My first post, I've something to say!
Hi kdt26417,
It may take me a while to get used to the "environment" here, and I apologize for that. I am a long time participant of a large online yoga/meditation/tantra community and that is really my only exposure to online forums. I sometimes forget that phrases like "self-realization" means different things to different people. In the yoga community I'm referring to, self-realization is synonymous with enlightenment and enlightenment is generally defined as having a silent mind and a body that is "lit up" with ecstatic energy. So when I ask shit like "are others here using their poly lifestyle as a modality for self-realization" I'm sort of wondering if anyone here is actively trying to use the emotional turmoil that can be triggered by (perhaps only newly) poly relationships to make the mind quieter and less reactive.
Love,
Carson
Carson,
Hello! This is my first post on this forum, and as you can tell by the fact that I zoomed in on your thread here, I'm experiencing something very similar to what you've described.
I'm a mono cismale , maybe getting close to becoming a Monomour (my GF is bi). My GF is wonderful, she & I have been close for 5-6 months now. She always casually used to mention how nice it'd be to go hook up with a girl (all in playful , not that she was seriously entertaining the idea when we were in the same place) The next 4 months however, she's off to a coop in a different part of the country and I wont be seeing her at all. Something came to my mind, and I began entertaining the thought of her being sexually unsatisfied (she's a very beautiful, sexual being and she acknowledges its tough for her to not have her sexual partner near). I wanted to let her not feel that sexual lacking. So I, being the giver, asked her if she wanted to consider meeting a lady to be a close intimate friend/partner & that I would be ok with it.
Here's the tough part - I really wasnt ok when I said it to her. I still needed more time to get my emotions understood. I'm a spiritual believer, atheist, and I had a very tough time understanding why I had this painful reaction in my mind/body in imagining her with another human being in love or sexual union in a nonmonogamous manner.
I've read a few books (Ethical Slut) to try channelize these emotions and understand deeper who it is that I AM, and who I want to choose to be.
This forum has been of tremendous help already (i've stealthily read many a post here) and while my dear lady has not yet begun any relationships besides ours, I hope to express my fully formulated thoughts to her. She is the epitome of good relationship communication, and I hope to let my negative thoughts subside and with this eventual transition, take our relationship to deeper, more satisfying depths.
Carson - Yes, it is a very powerful spiritual stimulant. I am finding myself (in brief bouts) to be at greater peace in my life with myself & the world around me. But I'm still in the growing phase and hope to get to the other side with a smile on my face.
Regards,
thepaleob