Glad it helped you some.
I'm not sure. If you are out there dating who you want, it isn't a monogamous marriage any more. It's Open marriage. So no. You cannot have a monogamous marriage if you are also dating.
If you mean you want to be in a Closed marriage, where it is just you and husband. And husband is Open enough for you -- like willing to listen and talk about your poly thoughts and feelings without wigging out or it being a big thing? And you are Closed enough for him -- no dating other people? Maybe that's a place to come to compromise because you don't feel bottled up inside or like you cannot breathe.
If you mean a marriage where you cannot express you poly side, husband doesn't want to hear about any of it? It's supposed to be swept under the rug? I don't know if him loving only the "acceptable" parts of you and not being interested in all of you would eventually make it so you grow apart, grow resentful or miserable.
I would hope that if you are in an unsatisfactory situation that at THAT point in time you would consider parting ways rather than choose to stay miserable and start acting out or get depressed or whatever. I mean, that goes for all marriages. Not just ones with poly people in it. If something is going deeply wrong and there's no way to solve it or all the things have been tried already and it is going nowhere... the final thing to try is to stop being together. Part with regrets maybe, but part all the same so the misery stops and the future can hopefully be better.
Then I will hope this for you also. That you and husband can talk and arrive at a place of deeper understanding.
Hopefully you can sort all this anxiety and stuff out so you can breathe easier within and without.
GL!
Galagirl
Do you really think I can't have a good mono marriage after this realization? I don't know that I will act out or be depressed, but I might. This is a conversation to have with my husband for sure. It's' going on the list.
I'm not sure. If you are out there dating who you want, it isn't a monogamous marriage any more. It's Open marriage. So no. You cannot have a monogamous marriage if you are also dating.
If you mean you want to be in a Closed marriage, where it is just you and husband. And husband is Open enough for you -- like willing to listen and talk about your poly thoughts and feelings without wigging out or it being a big thing? And you are Closed enough for him -- no dating other people? Maybe that's a place to come to compromise because you don't feel bottled up inside or like you cannot breathe.
If you mean a marriage where you cannot express you poly side, husband doesn't want to hear about any of it? It's supposed to be swept under the rug? I don't know if him loving only the "acceptable" parts of you and not being interested in all of you would eventually make it so you grow apart, grow resentful or miserable.
I would hope that if you are in an unsatisfactory situation that at THAT point in time you would consider parting ways rather than choose to stay miserable and start acting out or get depressed or whatever. I mean, that goes for all marriages. Not just ones with poly people in it. If something is going deeply wrong and there's no way to solve it or all the things have been tried already and it is going nowhere... the final thing to try is to stop being together. Part with regrets maybe, but part all the same so the misery stops and the future can hopefully be better.
I really like the idea of living authentically within and without. At the end of the day if my husband and I can get to a place of understanding where we are at I could see myself being happy there for a long while. At least we could make best choices about our future.
Then I will hope this for you also. That you and husband can talk and arrive at a place of deeper understanding.
Hopefully you can sort all this anxiety and stuff out so you can breathe easier within and without.
GL!
Galagirl
Last edited: