I'll try to make this as short as possible... however I need some advice!
I entered into the poly lifestyle after meeting my current s/o...I, she and her primary partner (whom she was already in an existing relationship with) are in the swinger's ls as well which I'm new to.. however all three of us are new to poly. We basically fell into the V dynamic after she indicated that I was her gf and he remained her bf. By the three of us being in the swinger's ls...we would have threesomes not very often...but I would say more regularly than not...which she was ok with me playing with him...so a sexual relationship was already developing between the three of us... however...the connection between me and her was more emotional
Now...at the beginning of our relationship... she asked her bf if he was interested in bringing someone else into the relationship. He chose to only have her and that she was enough for him. She also asked me the same question and I told her if it happens... it happens although I wasn't interested in doing so at that time... because I wanted to see where our relationship would go before making that decision. We really never discussed what our dynamic was at that time... nor what one partner expected from the other in regards to the relationship. We were basically IMO "flying blind"...but didn't realize that we were making common poly mistakes. Now I stated earlier that we fell into the V dynamic I guess you can say by "default".. but in one of her intros in one of the fb poly groups we're in... she stated that we were a healthy functioning triad. She made comments here and there making references to her and I being his "girls". She even made a reference to me being "Our girlfriend". There was also a time at the beginning of our relationship where I made a comment about wanting a sex buddy and she offered him to me to have sex with when I wanted. With all of these references...I guess we're in a triad...so I just assumed that we were...so I hopped aboard what I thought was the "triad train" by making the same references in the same groups... which she still at that time didn't have an issue with. In fact... she stated to me that the posts were "touching her heart". I'm thinking we're on our way to building a (her words) healthy functioning triad... so I thought. All of this taking place roughly 4 1/2 months ago.
Well...here we are nearing 6 months into our relationship and she dropped the bomb on me a few weeks ago. She told me that I am NOT in a poly relationship with the both of them...but I am HER gf ONLY and that her bf and I only play occasionally. She even went on to say that she doesn't know if she feels comfortable with sharing him with another woman emotionally and also stated that if he and I never played again that he would still support our relationship. I feel that she's having a change of heart about me even being with him sexually. At the time we had the conversation I really didn't process it due to the shock and sudden embarrassment I felt at the time. However after giving it further thought...it began to bother me and it's making me feel pessimistic about the progression of our relationship. I haven't discussed my feelings about this with her yet because of her defensive demeanor. I know it's definitely something I have to discuss with her but I just don't know how or what to tell her to let her know that she's not exhibiting poly behavior... but she's in fact being selfish and cheeky. Her bf allows her to have a relationship with me and also a LDR with another partner. Please help as I need advice on how to approach this situation with hopes that the relationship can be saved because I really love her.
I entered into the poly lifestyle after meeting my current s/o...I, she and her primary partner (whom she was already in an existing relationship with) are in the swinger's ls as well which I'm new to.. however all three of us are new to poly. We basically fell into the V dynamic after she indicated that I was her gf and he remained her bf. By the three of us being in the swinger's ls...we would have threesomes not very often...but I would say more regularly than not...which she was ok with me playing with him...so a sexual relationship was already developing between the three of us... however...the connection between me and her was more emotional
Now...at the beginning of our relationship... she asked her bf if he was interested in bringing someone else into the relationship. He chose to only have her and that she was enough for him. She also asked me the same question and I told her if it happens... it happens although I wasn't interested in doing so at that time... because I wanted to see where our relationship would go before making that decision. We really never discussed what our dynamic was at that time... nor what one partner expected from the other in regards to the relationship. We were basically IMO "flying blind"...but didn't realize that we were making common poly mistakes. Now I stated earlier that we fell into the V dynamic I guess you can say by "default".. but in one of her intros in one of the fb poly groups we're in... she stated that we were a healthy functioning triad. She made comments here and there making references to her and I being his "girls". She even made a reference to me being "Our girlfriend". There was also a time at the beginning of our relationship where I made a comment about wanting a sex buddy and she offered him to me to have sex with when I wanted. With all of these references...I guess we're in a triad...so I just assumed that we were...so I hopped aboard what I thought was the "triad train" by making the same references in the same groups... which she still at that time didn't have an issue with. In fact... she stated to me that the posts were "touching her heart". I'm thinking we're on our way to building a (her words) healthy functioning triad... so I thought. All of this taking place roughly 4 1/2 months ago.
Well...here we are nearing 6 months into our relationship and she dropped the bomb on me a few weeks ago. She told me that I am NOT in a poly relationship with the both of them...but I am HER gf ONLY and that her bf and I only play occasionally. She even went on to say that she doesn't know if she feels comfortable with sharing him with another woman emotionally and also stated that if he and I never played again that he would still support our relationship. I feel that she's having a change of heart about me even being with him sexually. At the time we had the conversation I really didn't process it due to the shock and sudden embarrassment I felt at the time. However after giving it further thought...it began to bother me and it's making me feel pessimistic about the progression of our relationship. I haven't discussed my feelings about this with her yet because of her defensive demeanor. I know it's definitely something I have to discuss with her but I just don't know how or what to tell her to let her know that she's not exhibiting poly behavior... but she's in fact being selfish and cheeky. Her bf allows her to have a relationship with me and also a LDR with another partner. Please help as I need advice on how to approach this situation with hopes that the relationship can be saved because I really love her.