As I have written these thoughts out in a form that I can re-read and examine in detail, the responses and counter responses….
…I have come to a rather startling epiphany.
It is beginning to become clear to myself that it is the WOMAN in the Male/Female/Male ‘V’ poly relationship that is taking advantage ( abuse? ) of basic, systemic realities of culture, anthropology and societal norms….to greatly enhance her own emotional and sexual well being; while having little or no sympathy and/or concern for the plight of the multitude of men who seek, desire and possibly rely on the poly female’s affection, attention and love.
When my partner reads that last paragraph….I sincerely hope there is a discussion….and not just a fight………wish me luck.
Do you realise what a misogynistic bunch of crap that sounds like? If you think your wife has no sympathy for your situation, then that's a separate issue altogether. Men who 'rely' on female affection, attention and love? You sound like one of those pick-up artist idiots who think that women owe them sex. That right there is your problem. No one owes you a relationship. Grow up.
The poly female is not rare. I seem to find as many as poly males. male-female-male setups are just one of many possible poly configurations. The majority of poly relationships I have experienced and encountered within my community have actually been more like female-male-female V's and triads. So *some* poly guys are actually doing rather well in the face of all the same obstacles that you speak about. Speaking for myself, I have *only* dated married or long-term partnered men - because those (non-married) men you seem to think are all up for poly? They're up for getting laid. Not having multiple loving relationships. I generally find men that are already doing well juggling one (or more) relationship(s) make for better partners - and the number of men that seem able to do that seems quite small in my experience. I could quite well moan and whine about how few decent poly men there are out there, how hard it is to weed out the self-entitled assholes and the guys that just want sex, and how that severely limits my ability to date. I could even construct an evolutionary argument about it, and conclude that because MOST men are just chasing tail, ALL men are just chasing tail. But you know what? Making sweeping generalisations (especially about gender) and black and white thinking doesn't really lead anywhere good. If you want to find a lovely poly woman, like your wife, then you DO need to look at what you are doing wrong and stop blaming the universe.