A2Poly
New member
I don't even know where to start...
28 years ago I met a girl. We went to school together, and she was my best freind. We drifted in and out of each other's lives (she moved far away), and so I wasn't around when she met and married her husband 15 years ago, and she want around when I had my (now 20yo) daughter, but for most of the rest we have been best freinds.
I knew, kinda, that they had a relationship that allowed more physical intimacy with others. But never thought it was my business. I've been celibate, and almost asexual for the last ten years. Little interest, and no time. But, I have always been attracted to her husband, but not in any "must have!" way, more in a "appreciation" way.
Then last month he and I kissed. He says he thinks I kissed him, I think he kissed me... but either way, suddenly that was on the radar. This month I came out for a visit, and she (without discussing it with me, or knowing about the kiss) gave him permission to see if I'd be interested. I was.
So far so good. And then it got messy. They've never been open to anything more than casual "situational" sex with others. At festivals etc, but never in their home, and with someone who is so enmeshed in their lives. So when he spent (most of) a night in their guest room with me, being alone and knowing we were together got weird for her, and she didn't say anything about it until the next day - though I'm grateful she said something at all!
Anyway, here we are, best freinds for 28 years, and exploring what it might mean to be (am I using this word right?) metamours. All three of us agree that my friendship with her, and their marriage are the "core" relationships, and that we want both to still exist in 40 years. But from poking around here, and other places, and I haven't seen anything like this.
To protect those "core" relationships I'm ok with not continuing a sexual relationship with her husband, and treating this as a one time precious gift she shared. It might affect us for a bit, but we'd get through it. Worse things have happened and we've stayed freinds. But my preference would be a committed (but still open to situational casual sex) relationship.
I'm finding the switch from celibate to (possibly) poly - when is never heard the word before this week - to be a bit of struggle. I think it might be one that is worth it, but I'm scared because of all the long term, important, relationships involved.
Any advice?
28 years ago I met a girl. We went to school together, and she was my best freind. We drifted in and out of each other's lives (she moved far away), and so I wasn't around when she met and married her husband 15 years ago, and she want around when I had my (now 20yo) daughter, but for most of the rest we have been best freinds.
I knew, kinda, that they had a relationship that allowed more physical intimacy with others. But never thought it was my business. I've been celibate, and almost asexual for the last ten years. Little interest, and no time. But, I have always been attracted to her husband, but not in any "must have!" way, more in a "appreciation" way.
Then last month he and I kissed. He says he thinks I kissed him, I think he kissed me... but either way, suddenly that was on the radar. This month I came out for a visit, and she (without discussing it with me, or knowing about the kiss) gave him permission to see if I'd be interested. I was.
So far so good. And then it got messy. They've never been open to anything more than casual "situational" sex with others. At festivals etc, but never in their home, and with someone who is so enmeshed in their lives. So when he spent (most of) a night in their guest room with me, being alone and knowing we were together got weird for her, and she didn't say anything about it until the next day - though I'm grateful she said something at all!
Anyway, here we are, best freinds for 28 years, and exploring what it might mean to be (am I using this word right?) metamours. All three of us agree that my friendship with her, and their marriage are the "core" relationships, and that we want both to still exist in 40 years. But from poking around here, and other places, and I haven't seen anything like this.
To protect those "core" relationships I'm ok with not continuing a sexual relationship with her husband, and treating this as a one time precious gift she shared. It might affect us for a bit, but we'd get through it. Worse things have happened and we've stayed freinds. But my preference would be a committed (but still open to situational casual sex) relationship.
I'm finding the switch from celibate to (possibly) poly - when is never heard the word before this week - to be a bit of struggle. I think it might be one that is worth it, but I'm scared because of all the long term, important, relationships involved.
Any advice?