Completely New...and HPV

makewar

New member
I have read two posts on this forum about HPV but I had to make another one...so I'm sorry. Here is the deal... I am extremely frightened that someone I want to enter into a relationship with (this will absolutely be my very first polyamory relationship) will categorically not want to enter into it with me because TEN years ago I got low risk hpv from a partner... I had a single small wart... which to be honest was in a very unusual place (which to be honest sometimes makes me question but I'm not a doctor so obviously I believe them)... I got it removed right away... ten years ago... and it has never once come back. I have been to FIVE different doctors and the sexual health clinic donzens of times asking about it... that was how psychologically scarring it was/is for me... that relationship ended in 2010.... and I have only had one other relationship since and that was in 2012.... again that's how scarring... and that man also had hpv (and told me)... I have since had the vaccine ( I actually got it right after I got the wart... as if it really mattered that much anymore... but at least I've got a few other strains covered)... of the five docs I've seen 4 out of the 5 have played if off like it is no big deal... telling me it is like catching the cold and that after 2 years if the warts have never come back it basically doesn't matter anymore and I have no obligation to anyone... however one told me a very different story... the people at the sexual health clinic are the same telling me to just go about my life... however I feel like it is my duty to let people know even though it has been so long because it is a virus and technically it does live in your body forever... I have also had a test which came back negative (I honestly am not sure what kind of test it was because it was not the one you can get with your pap.. and I was supposed to pay for it but the doc I saw did it for free because I was literally constantly coming in about it for no reason)... anyways I guess what I am asking is how do I tell this person? I'm fairly certain I will obviously be rejected as even if he was willing to take the risk himself he probably doesn't want to risk his other partners...it is seriously so distressing to me I just want to live a life and I can't out of constant fear of rejection... because people don't know about it... it's not one you learn about or think about... and most people don't realize at all that they most likely have at the very least come across it... they think well I never saw anything so I'm fine... I don't really know how to go about bringing it up in a calm manner... or even if I should... I mean I will... because I feel like that is the responsible thing to do even though people keep telling me otherwise. What would you all say/ recommend I do? Do you have experience with this or a situation like this?

Thanks!
 
I had an abnormal pap smear last year and tested positive for HPV. I have two partners, each of whom have other partners. Both of my partners didn't think it was that big of a deal and my one metamore that I heard feedback from just wanted to know which clinic I went to, since I ended up being assigned to a friend of ours when I called the nearest ob gyn office for a follow up test that my family doctor couldn't do (my husband's girlfriend). Since I was seeing a friend for the follow up tests, I was a lot more open about our relationship nuances than I would have been with someone I didn't know (I would have asked the same questions, just not in the same way). She said that the chances are that everyone in our polycule had already been exposed to it, not necessarily through me, because it is that common. For the women in the polycule, she recommended just making sure to have regular pap smears done. Both of my partners couldn't understand why I was so freaked out about the diagnosis, because it just wasn't a big deal to them (most of my freak out came because my grandmother died from ovarian and uterine cancer, so my mind naturally wondered if this was a precursor to that issue). I hope your possible partner is as accepting as everyone in my polycule was of me.
 
I test positive of HSV1 and HSV2. I tell everyone not just potential partners because I have a strong drive to de-stigmatize STIs.

I have had some long conversation with future partners about it. It hasn't ever got in the way. I also use it as a measuring stick, if you are poly and open you should be well versed in STIs, you should be doing your research and be able to understand what risks you are taking.

I can understand that it's scary. But you aren't dirty or bad and you haven't done anything wrong. If your are worried about how you bring it up try writing an e-mail and get all your thoughts clear.
 
Hi makewar,

I do think telling your potential partner about the HPV is the right thing to do, even if it was a long time ago and it's common and not very serious. It may not be appropriate for your potential partner to write you off over something so minor, but really entering a relationship with you is their decision and if they decide against, it's their privilege to choose the criteria, just as it's your privilege to choose your criteria. Hence it is their right to know what you know, and their responsibility to do their research and ask their doctor. If they don't do their research and don't ask their doctor, that is their shortcoming and at least you will have done your part. With that in mind, I would recommend telling them in the simplest way possible, e.g., "I need to let you know that I tested positive for HPV about ten years ago."

Those are my thoughts anyway.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
And if they overreact, give them some time. If they've never had a partner with HPV before or aren't that knowledgeable about STIs they may freak out until they've had a chance to learn more about it.
 
HPV can disappear without treatment - your body can adapt to the virus, and it is no longer a problem. I think this is what has happened here. You got retested, and the tests came back negative. I don't think you need to mention it to other lovers because you no longer have any infection, but if you do feel like disclosing, simply explain that you have been vaccinated against most strains and no longer test positive for the one you did have. I would suggest regular testing to make certain of that negative result and to calm your anxieties about this - you seem very stressed by something that (to me) seems quite benign.
 
You should tell them, but I think statistically a lot of people have HPV.

It is estimated that as many as 75 percent of the reproductive-age population has been infected with one or more types of genital HPV and up to 5.5 million new infections occur each year. The good news: In the vast majority of cases, the virus causes no symptoms or health problems.

My boyfriend actually had, and survived, the cancer in his throat from this. It doesn't stop me from loving him.
 
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