I very much appreciate all the advice and insight in the replies to my question.
It has inspired a very interesting thought. While I hate not having polyamory/being able to love/sex/connect with others, I do not hate the idea of such intense restrictions in general.
I wonder if my desire to fulfill the restrictions, at whatever cost to myself personally/emotionally is more a result of M being less strict in other areas of life, and less a result of me self harming.
I wonder if there is a way that I can broach the topic in a constructive manner - in case there is an area that he and I would both find comfortable/beneficial to restrict, which would 1 - fulfill my need for strict structure, and 2 - fulfill his need for control, such that he would be comfortable with my devotion/obedience enough to relax the restrictions on this specific area.
I know not all areas of life carry the same emotional weight, and this is an obvious and oft used one in the BDSM world, and he may still be absolutely uncomfortable with polyamory, but it is a very interesting thought.
It has inspired a very interesting thought. While I hate not having polyamory/being able to love/sex/connect with others, I do not hate the idea of such intense restrictions in general.
I wonder if my desire to fulfill the restrictions, at whatever cost to myself personally/emotionally is more a result of M being less strict in other areas of life, and less a result of me self harming.
I wonder if there is a way that I can broach the topic in a constructive manner - in case there is an area that he and I would both find comfortable/beneficial to restrict, which would 1 - fulfill my need for strict structure, and 2 - fulfill his need for control, such that he would be comfortable with my devotion/obedience enough to relax the restrictions on this specific area.
I know not all areas of life carry the same emotional weight, and this is an obvious and oft used one in the BDSM world, and he may still be absolutely uncomfortable with polyamory, but it is a very interesting thought.