anamikanon
New member
So I'm in a relationship with Spexy. We've had some rough patches recently that still throw the occasional aftershock. He had acted very badly with me and has severe difficulty recognizing and articulating emotions or understanding the potential emotional impact of his actions and he genuinely regrets it, but we are past that now, of sorts. Or rather, I am past it, but he can't seem to forgive himself.
There are many issues the recent crisis brought up, one of the biggest ones is related with highlighting his difficulties expressing his feelings, and recurring feelings of insecurity within me because of that. We are in an LDR. When we are together, which is about a week or so a month, things are great. His actions express all the emotions he can't find words for. When we are away, I sometimes feel a bit... lost and abandoned - though I definitely know it is more an issue of his inability to articulate than him not feeling.
The other problem is that he seems to interpret my expression of loneliness as criticism and responds by blaming himself and promising to make things better, etc. What I really need in the moment is just to be heard and loved. I KNOW he isn't being remote on purpose. I KNOW he loves me. I cannot and don't blame him for an inability that I well know he is trying to improve on. I just need to be heard, loved when I'm feeling lonely.
Yes, he had hurt me badly, completely unprovoked and he has apologized over and over. Yes, my insecurity is a sort of instinctive flinching when he acts remote. But it isn't because I believe he wants to hurt me. It is taking a while for me to feel secure if he is remote (habitually - not intentionally, he is trying very hard to learn to share his feelings). But if I try to speak with him about it, my loneliness sort of remains as it is, and where i seek togetherness, on the contrary, it gets polarized with him the villain for my pain.
I don't even know what the question is. I guess I need ideas to improve anything on any of this.
There are many issues the recent crisis brought up, one of the biggest ones is related with highlighting his difficulties expressing his feelings, and recurring feelings of insecurity within me because of that. We are in an LDR. When we are together, which is about a week or so a month, things are great. His actions express all the emotions he can't find words for. When we are away, I sometimes feel a bit... lost and abandoned - though I definitely know it is more an issue of his inability to articulate than him not feeling.
The other problem is that he seems to interpret my expression of loneliness as criticism and responds by blaming himself and promising to make things better, etc. What I really need in the moment is just to be heard and loved. I KNOW he isn't being remote on purpose. I KNOW he loves me. I cannot and don't blame him for an inability that I well know he is trying to improve on. I just need to be heard, loved when I'm feeling lonely.
Yes, he had hurt me badly, completely unprovoked and he has apologized over and over. Yes, my insecurity is a sort of instinctive flinching when he acts remote. But it isn't because I believe he wants to hurt me. It is taking a while for me to feel secure if he is remote (habitually - not intentionally, he is trying very hard to learn to share his feelings). But if I try to speak with him about it, my loneliness sort of remains as it is, and where i seek togetherness, on the contrary, it gets polarized with him the villain for my pain.
I don't even know what the question is. I guess I need ideas to improve anything on any of this.
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