Good evening. My name is Ray.
I don't even know where to start. Too many details to share cause if I don't I know I will get the wrong recommendation, and I usually write things wrong online. So I'll try to keep it simple.
I seem to be a poly man trapped in a monogamous relationship... again.
My first mono-relationship was my marriage, which lasted more than 10 years, and was controlled by the strict principles of a specific church. I got out of the church and the marriage. They both made me waste years of my life, where I miss what almost everybody enjoys in life.
My second most amazing relationship has been the one where I am now. Where one could say that I have... "everything". Meaning... a caring woman, a faithful woman, a woman clean of diseases, someone that would give their life for me, selfless, even loves the son I had from my previous marriage.
Problem is, traumas that my current girlfriend went through in her childhood and youth (like being played with sexually by her own older sister by force / also a boyfriend that died in an accident when she was a teen), on top of a 9 year past failed marriage where her ex didn't desire her, have made her a very insecure and jealous person. She wants to be owned. And wants to own her man. For her the idea of sharing her man even with her permission, is totally unacceptable, even though she loves watching videos of threesomes, orgies, etc. According to her, "the more people in the video the better". But in real life, "no one is allowed to even flirt with any of us".
Me on the other hand, have even offer to let her enjoy other men if she desires, because we have a strong relationship. And I trust her not to fall in love with anyone else. Sadly, for her, sex can only exists and be enjoyed when there's feelings. She's a strict monogamist. And I would strongly prefer a life where, even though my woman has all the qualities mentioned above, she and I can be more open minded together and enjoy having fun with other people together. People we can trust won't try to sabotage our relationship and people we can have some level of chemistry with. Could be with love, or just for fun.
Sometimes I've been called a poly, and some other times I've been told I just want to swing. I don't know. People have been pretty mean to me when I try to explain myself. Trying to find the kind of person I want has been frustrating. I've gone to websites like OKCupid, where there are bisexual woman too and looking for men. Sadly, no luck.
Main problem is:
I don't know if I should leave the precious relationship this monogamous girl and I have, and search for what I want to (and most probably never find it cause it took me at least 7 years before I found her -she found me-), or if I should stay with her (like I used to stay with my ex but missing on things I wanted), and hope that at some point in life my mind will not be interested in enjoying and pleasing a variety of women respectfully.
I will probably have a valid argument for almost every recommendation anyone will give me here. And maybe most of what I say here will be misunderstood, like it has in the offline world. But I'll just read the answers you give me and I will chose the best one for me. This website was the last recommendation I received from a new friend. And maybe very deep in my mind I just want to see how many more people like me are out there, and if maybe I have hope of finding someone like I want.
I don't even know where to start. Too many details to share cause if I don't I know I will get the wrong recommendation, and I usually write things wrong online. So I'll try to keep it simple.
I seem to be a poly man trapped in a monogamous relationship... again.
My first mono-relationship was my marriage, which lasted more than 10 years, and was controlled by the strict principles of a specific church. I got out of the church and the marriage. They both made me waste years of my life, where I miss what almost everybody enjoys in life.
My second most amazing relationship has been the one where I am now. Where one could say that I have... "everything". Meaning... a caring woman, a faithful woman, a woman clean of diseases, someone that would give their life for me, selfless, even loves the son I had from my previous marriage.
Problem is, traumas that my current girlfriend went through in her childhood and youth (like being played with sexually by her own older sister by force / also a boyfriend that died in an accident when she was a teen), on top of a 9 year past failed marriage where her ex didn't desire her, have made her a very insecure and jealous person. She wants to be owned. And wants to own her man. For her the idea of sharing her man even with her permission, is totally unacceptable, even though she loves watching videos of threesomes, orgies, etc. According to her, "the more people in the video the better". But in real life, "no one is allowed to even flirt with any of us".
Me on the other hand, have even offer to let her enjoy other men if she desires, because we have a strong relationship. And I trust her not to fall in love with anyone else. Sadly, for her, sex can only exists and be enjoyed when there's feelings. She's a strict monogamist. And I would strongly prefer a life where, even though my woman has all the qualities mentioned above, she and I can be more open minded together and enjoy having fun with other people together. People we can trust won't try to sabotage our relationship and people we can have some level of chemistry with. Could be with love, or just for fun.
Sometimes I've been called a poly, and some other times I've been told I just want to swing. I don't know. People have been pretty mean to me when I try to explain myself. Trying to find the kind of person I want has been frustrating. I've gone to websites like OKCupid, where there are bisexual woman too and looking for men. Sadly, no luck.
Main problem is:
I don't know if I should leave the precious relationship this monogamous girl and I have, and search for what I want to (and most probably never find it cause it took me at least 7 years before I found her -she found me-), or if I should stay with her (like I used to stay with my ex but missing on things I wanted), and hope that at some point in life my mind will not be interested in enjoying and pleasing a variety of women respectfully.
I will probably have a valid argument for almost every recommendation anyone will give me here. And maybe most of what I say here will be misunderstood, like it has in the offline world. But I'll just read the answers you give me and I will chose the best one for me. This website was the last recommendation I received from a new friend. And maybe very deep in my mind I just want to see how many more people like me are out there, and if maybe I have hope of finding someone like I want.