Hello everyone,
I'm not sure anymore what drove me to be here, but it's not my style to quietly disappear again, so I'd rather explore what thoughts brought me to a polyamory website, maybe you want to join me on that thought process.
But first, a short intro, I'm a woman in my early thirties. I never found a label that really suits me, I'm definitely not "just" heterosexual, but also not actively bisexual. I guess I've been mostly in strictly monogamous relationships (with men) because "that's how things are done". I have also been romantically (and sometimes sexually) involved with women, interestingly enough during that periods I considered myself single, taking a break from men, exploring something else I enjoy.
The several serious long term relationships I had were with men, all of them knew that I'm also interested (and have also been with) women.
Something I was never able to fathom was the idea of breaking up with somebody and then removing them from my live. Even when all of my friends thought I was "stupid", weird, not ready to "let go", I was (usually after a period or being sad and lonely) happy to remain friends with people after they broke up with me, to accept that maybe the romantic part of the relationship was over, but that there are plenty of other reasons why I wanted that person in my life (and vice versa). Without traditional relationship norms (serial monogamy) influencing us, I now see that neither of those relationships migh have ended at all. I still love those people, just in a different way than before.
I've now been in a relationship for already more than 3 years with somebody who has grown to be my best friend and soulmate. Let's call him A.
We are dedicated to each other, live together, bought a house together, might marry if the topic ever comes up and want to have children at some point. He has personally grown a lot, and from the start he was able to trust me to be friends with all my exes without betraying out mutual agreement to be monogamous. He's not intimidated by how close I am with especially one of my ex partners (I was with him for 5 years, like I said, if it had occurred to us that needing more, wanting someone else, does not have to be the end of "us", we might still be), he knows that my closest female friend is somebody I had a sexual relationship with for months.
He just trusts me completely to not do anything we've not agreed on. I did not mention it, but I trust him too, he just gives me very little reason to assume he is even interested in the idea of anybody else. I on the other hand am very easily fascinated by other people, and try to mention that without being hurtful.
My problem is, we are also very comfortable with each other in a way that sucks the romance out of our relationship, and I've been thinking about that a lot.
I'm not thinking, or even hoping, that dragging somebody else in our relationship will magically bring back our romance.
I guess what I do hope, though, is that discussing my recent flare of (very unspecific) desire here with you guys might make it easier for me to sort through what I actually want and how to approach A. about anything I think would be a good change in our relationship (but...what might that even be?) and at the same time to make it clear for him that my relationship with him is still my top priority and I don't intend to change that or jeopardize that. On the contrary, I just want to keep what we have as happy and fulfilling as possible.
I'm so sorry, that's less of an introduction and more of a rant. If this whole thing is unclear or needs to be in a different section of the forum, just ask and I'll sort through my ramblings for clarification!
I'm not sure anymore what drove me to be here, but it's not my style to quietly disappear again, so I'd rather explore what thoughts brought me to a polyamory website, maybe you want to join me on that thought process.
But first, a short intro, I'm a woman in my early thirties. I never found a label that really suits me, I'm definitely not "just" heterosexual, but also not actively bisexual. I guess I've been mostly in strictly monogamous relationships (with men) because "that's how things are done". I have also been romantically (and sometimes sexually) involved with women, interestingly enough during that periods I considered myself single, taking a break from men, exploring something else I enjoy.
The several serious long term relationships I had were with men, all of them knew that I'm also interested (and have also been with) women.
Something I was never able to fathom was the idea of breaking up with somebody and then removing them from my live. Even when all of my friends thought I was "stupid", weird, not ready to "let go", I was (usually after a period or being sad and lonely) happy to remain friends with people after they broke up with me, to accept that maybe the romantic part of the relationship was over, but that there are plenty of other reasons why I wanted that person in my life (and vice versa). Without traditional relationship norms (serial monogamy) influencing us, I now see that neither of those relationships migh have ended at all. I still love those people, just in a different way than before.
I've now been in a relationship for already more than 3 years with somebody who has grown to be my best friend and soulmate. Let's call him A.
We are dedicated to each other, live together, bought a house together, might marry if the topic ever comes up and want to have children at some point. He has personally grown a lot, and from the start he was able to trust me to be friends with all my exes without betraying out mutual agreement to be monogamous. He's not intimidated by how close I am with especially one of my ex partners (I was with him for 5 years, like I said, if it had occurred to us that needing more, wanting someone else, does not have to be the end of "us", we might still be), he knows that my closest female friend is somebody I had a sexual relationship with for months.
He just trusts me completely to not do anything we've not agreed on. I did not mention it, but I trust him too, he just gives me very little reason to assume he is even interested in the idea of anybody else. I on the other hand am very easily fascinated by other people, and try to mention that without being hurtful.
My problem is, we are also very comfortable with each other in a way that sucks the romance out of our relationship, and I've been thinking about that a lot.
I'm not thinking, or even hoping, that dragging somebody else in our relationship will magically bring back our romance.
I guess what I do hope, though, is that discussing my recent flare of (very unspecific) desire here with you guys might make it easier for me to sort through what I actually want and how to approach A. about anything I think would be a good change in our relationship (but...what might that even be?) and at the same time to make it clear for him that my relationship with him is still my top priority and I don't intend to change that or jeopardize that. On the contrary, I just want to keep what we have as happy and fulfilling as possible.
I'm so sorry, that's less of an introduction and more of a rant. If this whole thing is unclear or needs to be in a different section of the forum, just ask and I'll sort through my ramblings for clarification!
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