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shadowesque

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A short history - with my husband for over 20 years, multiple children in the picture from ranging from age 5 to 16. I have recently come to understand that I am asexual and that my lack of attraction to my husband is not curable. In accordance with the fact that he's a very sexual person and I am prone to emotional (but not sexual) affairs, we have decided to open up our marriage. We're still researching to see what we still have to learn about this set of circumstances.
 
Greetings shadowesque,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Sounds like you are handling things pretty well and doing what needs to be done, hopefully you feel that way too. If there's any thoughts/info/advice we can give to help you along the way, just let us know.

Glad you're here.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

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Welcome aboard!
 
A short history - with my husband for over 20 years, multiple children in the picture from ranging from age 5 to 16. I have recently come to understand that I am asexual and that my lack of attraction to my husband is not curable.

Have you always been asexual? Are you ever sexually attracted to someone else? In long relationships, sexual attraction can wane for various reasons, but often sexual feelings can crop up for others...

In accordance with the fact that he's a very sexual person and I am prone to emotional (but not sexual) affairs, we have decided to open up our marriage. We're still researching to see what we still have to learn about this set of circumstances.

There are a couple asexual people on this board who ID as polyamorous, but not polysexual. Sometimes it's possible to hook up with another asexual lover, or to hook up with someone who is sexual but willing to forgo sex with you.

Do you plan to remain emotionally intimate with your h even as you and he develop relationships with others who better meet your needs?

I once dated a guy who hadn't had sex with his wife in 3 years. He was sexual, she wasn't, and she finally consented to him seeing others for sex. (I was the first.) As soon as she knew he and I had done some sexy time (not PIV, just foreplay type activities) she immediately got all sexy with him and he welcomed it and they were having sex for a while. But that didn't last. She realised the problem was, she was really lesbian now. She got a gf, he got a gf (not me, we were long distance, someone else), and he still lives with his wife (they have a small farm and enjoy working it together, and like keeping the home base for their college age sons). I am not sure if either of their lovers live with them full time presently.

There are many ways this path can go. You may stay with your husband, or split if your desires and needs are too divergent. Good luck in speaking and living your truth!
 
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