Poly-Dating: How to meet like-minded people

Dating is a numbers game. There are more incompatible people out there than compatible ones. The more you put yourself out there and date, the more people you will turn down or walk away from. Doesn't matter if one is poly or mono, or what the reason is - that's how dating goes. Why worry about "how many" you reject? Eventually you meet people with whom it does work. It may take a long time but meeting that person who fits will make everything you've been through prior to that absolutely worth the trouble.
 
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Re (from SuddenlyStoneElf):
"How many people did you all have to let go, avoid or ignore because they were inherently monogamous? Did you even have to? (Especially those of you who just 'met' people without filtering first.)"

I used to let people go because *I* was a practicing monogamist. When I no longer had the heart to keep following monogamous rules, that's when the people showed up in my life who would become my poly partners. Almost as if my change in attitude had magnetized them.

If you're using OKCupid, it's easy, wise, and ethical to make your poly intentions plainly visible on your profile. If you're seeking people through meatspace channels, they need to know of your poly intentions ASAP. Which, since you can't detect who's poly-inclined just by looking at them, is likely to earn you a lot of rejection. Unless you limit your dating pool to environments that tend to be populated by poly-inclined persons. Local poly groups are the obvious way to go, but many fringe groups (SCA, BDSM, GLBTQ, etc.) have a tendency to be poly-friendly too.

Yes it's unfortunate that many/most mainstream people are unwilling to consider polyamory, even hypothetically. In the meantime, I can only choose my own actions, so I have to try to decide how to make the best of it.
 
Meeting Others

How do some of you meet potential romantic partners?

I live in what's considered a "poly-friendly" area, meaning the region overall really but my actual immediate area isn't quite so. I dislike dating sites, but kind of feel it's the only option. I like to meet people and have things sort of click "organically", if that makes any sense. Hubs met his last FWB (wonderful gal, still all on friendly terms) through some online site.

So I'm curious if I'm alone and if the majority are more like hubs?
 
Roger and I both knew our OSO (other significant others) as friends first. Jack and I have been friends for ages, and Roger and Taylor worked together (NOT recommended for everyone, but it worked for them). Sorry to say I've had no experience with dating sites!
 
I met nate on MySpace, I was married to to my ex at the time. I met sam through work and he dated my friend briefly a few years ago.

Ive met other in real life, poly match maker, and adult friend finder. Nate has met people on Fetlife and meetme.
 
Of the two acqaintances I've ever had that turned into intimate partnerships, both were with someone I met IRL. I tried OKCupid for quite awhile but had no luck. But I know that many people do have good luck with OKC.
 
I prefer meeting people in real life.
 
I've done lots of dating by meeting guys online, but I met my long term boyfriend in real life. :)
 
Of the two acqaintances I've ever had that turned into intimate partnerships, both were with someone I met IRL. I tried OKCupid for quite awhile but had no luck. But I know that many people do have good luck with OKC.

I had an OKC profile for a while (technically, still do) but I never actually met a single new person on there. Reconnected with an old FWB, but the one date we did go on, I could tell nothing had changed with him and it was a total waste of time.

I prefer meeting people in real life.

I'm the same. I like my relationships to happen... organically. You know, no differently than a mono person bumping into someone at a coffee shop or in a book store, hitting it off and exchanging numbers. Problem is, I don't go out much. I did go out on V-Day with Hubs and Wifey (she was in town) and was flirted with, even hit on, but nothing beyond that. I think it's difficult since I'm a full-time parent, I don't even had daytime to go grab lunch with someone since I homeschool. So I did turn to online but after a bunch of creeps, left it.
 
The kids are the priority. Nothing wrong with that.
 
My current 3-year boyfriend, Mr. C, is an old high-school friend and we have a gaming/social group comprised of decade-long friends we meet with, frequently. This helps because we can be rather open with them and know they accept us. Our spouses also feel comfortable coming to the gatherings with us.

I met two other partners through OKC, but I'm not as close with them as I am with Mr. C, and neither I nor them have felt ready to share as much of ourselves as I can with DH or Mr C.

DH met one partner through work, and the relationship kind of fizzled out when he switched jobs. He met two new partners through OKC, and those kind of crashed and burned due to trust and compatibility issues. His current interest, S, is a mutual friend that we've had over a decade long friendship with, and although it's new, I have a feeling this relationship with them will last a long time.

Neither of us have really gone out to meet people as we're both really invested in our current partners and our son together, though. I can't figure out how that would work for us, really.

So I guess, for me and DH, we find it easier to form deep poly relationships with people we've already had long trusting friendships with. Dating sites like OKC are interesting, but a bit too scary for us.
 
Dude met Lotus on OKC. He went on a few OKC dates before that - didn't work out but that is the game of numbers, not a problem with OKC. I've had a couple of interesting OKC conversations - one of which led me to go the PGH Meet-Up, which was fun but not something I'm interesting in doing on a regular basis.

I prefer to meet people randomly IRL. But since I don't really socialize THAT is limited (of course, I am not really "looking" but just open to possibilities:rolleyes:).
 
How to meet like-minded poly people?

Hello,

how do I meet other poly people in my area?
Does anyone know of legitimate meetup groups and/or dating sites that are not primarily about sex?

I live in a small town, not much diversity.
I'm open to using dating sites (never used one before) but I'd much rather meet people in person.

I am a bi female with a straight bf; we've been dating for 5yrs and he's completely open/on board ;)

I am new to this site and hope I am posting this in the right place.
 
There are poly groups on meetup.com. If you are in a rural area, the closest one might be rather far away. OKC is poly friendly but you may again have limited selection in a smaller town. Some subcultures are very poly friendly - I can think of gamers and pagans offhand. There may be more. And if you are willing to be out about being poly, you can just meet people in the world the usual way and tell them you are poly and see how it goes.
 
I recommend OKCupid which has a poly search option. I'm not sure about straight dating apps lol, but maybe Tinder or other apps have the option to search for other partnered or open folks?
 
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