I am so so so sad. This is so so so stupid. When did I stop being a priority to her? Why did I stop being a priority to her? I stared at the wall most of the night, and I slept with her shirt so I could at least smell her, and I cried off and on. How pathetic is that?
I fully realize I'm acting like a battered spouse. Hell, now I even have a shiner to prove it. And I must've hit the ground on my elbow harder than I thought cause it smarts pretty damn good this morning. But god I love that woman. And god I wish she would come back. And good fucking god I miss her.
My oldest is picking her up from jail today, the oldest who yesterday she texted and said, "your dad wants me to spend the night in jail." And then the oldest called me in a huff and asked what was up... so I told her. I told her everything. And she, gotta love the bright-eyed 18yo mentality, said, "mom and I are gonna have a talk. We're gonna fix this." And I hope she can. Because I couldn't. But I'm still leaving the house and won't be back till Thursday.
One thing that threw me off, when I was talking to the select few people in my life who've known about the polyamory thing, every single one of them said, "well, she doesn't want the kids right? So you shouldn't have to worry about fighting her for them." And I dunno. When she's on with them, good gravy she is on, and it's beautiful. But when she's off she isn't just off, she's completely disconnected from them and everything except what's going on in her head which she won't share and that happens a lot.