jayblue122
Member
I have not dealt too much with feeling jealousy but recently I think that may be what I am experiencing. In the past when I have felt insecure it has manifested in more sadness or self worth issues than issues with a metamour or potential metamour.
I first tried to write this post leaving out the Kink aspects and relating them to Vanilla terminology however since relationship dynamics seem to be the core of this issue, I was unable to. I just found it difficult to explain without those details. However I think that a lot of it is understandable to many people and relationship types since the core issue is really dealing with jealousy and change.
The situation:
My bf of three months, Jason, and I are currently long distance. He is currently living with his primary, Beni, a few states away. We are all kinky and power exchange is a big part of all of our relationships. Jason is my Dominant. Jason is also a switch. In the past he identified his relationship with Beni as Master (him) /Slave (her). Occasionally they would swap roles in the bedroom, but outside of that their dynamic was what it was.
Recently his dynamic with his partner is changing. He and Beni are switching more often and switching outside of the bedroom. About 50% of the time she is his Miss now, and he is her submissive.
As such there are times when I communicate with him that he is acting as her submissive. Hearing him call her "Miss" and have him be in that submissive head space is very disorienting to me as his submissive. It makes me feel very disconnected to him, and like our dynamic is abandoned.
I know that this is part of who he is and I cannot and do not want to change that. But I do not know how to deal with these feelings, or how to talk about them with him. I do not want him to feel that I do not respect him, or that I do not accept him.
I am struggling with this change. I have identified my feelings as the following:
I just don't really know what to do..... I do not want to feel this way.
I first tried to write this post leaving out the Kink aspects and relating them to Vanilla terminology however since relationship dynamics seem to be the core of this issue, I was unable to. I just found it difficult to explain without those details. However I think that a lot of it is understandable to many people and relationship types since the core issue is really dealing with jealousy and change.
The situation:
My bf of three months, Jason, and I are currently long distance. He is currently living with his primary, Beni, a few states away. We are all kinky and power exchange is a big part of all of our relationships. Jason is my Dominant. Jason is also a switch. In the past he identified his relationship with Beni as Master (him) /Slave (her). Occasionally they would swap roles in the bedroom, but outside of that their dynamic was what it was.
Recently his dynamic with his partner is changing. He and Beni are switching more often and switching outside of the bedroom. About 50% of the time she is his Miss now, and he is her submissive.
As such there are times when I communicate with him that he is acting as her submissive. Hearing him call her "Miss" and have him be in that submissive head space is very disorienting to me as his submissive. It makes me feel very disconnected to him, and like our dynamic is abandoned.
I know that this is part of who he is and I cannot and do not want to change that. But I do not know how to deal with these feelings, or how to talk about them with him. I do not want him to feel that I do not respect him, or that I do not accept him.
I am struggling with this change. I have identified my feelings as the following:
- 30% Fear
Fear of abandonment, not so much of the relationship on a whole, but rather abandonment of our dynamic, abandonment of me as his submissive. Fear of change in our dynamic. - 20% Sadness
I am not quite sure why I feel sad. I just know that I feel sad. - 25% Loneliness
I miss him. We are in a LDR. I will not get to see him for another month. Then I get to see him for a week. Then I will not get to see him for another 3 months. Beni gets to see him all the time, well at least for another month, then they will be LDR again too.
Also i feel loneliness in that I am without him as my dominate partner.
- 10% Powerlessness
Switching is a part of his personality. There is nothing I can do to stop him from discovering this part of himself. Hell, I want him too. I know this makes him happy. But I feel powerless in how it will affect my relationship with him. - 10% Betrayal
The relationship we consented and negotiated is at times not present. - 5% Disorientation
I this confusing and uncomfortable. Furthermore I find expressing these feelings difficult.
I just don't really know what to do..... I do not want to feel this way.
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