I wanna be mono again.

That sounds terrible and I am sorry you had to go through that. However, good work on staying calm and calling the police when things got violent. You are right, your children (and you) should not be subjected to that kind of behaviour.

My thoughts are with you in this very difficult time and I hope you will soon be able to move on and find a relationship in which you feel loved and appreciated.
 
Oh no, this is very sad news indeed. It is terrible that she got violent and hurt you. I hope you are okay. Did the cops take pictures of your injuries? If not, you should do that, as well as see a doctor, and keep documentation of what happened. Ugh, such ugliness.

However, I am very glad for you that you stated your case and then remained calm while she raged at you. Good that you called the cops and are planning to go to a hotel. Only you can make sure you are not victimized any further, so keep defending your personal boundaries. I just hope she won't do anything destructive while you are at the hotel.

It seems she developed some very serious mental issues and went off the deep end, unfortunately. I do believe the wife you knew is gone. This is, understandably, going to be an incredibly difficult period for you. I hope you have other people and resources in your life to help you through it. She abused you for far too long.

Feel welcome to reach out to us here whenever you need to. You can PM me if you don't feel like posting to a thread.
 
I am so so so sad. This is so so so stupid. When did I stop being a priority to her? Why did I stop being a priority to her? I stared at the wall most of the night, and I slept with her shirt so I could at least smell her, and I cried off and on. How pathetic is that?

I fully realize I'm acting like a battered spouse. Hell, now I even have a shiner to prove it. And I must've hit the ground on my elbow harder than I thought cause it smarts pretty damn good this morning. But god I love that woman. And god I wish she would come back. And good fucking god I miss her.

My oldest is picking her up from jail today, the oldest who yesterday she texted and said, "your dad wants me to spend the night in jail." And then the oldest called me in a huff and asked what was up... so I told her. I told her everything. And she, gotta love the bright-eyed 18yo mentality, said, "mom and I are gonna have a talk. We're gonna fix this." And I hope she can. Because I couldn't. But I'm still leaving the house and won't be back till Thursday.

One thing that threw me off, when I was talking to the select few people in my life who've known about the polyamory thing, every single one of them said, "well, she doesn't want the kids right? So you shouldn't have to worry about fighting her for them." And I dunno. When she's on with them, good gravy she is on, and it's beautiful. But when she's off she isn't just off, she's completely disconnected from them and everything except what's going on in her head which she won't share and that happens a lot.
 
And she, gotta love the bright-eyed 18yo mentality, said, "mom and I are gonna have a talk. We're gonna fix this." And I hope she can. Because I couldn't.

Please, please, please don't put your children in the position of mediating your relationship with your wife, or in the position of becoming your protector. Just because she's 18 does not mean she's going to emotionally be able to handle that.

Please do leave the house, please DO take care of yourself, and yes - you're acting like a battered, abused spouse because you ARE one. And I'm sorry. Please go get some help without relying on your children to provide it.
 
Please, please, please don't put your children in the position of mediating your relationship with your wife, or in the position of becoming your protector. Just because she's 18 does not mean she's going to emotionally be able to handle that.

Please do leave the house, please DO take care of yourself, and yes - you're acting like a battered, abused spouse because you ARE one. And I'm sorry. Please go get some help without relying on your children to provide it.

This. Your daughter is no more able to fix things with her mother than you were. If she has a mental illness, she needs professional help from a mental health specialist. Even that will only help if your wife wants help and from everything you've said, it doesn't sound like she does.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm glad you're getting out though. Give yourself time. It will get better.
 
I am very sorry to hear all this. You did all the right things -- stay calm, call cops, keep kids safe, go to hotel, etc.

Please continue to get help on the local level. See a doc, document the injuries. See a mediator/lawyer -- since it sounds like you are done with the marriage. See a counselor -- for abuse recovery.

See that the kids stay out of it -- even the eldest teen. But provide for their needs -- like counseling.

I am so truly sorry. :(

If your wife is mentally ill -- you could try to Baker Act. But again... help on the local level to sort all that out.

Galagirl
 
Hi reluctantlypoly,

I'm so sorry to hear about that gigantic blowup. If the cops felt she needed to spend the night in jail, that's strong evidence that she was way out of control and that calling the cops was the right thing to do.

Does the other couple know about all of this? Have they said anything about it?

This has gone beyond issues about poly. Your wife needs professional help. But even if she doesn't get it, I hope you'll go and see a therapist. You need it to help you heal from what you've gone through.

Sympathetically,
Kevin T.
 
...And she, gotta love the bright-eyed 18yo mentality, said, "mom and I are gonna have a talk. We're gonna fix this." And I hope she can. Because I couldn't. But I'm still leaving the house and won't be back till Thursday.

Agree with the cautions about the kids. Nobody can fix anybody and kids especially cannot fix their parents, even though many are set-up to try and try and try their entire lives. Echoing the caveats that you and your wife should not be relying on the kids to be intermediaries or advisors.
 
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