BACK STORY
My partner, Apple (male, gay), recently started dating a new guy, Jacket (male, gay). They started dating after only three group hangouts, one in which I was present and the other two I wasn't. Since they started dating they haven't been sexually intimate (aside from kissing), but I've been having a pretty hard time dealing with my fears of abandonment, and issues with jealousy and self-sabotage (which I am doing a lot of personal work on to understand and learn about) since this is the first seemingly-serious interest Apple has had outside of our relationship. Apple is really enjoying his time with Jacket, and they have been seeing each other about two times a week for the past three weeks. I've had very minimal interactions with Jacket, and so far he seems like a great guy from what I can tell.
With Apple's permission, I asked Jacket to hang out so we can get to know each other a bit more, since it seems like Jacket is becoming more a part of Apple's life and I know that Apple really seems to like him. Apple told me he was interested in joining us and then we got into a brief discussion about how if we were all to get together I'd want to make everyone (including myself) felt as comfortable in this situation as possible. I asked him if there was a certain type of hang out (i.e. coffee shop, museum, dinner, etc.) that he would prefer, but he didn't really have any opinion on it and said I should make the plans with Jacket and then fill him in. He also said he might not even want to join us, unless it fit into his schedule, which seemed really passive for a situation that I'm feeling very nervous and intimidated by. I really want to get to know Jacket and see if there's any chance we could be friends, or maybe even more, so I'm struggling a bit with what to do in this situation...
QUESTIONS
Apple and I are generally not too physically affectionate in public spaces, aside from holding hands and wrapping arms around each other... and an occasional light kiss (no make out sessions). Apple told me that Jacket and him tend to be a bit more affectionate when they hang out with each other one-on-one (hand on leg, leaning on each other, intense eye contact) since they aren't generally in private spaces with each other much and I realize they are definitely in the NRE phase. I'm not quite sure how I would feel yet if Jacket were to be overly affectionate with Apple while I was with them. How should I go about this? I want to tell Jacket it is OK for him to be affectionate with Apple, but I also don't want to have an emotional reaction that I can't control if he does something that I feel uncomfortable about.
I kind of think it would be better to do a one-on-one hang out with Jacket, doing something more casual like a sit down coffee hang out so we can actually talk and get to know each other (and maybe talk a bit about our affection for Apple without making him feel weird that we're talking about him right in front of him). Also, I have always thought Jacket was attractive, so should I be allowed to approach a one-on-one hang out as more than just a getting to know my metamour situation? And what happens if the attraction isn't reciprocated? It's all so confusing and weird and new.
Any advice? HELP! Thanks
My partner, Apple (male, gay), recently started dating a new guy, Jacket (male, gay). They started dating after only three group hangouts, one in which I was present and the other two I wasn't. Since they started dating they haven't been sexually intimate (aside from kissing), but I've been having a pretty hard time dealing with my fears of abandonment, and issues with jealousy and self-sabotage (which I am doing a lot of personal work on to understand and learn about) since this is the first seemingly-serious interest Apple has had outside of our relationship. Apple is really enjoying his time with Jacket, and they have been seeing each other about two times a week for the past three weeks. I've had very minimal interactions with Jacket, and so far he seems like a great guy from what I can tell.
With Apple's permission, I asked Jacket to hang out so we can get to know each other a bit more, since it seems like Jacket is becoming more a part of Apple's life and I know that Apple really seems to like him. Apple told me he was interested in joining us and then we got into a brief discussion about how if we were all to get together I'd want to make everyone (including myself) felt as comfortable in this situation as possible. I asked him if there was a certain type of hang out (i.e. coffee shop, museum, dinner, etc.) that he would prefer, but he didn't really have any opinion on it and said I should make the plans with Jacket and then fill him in. He also said he might not even want to join us, unless it fit into his schedule, which seemed really passive for a situation that I'm feeling very nervous and intimidated by. I really want to get to know Jacket and see if there's any chance we could be friends, or maybe even more, so I'm struggling a bit with what to do in this situation...
QUESTIONS
Apple and I are generally not too physically affectionate in public spaces, aside from holding hands and wrapping arms around each other... and an occasional light kiss (no make out sessions). Apple told me that Jacket and him tend to be a bit more affectionate when they hang out with each other one-on-one (hand on leg, leaning on each other, intense eye contact) since they aren't generally in private spaces with each other much and I realize they are definitely in the NRE phase. I'm not quite sure how I would feel yet if Jacket were to be overly affectionate with Apple while I was with them. How should I go about this? I want to tell Jacket it is OK for him to be affectionate with Apple, but I also don't want to have an emotional reaction that I can't control if he does something that I feel uncomfortable about.
I kind of think it would be better to do a one-on-one hang out with Jacket, doing something more casual like a sit down coffee hang out so we can actually talk and get to know each other (and maybe talk a bit about our affection for Apple without making him feel weird that we're talking about him right in front of him). Also, I have always thought Jacket was attractive, so should I be allowed to approach a one-on-one hang out as more than just a getting to know my metamour situation? And what happens if the attraction isn't reciprocated? It's all so confusing and weird and new.
Any advice? HELP! Thanks