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  #11  
Old 06-03-2015, 09:56 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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I'm confused. You said you told W you are going to step back again, but you are still going to see him? Just at different times?

I would think stepping back means not seeing either of them for a while, to give them space and time to deal with their issues and marriage. Meantime, you seek out others to hang with, do fun things with, and maybe even go on dates with.
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  #12  
Old 06-03-2015, 10:13 PM
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What? You mean you are going to step back from seeing T (the female) but keep seeing W, the male, who is treating her like a pariah?

You said earlier you want the right to one on one dates, but now you say you normally go to trivia with W once a week, while T goes to bed alone and sleeps while you come home and sleep (have sex with too?) her husband?

And what is this kayaking twice a month? A threeway date, or just you and W? Does T now get to sit home, while you cowgirl the hell out of her husband, and he gives her the "roommates" treatment, and now she is secondary and the new girl (you) are the homewrecker cowgirl?

This is all highly unethical.
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  #13  
Old 06-03-2015, 11:48 PM
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graviton graviton is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
What? You mean you are going to step back from seeing T (the female) but keep seeing W, the male, who is treating her like a pariah?

You said earlier you want the right to one on one dates, but now you say you normally go to trivia with W once a week, while T goes to bed alone and sleeps while you come home and sleep (have sex with too?) her husband?

And what is this kayaking twice a month? A threeway date, or just you and W? Does T now get to sit home, while you cowgirl the hell out of her husband, and he gives her the "roommates" treatment, and now she is secondary and the new girl (you) are the homewrecker cowgirl?

This is all highly unethical.
How? Cowgirl? I thought most people on here agree that an existing relationship should not end just because a partner and metamore are having issues. If this is a true triad she has the right to see either one of them or both. If she chooses to step back from one or the other that is also up to her and each of them.
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  #14  
Old 06-04-2015, 03:03 AM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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I know but gosh, what is going to happen to the wife? Don't she and the husband need to put time and energy into sorting out their issues around the cheating, the possible unrealistic rules that caused the cheating, etc.? Is the h using the OP as a bandaid, to be in lala NRE land with, while the unfulfilled wife is virtually in time out?

Now the wife is suddenly the secondary and new gf has been promoted to primary status. I, personally, if I was the gf, would feel mighty icky having a fun old time with husband while the wife is sitting home feeling invisible, the possibility of divorce looming over her.

If Viridis didn't know T, or wasn't involved with her romantically/sexually, it might be different. But she cares about her!

But I think triads are super hard and often yucky, so what do I know?
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Pixi (poly, F, 40) my partner since January 2009
Kahlo (poly-curious, M, 45) my bf since August 2017
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  #15  
Old 06-04-2015, 11:52 AM
LoveBunny LoveBunny is offline
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Seems like you don't really have romantic feelings for the wife, really, much. You're in love with the husband. That's ok. You're allowed to say you don't want to be with both of them in a triad, but be prepared for drama.

I'm guessing the reason hubby freaked out over wife sleeping with guy who "didn't respect their marriage" was because the guy wanted to have his OWN relationship with the wife, and have nothing to do with the couple together. They both seem to come at this from a swinger's mentality of "this is something we do together,"--except when it suits them not to. She "cheated." He is stepping with you instead of dealing with his wife. They do not have their shit together.

You all three need to get honest about what you really want here and what will and won't work. You don't want to be a "cowgirl," I'm guessing, and have hubby leave wife for you. Would you want that on your shoulders?

Also, I'm just curious, does this couple have rules for you?
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  #16  
Old 06-05-2015, 11:23 PM
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Hi Viridis,

Just a quick question. W is going to see you at your own home; can T go to see you at your own home as well?

I'm just getting up to speed on this thread and have been reading your posts. That's a difficult situation you're dealing with.

I hope I can help.
Sincerely,
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  #17  
Old 06-08-2015, 10:29 PM
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Agree with LoveBunny in that there seems to be a bit of a monogamist mentality here with the husband replacing one 'wife' in his heart with a 'new wife', But think hard on it OP, if this is how he deals with a serious issue in his marriage ie emotionally freezing her out, than do you feel he is really mature and enlightened?

Don't let NRE blind you to his faults.

Yes the wife did something wrong and you have the right not to be put in the middle of it, but it seems, like all too often in triadlalaland, fantasy and reality are different things and you are bonding with the husband and the wife is just a friend.

That is fine, she seems to not hold that against you so at least you know she isn't out to 'get' you, like so many have been, nor should your relationship be threatened by ending just because they are having trouble, let them sort their relationship out, but just.....do NOT see them together, stay away from their home and refuse to discuss their marriage with EITHER of them, it really is their issue and putting you in the middle of it is not fair on you.

Normally Madlyn and I agree on much but I totally disagree that you are a 'cowgirl' just because you still want the husband, you are not responsible for his actions and whereas I would not tolerate a lover being so.....infantile in his communication that is my thing. You do you boo!

N
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