay in the future.
Communication has been only one of the things that has gone astray in our marriage, I do believe that over time I had become resentful of things, more than I was willing to admit. In turn taking advantage of gifts that my wife bestowed upon me. I got caught up in the animalistic physical act with others and left my responsibility for her behind in the wake of my own selfishness and useless needs. I accept responsibility for this . Even if she had been or was on her own self destructive path, I should have been able to identify this and help put and end to it, not facilitate and use it as a means of taking that which I do believe and hold sacred.
On more than one occasion, she had expressed these needs to me. I, in one moment saw them for what they honestly were, I swear I did, only to get selfish and irresponsible when any opprotunity arose and in turn put my needs above hers. I cannot begin to describe the pain that I have realized this all caused, the guilt I now feel. I love my wife, I took advantage of her gift to me . Ive betrayed her trust and led her into places that are inexcusable and I will have to make up for this in the future .
To my bride and the love of my life I am so very sorry. Sorry for the hurt that I have caused you and the memories that it has left you with. Sorry for the selfishness on my part and my not being strong enough to control myself and do what it was that need to be done, and that was caring for you ... I failed you and I failed myself. I would like to also say that I am the luckiest man alive to be married to this woman, she is a beautiful, smart and amazing person! I owe you so much my love, so very much and want nothing more than to rebuild what it is that we have misplaced and misusd, even stronger than we had it before.
In closing I would like to only say that I know there are those of you who may not understand why or how this could have happened, I am willing to answer any and all questions you may have for me about my part in this along the way. I do work a shift that holds me at the opposite of most people so dont think Im avoiding you it may take me a day or so to catch up. Thank you for your posting , once again I was angry at myself more than anything yesterday, those of you that I thought had been unfair were actually for the most part being honest and trying to help and not hinder.
thank you all for your posts your time
and effort as well.
Stewy.