BathedInSalt
New member
I'm in that discovery phase of what I'm going to call my poly path.
I figured my first post here should be an introduction.
My specific situation is that I'm in my mid-thirties, bi and happily married for 7 years to a man with whom I have three kids under 8yrs old.
I recently found myself with some serious feelings for another man that didn't diminish my feelings for my husband. I started reflecting on past relationships as well as my marriage. I wouldn't say that my heart has ever been monogamous. I would say that I beat myself up for those feelings. I have been monogamous though in practice. With my husband I haven't had to be, we just haven't ever called it anything. We've always talked about our feelings and worked within them. It had always worked until maybe now. I say maybe because we're trying to figure out if it will work. 5 of our 7 years our relationship included the knowledge of me being in another emotionally and physically intimate relationship with a woman. About 2 years ago the woman and I ended our sexual relationship, but continue to have an intimate one that's life long. There's probably a word for that, but I don't know it yet. There seem to be words for everything. I have had two conversations with my husband. I'm pretty sure he's mono. I'm pretty sure I'm poly. I'm pretty excited and scared. I've been reading and listening to podcasts, devouring information. I have at least 2 friends I can talk to in real life that are poly and that helps. The main things I think my husband and I have going for us is that we are pretty great at communicating. We've already breached the subject ( I got a sitter and took him out for a few beers) and he's at least open to discovering with me, reading, listening, all be it at a slower pace. I've already read some good advice and look forward to more. The main things I worry are going to work against us are that my feelings for another man are what sparked this self-reflection, I have insecurities, that possibly/probably childhood trauma that affects the way I love and that my husband is a bit of a conflict avoider (to his own detriment). I keep telling myself that there are bound to be growing pains. That a relationship with the other man is very likely not going to happen, or even should happen right now. Lastly, that no matter what we decide going forward my husband and I will be better off for knowing more about ourselves and each other. We already feel more bonded.
I figured my first post here should be an introduction.
My specific situation is that I'm in my mid-thirties, bi and happily married for 7 years to a man with whom I have three kids under 8yrs old.
I recently found myself with some serious feelings for another man that didn't diminish my feelings for my husband. I started reflecting on past relationships as well as my marriage. I wouldn't say that my heart has ever been monogamous. I would say that I beat myself up for those feelings. I have been monogamous though in practice. With my husband I haven't had to be, we just haven't ever called it anything. We've always talked about our feelings and worked within them. It had always worked until maybe now. I say maybe because we're trying to figure out if it will work. 5 of our 7 years our relationship included the knowledge of me being in another emotionally and physically intimate relationship with a woman. About 2 years ago the woman and I ended our sexual relationship, but continue to have an intimate one that's life long. There's probably a word for that, but I don't know it yet. There seem to be words for everything. I have had two conversations with my husband. I'm pretty sure he's mono. I'm pretty sure I'm poly. I'm pretty excited and scared. I've been reading and listening to podcasts, devouring information. I have at least 2 friends I can talk to in real life that are poly and that helps. The main things I think my husband and I have going for us is that we are pretty great at communicating. We've already breached the subject ( I got a sitter and took him out for a few beers) and he's at least open to discovering with me, reading, listening, all be it at a slower pace. I've already read some good advice and look forward to more. The main things I worry are going to work against us are that my feelings for another man are what sparked this self-reflection, I have insecurities, that possibly/probably childhood trauma that affects the way I love and that my husband is a bit of a conflict avoider (to his own detriment). I keep telling myself that there are bound to be growing pains. That a relationship with the other man is very likely not going to happen, or even should happen right now. Lastly, that no matter what we decide going forward my husband and I will be better off for knowing more about ourselves and each other. We already feel more bonded.