lizardqueen
New member
Hi I'm new to the whole idea of poly, but I think this might be how I was always hard wired which has caused me much turmoil over the years. Need opinions from people knowledgable in this. I'm about to be 30 years old. I've tried mongamy many times. I've always been hyper sexual but could not relate to other women who seem to be promiscuous because of a devalued self worth or insecurity. I've always been very secure with myself and have high self esteem. I can't relate to the insecurities girls obsess about. I have felt slight tinges of jealousy maybe as a teen but not much jealousy or possesiveness here at all. I'm definitely an empath and love making deeper connections with people. I'm not shallow at all. I feel if someone I have a connection with is expercing a connection with someone else in anyway whether it be emotional or physical it doesn't bother me because I care and love others so much I want to see them fulfilled and happy. I believe every connection is different and mine I have with them is special and unique so I have nothing to be jealous of. I wish to have connections with multiple people. It seems silly to be satisfied by only one. We have multiple friends to satisfy different aspects of our personalities. I'm in a mongamous relationship and I have self control and am very loyal, but I constantly desire relations with others to the point I go into deep depressions, but I love my boyfriend so much I cannot hurt him. He knows all this but cannot relate. He's accepting but is truly mongamous and for me to experience relationships with others we'd have to break up. I'm wondering if I am a polyamous person? I'm extremely conflicted about what to do. My relationship is amazing except intense building sexual frustration.