New to Forum, not new to lifestyle.

As I have written these thoughts out in a form that I can re-read and examine in detail, the responses and counter responses….
…I have come to a rather startling epiphany.

It is beginning to become clear to myself that it is the WOMAN in the Male/Female/Male ‘V’ poly relationship that is taking advantage ( abuse? ) of basic, systemic realities of culture, anthropology and societal norms….to greatly enhance her own emotional and sexual well being; while having little or no sympathy and/or concern for the plight of the multitude of men who seek, desire and possibly rely on the poly female’s affection, attention and love.

When my partner reads that last paragraph….I sincerely hope there is a discussion….and not just a fight………wish me luck.

Do you realise what a misogynistic bunch of crap that sounds like? If you think your wife has no sympathy for your situation, then that's a separate issue altogether. Men who 'rely' on female affection, attention and love? You sound like one of those pick-up artist idiots who think that women owe them sex. That right there is your problem. No one owes you a relationship. Grow up.

The poly female is not rare. I seem to find as many as poly males. male-female-male setups are just one of many possible poly configurations. The majority of poly relationships I have experienced and encountered within my community have actually been more like female-male-female V's and triads. So *some* poly guys are actually doing rather well in the face of all the same obstacles that you speak about. Speaking for myself, I have *only* dated married or long-term partnered men - because those (non-married) men you seem to think are all up for poly? They're up for getting laid. Not having multiple loving relationships. I generally find men that are already doing well juggling one (or more) relationship(s) make for better partners - and the number of men that seem able to do that seems quite small in my experience. I could quite well moan and whine about how few decent poly men there are out there, how hard it is to weed out the self-entitled assholes and the guys that just want sex, and how that severely limits my ability to date. I could even construct an evolutionary argument about it, and conclude that because MOST men are just chasing tail, ALL men are just chasing tail. But you know what? Making sweeping generalisations (especially about gender) and black and white thinking doesn't really lead anywhere good. If you want to find a lovely poly woman, like your wife, then you DO need to look at what you are doing wrong and stop blaming the universe.
 
"Do you realise what a misogynistic bunch of crap that sounds like?"

Yes....I do.
It's progressive reality based analysis of facts....and I realize(?) you are wrong.

" If you think your wife has no sympathy for your situation, then that's a separate issue altogether. "
Yes...it is...*shrug*

TenK wrote
"Men who 'rely' on female affection, attention and love? You sound like one of those pick-up artist idiots who think that women owe them sex. That right there is your problem. No one owes you a relationship. Grow up."

Sociology not your thing my man tenK?

"The poly female is not rare. I seem to find as many as poly males."

Now you disturb me. Nothing personal....not my 'style'.
 
Attention to detail is clearly also not your style. I'm one of your target demographic, unless you are only interested in heterosexual women because you have a dash of homophobia to go with your misogyny. For the life of me, I really can't understand why such a charmer as yourself is not inundated by attention from women. Perhaps it's because you have nothing to offer them but self-pity?

Given that it seems that the frustration you feel is not so much simply envy of your wife, but a whole global conspiracy of women withholding the love, sex and attention you not only need, but deserve whole-heartedly, simply for existing on this planet with a penis dangling between your legs, I would like to retract my previous advice. Quit polyamory. Quit it right now. Remove yourself from the dating pool altogether. Your wife must be a saint. You won't find another like her.
 
Ouch...I must have found the troll that I was warned about.
Another woman. Lovely.
Your defense of the argument I presented still lacks logic.
You got a lot of mean words.....quite vociferous.....same themes. Envy....lack.
Anything subastantial?
 
It's pretty clear to us now what the problem is and why you have such a hard time finding partners, Mr. Dragon. Thanks for the thorough demonstration. I value all the more the many open and self-reflective men who are part of this community.
 
Re (from DragonMan):
"I would have liked some input from a few men on this forum to understand how it benefits a man to share his poly female partner with another (benefits other than that which she reaps, and then brings back to her partner in the manner of *her* own happiness and contentment) while he himself remains essentially monogamous, as his choices and opportunities are, compared to the female, pretty much non-existent."

Well I like the extra me time ... but that's me. Other men might prefer to just spend their extra time with their spouse/partner.

I also like the friendship between me and the other guy in the V. He's a very kind, supportive, generous man. So there's that. Plus I have the privilege of sharing life with one of the two coolest ladies I've ever met. It's worth it to me.

I even think it's a perk to be participating in a poly dynamic. I want polyamory to become more widespread and accepted, and it pleases me to be in one small example of a poly success story.

And I live close enough to Seattle that I probably would have a chance if I looked for more female company. OKCupid would probably be my friend. Not to mention there are multiple poly groups to choose from. By now I'm too lazy to bother, but it's still worth mentioning, to underscore what a difference living in or near a poly-friendly city can make. I like the mere feeling of security I get from knowing that poly resources are nearby in case I should want or need them.

Re:
"It is beginning to become clear to myself that it is the *woman* in the Male/Female/Male 'V' poly relationship that is taking advantage (abuse?) of basic, systemic realities of culture, anthropology and societal norms ... to greatly enhance her own emotional and sexual well being; while having little or no sympathy and/or concern for the plight of the multitude of men who seek, desire and possibly rely on the poly female's affection, attention and love."

Wow, really? I'm in a pretty deep state of denial if that's true in my household. The lady here is extremely conscientious, and busts her ass to keep both of the men in her life happy. When we're not happy, she's not happy. I mean she put up with years of (verbal) abuse from me, patiently working with me and my therapists/pdocs to find a way to make life bearable for me. It's been a long hard road, but she never gave up on me, not once.

Of course, your home is not my home. Perhaps you do feel exploited. I can only tell you how I feel in my own life. I feel extraordinarily lucky.
 
Another woman here (because, yes, there are more of us here then men...neither of my boys care for forums) - which means that you are hearing from POLY WOMEN (you know, the type of women that you claim don't exist...the type of women who would NOT reject you because you are married...the type of women you should be CULTIVATING instead of alienating!)

My, very poly, boyfriend has two, very poly, girlfriends (both married - me and Lotus). His advise? Only date (happily) married women - they have proven that they know how to have a successful relationship.
 
Dragonman said:
It is beginning to become clear to myself that it is the WOMAN in the Male/Female/Male ‘V’ poly relationship that is taking advantage ( abuse? ) of basic, systemic realities of culture, anthropology and societal norms….to greatly enhance her own emotional and sexual well being; while having little or no sympathy and/or concern for the plight of the multitude of men who seek, desire and possibly rely on the poly female’s affection, attention and love.

Take this further. The modern poly movement exists at all because of the current freedoms women have, thanks to feminism and growing female power. Women just didn't have the ability to be poly until recently. Back in more tribal days, when tribes raised children cooperatively, and all people worshiped great goddesses, women had more value and equality.

Then the patriarchy took over, women became property of men. They were kept powerless, pregnant or nursing, with no financial property of their own.

Men were able to have multiple wives. Women were executed if they dared to have 2 male partners, or often, even if they were merely raped.

For a long time, husbands were chosen for the women. When women finally got the power to choose their own husband, they had to be ultra picky, because they would depend on their husbands to provide some of the food, and shelter for her to nurse and raise their children.

That's the reality, not this idea you have of women abusing some kind of system.

Women are actually designed to be just as "poly" as men, and certainly have the sexual capability to satisfy more than one man a day (unlike vice versa).

If you're willing to reset your respect for women and get with it, you might find some cool poly women closer to the coast in your region. okcupid.com can help, it's a free poly friendly dating service.
 
In addition, the present-day polyamory movement/trend/practice/community has been led by women. There are often many more poly women than poly men at poly gatherings and in poly communities (online and irl), and women are in the majority as leaders of most poly organizations - so your assumption that there is a dearth of women interested in poly is incorrect. It often takes men longer to find women partners, than it does for women to find men, BUT that is mostly dependent upon where you live and how you approach women.

Women who are poly, poly-friendly, or open to new things like poly, are definitely out there. Believe me, they are. But check what signals you are sending when you try to meet women. I know, with certainty, that if a woman feels like you are only hitting on her or asking her out just to "get yours" and even the score you're keeping with your wife, the woman you're targeting will not be interested. Women want to be wanted for who they are and how they appeal to someone, not to be a poly prize that signifies you've now somehow kept pace with your spouse.
 
Back
Top