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Old 05-10-2017, 11:41 AM
Geekmom925 Geekmom925 is offline
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Default Cohabitating Triad/Vee

I'm in a new relationship with DH and BF. We're really learning a lot. I have two bio kids with DH and BF has 2bio kids with his ex.
Does anyone have any advice on what to tell the kids 2 5 year olds a 3y and a 2y? Currently I go TO BFs room every other night but go back to DH around 4am since my kids get up early. Bf only has visitation with his kids righr now and ex isn't happy with us living together.
Also, tips in general would be great.
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Old 05-10-2017, 12:13 PM
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Bluebird Bluebird is offline
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I don't think you really need to tell them anything. If they want to know why you aren't sleeping with daddy on any given night, you can say your BF needs snuggles. I would let them ask and not try to explain things to a toddler that hasn't even noticed anything.

When younger nieces/nephews ask me about having 2 husbands, I say that yes, a girl can love a boy, or a girl can love another girl, or a boy can love a boy. It is also ok for a girl or a boy to love more than one person. Isn't that great? If you approach it as normal, they absorb that and then move on. If they respond with "well, my parent says it's wrong to do that," I answer with that I don't think it's ever wrong to love someone, unless that person is hurting you or makes you feel bad, or if the love has to be a secret. Then that would be wrong. My husbands make me feel happy, and everyone knows that we are in love. That usually will end the topic. Kids don't need to be brought into debates or long explanations. Keep it simple.
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Old 05-10-2017, 06:43 PM
Geekmom925 Geekmom925 is offline
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Thank you! That's kind of what we're planning on doing. Unfortunately, we havent gotten to that point yet since my son climbs into hubbys bed and asks for me still.

How do you guys handle communication? Right now I'm at the point where i'm the messenger for a lot. The guys talk (they are friends from before), just not about serious stuff.
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Old 05-10-2017, 09:04 PM
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Communication about what? 🙂 The three of us share a google calendar.
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Girlfriend to SirGawain (40M) & CornFlower (38M)
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Old 05-10-2017, 10:25 PM
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Shaya Shaya is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bluebird View Post
I don't think you really need to tell them anything. If they want to know why you aren't sleeping with daddy on any given night, you can say your BF needs snuggles. I would let them ask and not try to explain things to a toddler that hasn't even noticed anything.

When younger nieces/nephews ask me about having 2 husbands, I say that yes, a girl can love a boy, or a girl can love another girl, or a boy can love a boy. It is also ok for a girl or a boy to love more than one person. Isn't that great? If you approach it as normal, they absorb that and then move on. If they respond with "well, my parent says it's wrong to do that," I answer with that I don't think it's ever wrong to love someone, unless that person is hurting you or makes you feel bad, or if the love has to be a secret. Then that would be wrong. My husbands make me feel happy, and everyone knows that we are in love. That usually will end the topic. Kids don't need to be brought into debates or long explanations. Keep it simple.
That's a beautifully cute explanation. Thank you.
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Old 05-11-2017, 11:23 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Hi Geekmom925,

I think it is hard to keep secrets from kids, they notice things. So at some point you tell them something like, "Mommy loves DH, Mommy loves BF too, that doesn't mean Mommy loves you any less, I'll always be here to take care of you." Kids at that young age are mostly concerned that what if Mommy won't take care of them anymore. If they know that's not going to happen, they're usually content. But if you say nothing to them, their imaginations can run wild.

It's a little tricky what to do about BF's ex. I am actually thinking it'd be a good idea to consult a lawyer. Find out what your rights are, what you can and can't do, what is and isn't likely to happen. If one lawyer doesn't take your side you can always get a second opinion, but I think just about any lawyer will be your advocate for the time you pay them for, it's their job.

Just some thoughts,
Kevin T.
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