Scared but excited...adding a third??

EmDizzy

New member
My boyfriend (daddy) and I have been together for 5 months and friends for almost a year. Yes, I know we are still very new to our own relationship and we certainly hadn't planned to add a third so soon...but there's this girl. We both really like her and she likes both of us. There are some things I may need some insight/advice on.
I'm scared about losing him
I'm scared about losing her by not having her join soon enough
I don't want her to be "less than" but I don't want to lose my "spot"...basically want her to be OURS not HIS...I want to be the only one who is his.
My mom will disown me...again...if she finds out
She's my roommate and friend...sticky situation
We want kids...she may not
She's more of a pain slut than me...that scares me
 
My boyfriend (daddy) and I have been together for 5 months and friends for almost a year. Yes, I know we are still very new to our own relationship and we certainly hadn't planned to add a third so soon...but there's this girl. We both really like her and she likes both of us. There are some things I may need some insight/advice on.
I'm scared about losing him
I'm scared about losing her by not having her join soon enough
I don't want her to be "less than" but I don't want to lose my "spot"...basically want her to be OURS not HIS...I want to be the only one who is his.
My mom will disown me...again...if she finds out
She's my roommate and friend...sticky situation
We want kids...she may not
She's more of a pain slut than me...that scares me


A couple of questions for you to ponder on. Why are you interested in her? Just to have a 3rd or do you really like her?
Is it a kink that you want to try on for size?
If you are scared about losing him why bring a girl into the mix?


The reason why I ask these things are just to have something to think about.
Have you both been polyam before or is this new?
Once you decide to try a triad the relationship can take on a different form at any time and will not always be equal or go at the same pace. If that is something you are worried about maybe not a good idea to get your guy involved. Can you be in a relationship with her alone? Does he have to be involved?
Triads are so tricky and unless you are secure in your self then i would caution going forward.
 
Hi EmDizzy,

I get that there's a note of urgency about having this girl join. Nonetheless, I would integrate her slowly. You have many concerns, and they aren't the kind that can be addressed quickly. You'll need to work things out a little at a time.

Respects and regards,
Kevin T.
 
@Belladonna
Why are you interested in her? Just to have a 3rd or do you really like her?
I really like her. And he likes her, too. We are all 3 attracted to one another and hang out frequently as friends. She's a beautiful and fun loving person with a dark but big heart.
Is it a kink that you want to try on for size? Have you both been polyam before or is this new?
It isn't a kink to try on for size. We've discussed poly in the past but decided to wait on it, possibly until marriage. We met her and she's just...amazing. I've been a third before a few times and was almost part of a V a couple times, but they didn't work out. I am pan and love being with a guy and a girl.
If you are scared about losing him why bring a girl into the mix?
This fear is deeply rooted in a whole lot of psychologically traumatic events. I am well aware of my faults and insecurity is a huge one. If it wasn't HER and it was just the concept of a her, I'd not even consider it until I've worked through some of this insecurity...my fear is, though, that it may never be thoroughly worked through. Relationship after relationship since I was 3 years old ha "proven" to me that everyone leaves and that they don't ever REALLY love me...it's a long hard road and I am actively working toward progression on it, but it will be a long while.

Thank you for your response <3
 
Hi EmDizzy,

I get that there's a note of urgency about having this girl join. Nonetheless, I would integrate her slowly. You have many concerns, and they aren't the kind that can be addressed quickly. You'll need to work things out a little at a time.

Respects and regards,
Kevin T.

Thanks for your response! We absolutely were going to work slowly, but start the work in just a couple months. I'm just trying to get some insight and help outside of our obviously biased thoughts.
 
Sounds like you have experience and know your pitfalls pretty well. Like the pp said just take things slow and continue to work on your self.

The one thing I have found from being polyam is that I am in a relationship with my self. I am my own primary. Everyone else is a second.
From one triad relationship to another good luck. :)
 
These are all normal questions and fears to have. Discussing them openly with both of these people, all together, is the best way to maintain a clear understanding of what each of you needs to feel a part of the triad. It is the most important thing, I believe. Communicate, communicate, and communicate some more.

Good luck!! Triad love can be very beautiful!!
 
It's hard to let go of "his" and "hers", isn't it? My concern for you is that thinking will be the eventual downfall of the triad. She may not want to be a "third", or addition to a couple. She may want to be one of three of a triad.
 
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