Entering the pool....

itsnowornever

New member
So, my husband and I have been married for 7 years and together for nearly 10. We have been involved in BDSM in the past, he has allowed me to do adult entertainment work and has supported every decision I have made. We have been through hell and back together and survived every fire ball my family has thrown at us...and I just dropped one hell of package on his lap.

I miss the BDSM aspect of our lives. I have been missing it for quite some time, and for the last year or so have been quite despondent over it...and haven't been able to talk to him about it. I finally did. Through research I have found that I also wouldn't mind opening up our relationship. I feel solid with "us" and honestly, would love for him to find someone that can give him what I can't, and on the flip side find someone to give me what he can't.

I want to find a Dom, I want him to find a sub...we can't work together in that aspect...we have tried, it doesn't work. I think he also needs to find a girl that can do what he wants---I am very much the ass kicker in the family...I am not a "girly girl" and he so badly wants me to be dressy and girlie...he knew that's not what I was when we got together, and loves me in jeans or a skirt...but I know he wants to spoil me in that way...and I dont let him. I try, but I"m miserable. I know all this sound stupid...but he needs someone to be girly for him...and I need someone to be hard for me. Does this make any sense? Probably not. But it does to us.

We have talked about opening our relationship at length lately. Talked about limits, reasons why, reasons why not, the "whos" and "whats"...and now we are venturing in.
 
Greetings itsnowornever,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Everyone's different, and everyone has unique needs. You guys need a particular style of BDSM that a closed marriage can't provide. There's nothing wrong with needing more. It sounds like you are both in agreement about opening the marriage, and that's great news. I hope you find the perfect partners for the both of you.

We'll be happy to answer any questions, just let us know. I'm glad you could join us.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

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Welcome aboard!
 
So, my husband and I have been married for 7 years and together for nearly 10. We have been involved in BDSM in the past, he has allowed me to do adult entertainment work and has supported every decision I have made. We have been through hell and back together and survived every fire ball my family has thrown at us...and I just dropped one hell of package on his lap.

I miss the BDSM aspect of our lives. I have been missing it for quite some time, and for the last year or so have been quite despondent over it...and haven't been able to talk to him about it. I finally did. Through research I have found that I also wouldn't mind opening up our relationship. I feel solid with "us" and honestly, would love for him to find someone that can give him what I can't, and on the flip side find someone to give me what he can't.

I want to find a Dom, I want him to find a sub...we can't work together in that aspect...we have tried, it doesn't work. I think he also needs to find a girl that can do what he wants---I am very much the ass kicker in the family...I am not a "girly girl" and he so badly wants me to be dressy and girlie...he knew that's not what I was when we got together, and loves me in jeans or a skirt...but I know he wants to spoil me in that way...and I dont let him. I try, but I"m miserable. I know all this sound stupid...but he needs someone to be girly for him...and I need someone to be hard for me. Does this make any sense? Probably not. But it does to us.

We have talked about opening our relationship at length lately. Talked about limits, reasons why, reasons why not, the "whos" and "whats"...and now we are venturing in.

Welcome and drink deep.

Well, I had to write that once I saw your thread title. Robert Heinlein is a favorite author of mine and it's a phrase from his book "Stranger in a Strange Land".

I hope that you both can find the people that can not just fill your needs but that you can help fill their needs. I advocate sitting and talking and communication as the relationships happen. You may find someone before him or vice versa.

Good luck and welcome to the party!
 
Hello and welcome to the forum!

I want to find a Dom, I want him to find a sub...we can't work together in that aspect...we have tried, it doesn't work. I think he also needs to find a girl that can do what he wants---I am very much the ass kicker in the family...I am not a "girly girl" and he so badly wants me to be dressy and girlie...he knew that's not what I was when we got together, and loves me in jeans or a skirt...but I know he wants to spoil me in that way...and I dont let him. I try, but I"m miserable. I know all this sound stupid...but he needs someone to be girly for him...and I need someone to be hard for me. Does this make any sense? Probably not. But it does to us.

This does make a lot of sense, to me at least. People can have a variety of needs that might not all be satisfied by one person only... so why not look for others? You seem very clear about what you want, good. You seem to want some specific things for your husband, too, things that you are not able to do for him. But, does he want these things from someone else than you? He might disagree with you about a) the things he actually wants or b) from whom he wants to get those.

We have talked about opening our relationship at length lately. Talked about limits, reasons why, reasons why not, the "whos" and "whats"...and now we are venturing in.

So probably you have discussed about the questions that I posted above (and many many more). Good luck to your journey into poly! This forum is a great source of information - feel free to read everything and anything that calls to you, and post your thoughts as well.
 
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